walkbeformakrun

Early on I used alcohol to enhance my life. It did. I enjoyed whatever I did, with a few drinks, more than the same things sober. Until one day it was no longer enhancing life but erasing it. Turning it into a mess.

Now that I'm sober, I remember more of my life. I engage with my life in a more meaningful way. I live up to my values and stick to my standards more often.

sleepie

Thanks Obladi.

Today at work they said "It's nice to have someone here who knows what they're doing..." They were talking about me???

I have a lot of anxieties after losing my last job, no notice- no reason given.

Hi Delf!

I sorta think maybe you should listen to the therapist Cow, cause they probably have seen others in similar situations? And they would maybe have a good idea of where you're at?

Lenina

Cow, dear one, my first year was pretty shaky, I didn't feel good for a long time. Beside my physical stuff, my emotional self was stunted. I felt like I was wrapped in cotton wool. I did get better over time.

I didn't care that I was alive or dead. Didn't seem to matter. I went through motions, pretended, acted "as if". I had nothing inside me. At about nine months, I caught myself humming while washing up the dishes after breakfast. I got better from there.

As I've said, I'm never going to be all happy happy, I'm satisfied with peaceful. I've been struggling a bit recently. Oh I will never drink again, that part is settled, but struggling to stay out of the black hole. Most of it is fear based, some is overwhelm from my job which is changing.

Thinking of you, doll.

Love from Lenina

Tooshabby

You guys are all wonderful.

Cow

puffy

Sleepie it is great that you are getting good feedback. Sounds like you are easing into your job well. You will be an expert in your role before you know it and those anxieties will diminish.

Hawkeye13

I agree with puffy sleepie--that feedback is good.
I can understand your anxiety after being fired suddenly before,
however, it sounds like they are happy with your performance and it's OK
to just accept that without qualification

Dropsie

Today would have been my youngest sister's 51st birthday. She was murdered when she was 29 in her house in the middle of the day in a safe neighbourhood for some old air conditioners.

My mother worried her whole life and she said that her death taught her not to worry, cause you never worry about the right thing. She worried all those nights we came home too late, didn't call, but never thought that some fool would kill her darling child for nothing.

Maybe we could all take a little heed from that advice and stop worrying so much and doing more. I know I could.

Just do it lady, stop thinking start acting, take your place on the lifeboat.

I know that is what my sister would be saying if she could.

Maybe I will give her a birthday present and try.

Cow

Ah, Drops

What her name?

fantail

Dropsie, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Lenina

Dropsie, sorry for your loss. February is a hard month.

Love from Lenina

Dropsie

Thanks everyone. Her name was Coe, special name, special girl.

It has been so long that I can remember her with love, not pain. But it is just so friggin sad, and such a waste. Like so many things people do to each other.

Humans... my father used to love to say that mankind is an aberration that went to the brain and it ain't going to work. i think he was on to something.

Love you guys.

XXX

Cow

I usual like February, Lenina. Where I live is best weather.

...but, with Valentine day come up, I has to ask, is I only single person here? It total amaze me how so many of you is have partner/spouse and even childrens! And it seem this take place while you was addicts!

Total boggle me.

...maybe you wasn't dedicated enough.

Drops, me and you papa would total get along. ... ... Today I dedicate any accomplishment, however small, I maybe have, to COE!

Dropsie

Thanks Cow, she would be honoured, as am I.

You and my dad would have been mates -- be sure of that.

Most irreverent person I know. Maybe till now.

He was bi-polar, alcohol issues, and so so special. One of a kind.

trachemys

After two marriages, and divorces, I've been single over twenty years now. No kids, and I'm glad I didn't have any with those two basket cases. I've had a couple of relationships since the last divorce. Nothing to build a life around. Now, I'm very comfortable alone.

courage2

((dropsie))

Lenina

i havent always married well but I have married often. LOL. I was single for a long time and thought I'd never marry again but....well...Hubert convinced me.

Cow, yes I love the weather here in February but the month is pockmarked with sad anniversaries. It's just very hard. I get nervous late January, my body physically tenses up and I get sick. It's a psycho-physio-psychiatric deal. The body remember shocks, I think. Somatic?

My wedding anniversary is in February too. Hubert wanted me to have something happy in this month.

Love from Lenina

courage2

((lenina))

Tooshabby

Love you too, Drops xxx

I'm sorry February is a hard month for you, Lenina. I do believe in the somatization of emotion - absolutely.

Obladi

Dropsie and Lenina, it's just as well that February is the shortest month, huh? Hugs to both of you.

Cow. You let it out the other day and yesterday that you'd been off consorting with caffeine, but did not expound. Seems to me like you would not have said anything if you didn't want to, so seeing as no one else asked (I don't think?), I will. What gives? Is Diet Pepsi a gateway drug to the dreaded coffee which we know leads to the gruesome booze? And if you can't stay away from coffee when you are not in a workplace, how will you do it when you are? Just fretting on your behalf...

I'm single and have been for two years. No dating, no interest. Honestly, I'm afraid of getting close to anyone given my horrendous track record. Married once to the wrong man, two serious relationships since with the wrong men. I'm laying off until I feel like I am in a place to be a better picker. Which might be never, but who knows? What's sad about this is that there is a woman at work who would clearly like to be friends, but I'm very leery about that too. What if it becomes romantic? I don't even know if it that's possible from her end, but that's possibly how messed up I am at the moment with personal intimacy that I would equate a friendship with a potentially dangerous romantic relationship.

Obladi

Sleepie, I know you have anxieties about that - this is why I'm keeping my optimism for you under wraps. I'm so glad you got such positive feedback. Perhaps you can start breathing again - at least every other breath.