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Hanging out in bars

Old 06-11-2016, 09:04 PM
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Hanging out in bars

I started a job and my coworkers invite me out to bars. When I get there I order my coke and get odd looks. They pressure me. In a few days I will be a year sober.

Why do I go to bars? I guess I just want to fit in. I don't know anyone where I live and I hate it here.

There is really no reason for me to be here. Also ended an abusive relationship with a recovering drunk. At a meeting today people told me to stay out of bars.
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Old 06-11-2016, 10:19 PM
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I would agree with the folks at your meeting, we have no business there. Bars are for drinking and you don't drink anymore, right?
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Old 06-11-2016, 10:27 PM
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Hi Acheleus, it's tempting to be one of the crowd and join in their bar visits.

You know the reasons you stopped drinking, probably same as mine. Do you really want to go back to that? They may wear you down eventually and convince you one drink will be fine.

And you know what one drink is to us!
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Old 06-11-2016, 11:05 PM
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I know. It bothers them that I don't drink. But what they do is not what I call "drinking" which scares me. Not many people drink the way I did. Anyways I just need to turn down invitations from now on and lay low. No, I do not want to return to drinking. Hell no. The bartender places TWO samples before me and I just thought of withdrawals, falling down stairs, and blackouts. My brain must be healing because I vividly recalled the hell of my alcoholic drinking.

Anyways I went to a meeting and stayed sober. I will be a year sober on the 16th.

I was scared. I just want to move and start over somewhere else. I made my mistakes when I first got sober (moved, school, relationship with a recovering alcoholic) and I can look back and realize I was just scared to look at my life and do the difficult internal work of realizing my true self and making decisions out of honesty instead of fear. I need a break and I cannot stand how these people nitpick me for drinking coke. I hate bars. I have to move so I will just try to put a plan in place. Most days I feel like a ghost walking around.

Positives! Almost a year sober and one month out of an unhealthy, abusive relationship. Things could be much worse if I was drinking. Right? 👿😬
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Old 06-12-2016, 12:50 AM
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I went to my old bar regularly after meetings for a couple of months after I stopped drinking. It was part of my old life. I wanted to see my "friends". I only stayed ten minutes or so, just had a coke. Then one night the truth of the place hit me. I thought it was the centre of the universe, where life happened. It wasn't, sad to say, it was a dive full of smelly drunks and smokers. I wondered what I ever saw in the place. I left and never went back.

Fast forward a couple of years, having joined the AA program and recovered, I still wouldn't be bothered going to a bar like that one, but I would go with friends if I had a good reason. Part of the freedom from alcohol in AA is that alcohol does not control where I can go anymore.
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Old 06-12-2016, 02:20 AM
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Acheleus, that's a great achievement, a year. Heck, a day was a great achievement when I first stopped drinking. I had many years of stopping for one or two days, until the hangovers wore off, usually.

So, yes, you've done good! And just one day at a time, it really works.

Our lives are so much better sober!
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Old 06-12-2016, 02:25 AM
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Have you read this

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
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Old 06-12-2016, 02:43 AM
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Reading it now. Thank you! I must have picked the wrong people to work for.
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Old 06-12-2016, 03:17 AM
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After getting sober I would from time to time hung out with a few friends that were drinking. I would meet them after work on Fridays and we`d go to a bar. First thing I noticed was how little we had in common without the drink. Another was how bored I felt sitting there as they got slowly drunk. After a short time I stopped hanging out with them all together.

These days I never attend work related social events. I just don`t want to get deal with co-workers who ask why I`m not drinking and two office politics. Alcohol and office gossip is rarely a good mix.
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Old 06-12-2016, 06:08 AM
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Well you've answered your own questions. That's good thing. And a year is a huge achievement. Congrats.
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Old 06-12-2016, 09:53 AM
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I don't know. If you're trying to make new friends and your co workers aren't heavy drinkers, I think I'd just say hey I don't drink. I think it's important to make connections. Maybe these ppl have other hobbies you could get into with them.
If all they want to do is get drunk well that's a different matter and best to avoid.
Good luck.
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Old 06-12-2016, 10:06 AM
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If I felt the need to "hang out" somewhere, it would be a star bucks or Barnes and Nobles bookstore. Or a health club. Probably not a bar. That's just me.
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Old 06-12-2016, 10:17 AM
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White lies. Real lies. Legit excuses I think about not to go. All acceptable in my book as reasons not to go anywhere.
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Old 06-12-2016, 11:36 AM
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"Not many people drink the way I did."

im not gonna apologize for laughin at this because it is pretty funny, mainly because it reminded me of my own terminal uniqueness.

we must read different threads and posts here.

personally, to "fit in' would be a great excuse for me to end up drunk.

you go to meetings. how many times hve ya gone out with anyone in recovery?
even after ya move yer gonna have to meet new friends

wherever ya go, there you are.
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Old 06-13-2016, 01:20 AM
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I drank to keep myself alive. When I am sober I just want to vanish.

Ex gf who 13th stepped me drank around me. I hate myself. She cheated and hurt my mental and physical health. I feel like I cannot win.

A year sober and globg to stay away from bars. I miss playing music and reading.

I feel like I am worse off after entering aa and all. Maybe I associated with the wrong people.

You know what? I have no one. I cut contact with my mother and she was in jail.

A bankrupt, alcoholic father who lost his rented house and moved in with the woman who puts mail in his mailbox.

I think of how to die because I am so humiliated and embarrassed. A drunk, alcoholic woman treated me like garbage. How am I supposed to have hope? People suck. People are selfish, petty, and deceitful.

I don't have any relationships. No one wants anything to do with me.

But hey! I did stay sober. Feeling all the pain and sitting in it instead of napalming my brain with substances.

I told that sick woman to leave me alone and that she treated me like trash. I hate her and I told her I hated her.

No one taught me how to live. Father's parents? They offed themselves?

Mother's sister? Offed herself.

I am tired. Tired of insanity and chaos. I just wanted to get sober and have a life but I moved to a horrible place and dated a psycho.

So what now? I am sober and dying inside. I am exhausted. My ex slapped me, cheated on me, and just in general treated me like nothing.

Why did I let that happen?

I cannot sleep.

I cannot think.

I have no resources.

Everyone in my family is crazy. Father is 76 will not be around much longer. Everyone is older than me and I will have no family.

Why did I treat myself like garbage?

This is dumb I am sorry for posting.

I guess I left unhealthy ex and now I realize no one likes me. No one calls. No one taught me how to live.

Being sober just makes the horror of the past apparent. I remember more.

I just wanted a woman to love me and she humiliated me and laughed at me.

I hate my life. I hate it. I just exist.

Why? Why do I feel this way?
I thought I would feel stronger after leaving an abuser and staying sober.

I feel like a ghost.

No friendship with coworkers because I'm an alcoholic with my nice, healthy genes.

I think I understand why some christian mystics just wandered in the desert for years.

And that horrible tragedy in florida....why? Why did those people have to suffer? Why will their families continue to suffer? What is wrong with the human species?

When you look at things long enough you find things you are not inclined to laugh at.

Sorry. A year sober and out of an abusive relationship.

I must have been an easy mark for an abuser. She called me a spoiled bitch! I had only known her for four months.

I should have ran away from her.
Why did I let someone abuse me?

what was I supposed to learn? Aren't lonely people with no family and no support easy marks for abusers?

I can't sleep or function so I need help. I think I am having a breakdown.
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Old 06-13-2016, 01:50 AM
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Hey there

1 year sober is awesome

By reading your post it sounds like you aren't in a good headspace and given what you describe its to be expected

That stuff is hard to deal with

I'm glad you realise all may not be well

Seeing a dr or mental health pro couldn't hurt

I see one and it helps

Hope you feel better soon

V
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Old 06-13-2016, 03:28 AM
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I don't think you are breaking down; I think you are experiencing life. We alcoholics have to learn to deal with feelings and life on life's terms as it is something we aren't used to.

Are there other AA meetings you could attend? Sometimes I go to another town just to mix it up a little. I also liked the suggestion of spending time in a coffee shop or a bookstore instead of in a bar Perhaps there is a local newspaper you could find out what is going on around town like a festival or a show?

One year is awesome and I think YOU are awesome Stay strong.
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Old 06-13-2016, 04:12 AM
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I will stay strong. I just want to start making better decisions!!
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Old 06-13-2016, 04:19 AM
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YOu are doing this! Brave post.
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Old 06-13-2016, 04:45 AM
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Acheleus,

Are you doing step work on a regular basis?


If not for the steps / the program of AA, I simply would not have stayed sober. Those principles provide me the tools I need to take life one day at a time. They are really a pretty simply flow chart of what to do when things crop up and a design for living. The problems, events and emotions you journal are common to us. I had to find a way to deal with them.



Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

I start my day with these thoughts and prayer - it puts me on a playing field where my mind is ready to approach the day. This is the first thing I do when I roll out of bed, on my knees.......the prayer is derived from the chapter of the big book Into Action / pg 86


God direct my thinking today so that it be divorced of self pity, dishonesty, self-will, self-seeking and fear. God inspire my thinking, decisions and intuitions. Help me to relax and take it easy. Free me from doubt and indecision. Guide me through this day and show me my next step. God give me what I need to take care of any problems. I ask all these things that I may be of maximum service to you and my fellow man.

These thoughts are but one sliver of the program - there are many. Your post brings this to mind; "Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon". Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

You are not alone in the rooms - reach out, please and keep posting on SR
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