Diary of a Mad Cow, Part XVIII: "New Year, New Moo!"
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Yes, I second that tip. Keep the feet out and a sheet on the rest of you. That works for me when I'm way too hot too.
You're right, Lenina. Cynical is the wrong word. I guess what I meant to say was that I think Robin Williams was very easy to relate to as a human, whereas Gene Wilder seemed like he was on a different level to the rest of us. Like divine, or something. But yes, cynical was definitely the wrong word.
You're right, Lenina. Cynical is the wrong word. I guess what I meant to say was that I think Robin Williams was very easy to relate to as a human, whereas Gene Wilder seemed like he was on a different level to the rest of us. Like divine, or something. But yes, cynical was definitely the wrong word.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
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Omg!!! Sleepie!! I had never heard of Gene Wilder's wife who played the character you mentioned. We never got SNL over here. Anyway, I started googling, youtubing, as you do, and I found this interview of her on a very old David Letterman show, and guess what??!!!! She brought her very cute dog on to the show, and it's name was SPARKLE RADNOR!!!! Yes way. It's a sign! It's a sign! You and Cow are meant to sparkle.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Wow, my depressions is in free fall right now, out of nowheres. Is kind of fascinating. I can feel it dropping through discomfort to fear to nauseating black place. Dang it. I so tire of being unstable. I so super sick of my self.
Okay, sorry, please resume regular programming.
Okay, sorry, please resume regular programming.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Cow, could this be a rebound effect from that bit of caffeine the other day? I get rebound effects from many things, my body/brain is hypersensitive to many chemicals. I'm getting more sensitive as I get older.
Love from Lenina
Love from Lenina
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
I just has severe depression that cycles to some extent, Lenina. Not like, from bad to good to bad, but more like from bad to worse to super worse to bad. It just was freaky fast obvious drop tonight, very unpleasant to feel self sinking. Usual cycles is slower.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
I wish I could rock you a bit. Sometimes I feel like I need to be rocked and cuddled. That's a memory I have of her. I was a sickly baby, grandma was the one who could soothe me. Rocking in the pink rocking chair and she hummed. I guess it's like a cat purr for me.
I hope this down part passes quickly. I have some anxiety with the depression this time. Not too bad but uncomfortable enough. I'll call my doctor tomorrow and see if I can take a little more of my atenolol, I'm only at 25 mg. it was 50 mg for a while in the beginning.
Love from Lenina
I hope this down part passes quickly. I have some anxiety with the depression this time. Not too bad but uncomfortable enough. I'll call my doctor tomorrow and see if I can take a little more of my atenolol, I'm only at 25 mg. it was 50 mg for a while in the beginning.
Love from Lenina
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
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Guys - I know that awful, ineffable sinking feeling, and the horror of thinking you've arrived at the truest perspective. It will pass. February will become March, Lenina, and you will cycle out of this, Cow. Love you guys 
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
'No one has ever convinced me I'm in my right mind, and I'm OK with that'. (Obladi)
Oh, yeah. Resonates with a random print-out from my rehab group therapist last week: 'When is it time to stop fixing ourselves? : taking the leap that is self-acceptance'.
I hear Cow say: accept this shite? With menopauses? Temperatures sensitivity? Crap sleeps? Fancy fiddles with diets and therapies and whatevers? Anedhonias?
We talked about stuff like acceptance today in group. Our therapist is leaving us in 3 weeks for a (fabulous) new job - training hard core coppers in how to deal better with people with mental health / addiction problems, out there on the streets and as they're taking them into the over-stretched ED's . She's roughly the age of my own girls, mid-late 30s. But tough not far under her girlie exterior that yeah, pain is pain. And we can feel it, and move (however slowly) with it, maybe beyond it.
She spent much of her life in South Africa, Jo'burg in particular. She knows pain.
And laughs heaps!
Oh, yeah. Resonates with a random print-out from my rehab group therapist last week: 'When is it time to stop fixing ourselves? : taking the leap that is self-acceptance'.
I hear Cow say: accept this shite? With menopauses? Temperatures sensitivity? Crap sleeps? Fancy fiddles with diets and therapies and whatevers? Anedhonias?
We talked about stuff like acceptance today in group. Our therapist is leaving us in 3 weeks for a (fabulous) new job - training hard core coppers in how to deal better with people with mental health / addiction problems, out there on the streets and as they're taking them into the over-stretched ED's . She's roughly the age of my own girls, mid-late 30s. But tough not far under her girlie exterior that yeah, pain is pain. And we can feel it, and move (however slowly) with it, maybe beyond it.
She spent much of her life in South Africa, Jo'burg in particular. She knows pain.
And laughs heaps!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Love it.
I have been thinking a lot about this subject of late. What the heck is acceptance and how can i get me some.
Read a great post "words of wisdom" including a quote that I found really confronting:
"Above all, do not lie to yourself. A man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point where he does not discern any truth either in himself or anywhere around him, and thus falls into disrespect towards himself and others. Not respecting anyone, he ceases to love, and having no love, he gives himself up to passions and coarse pleasures, in order to occupy and amuse himself, and in his vices reaches complete bestiality, and it all comes from continually lying to others and to himself. " (Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov, trans. Pevear and Volokhonsky, p. 44).
It made me think about how much I lie to myself in bigger and smaller ways every day and whether I had the guts to really cut that stuff out. How vulnerable this would make me feel. To be honest with myself when I feel hurt, or tired, or bored, or angry instead of just pretending to myself that everything is OK. To accept where I am at instead of trying to be something better than I am in that moment.
I admit that I am worse than most when it come to being in touch with myself -- I recall that I had to ask my therapist to list the emotions cause I truly didn't know what she was on about at 50+.
But how can you ever come to terms with your crap if you aren't honest about it, and then accept it with love.
The problem I have is not turning to hate when I admit a weakness, cause that is why I hide them anyway.
And then it dawned on me that it really does come down to fully accepting my imperfection. Not trying to change it, just coming to terms with it, with love.
I can hear Cow shouting woo woo, and I get that, but when I really identify each of my voices and tell them to be quiet, it really helps.
Not just my AV, but the mean bully, the perfectionist, the one who always wants to do it later, the one who is afraid of being wrong or asking for help, the compromising people pleaser. If I am really honest with myself with love about what is going on, it makes a huge difference.
I find that addicts are often highly sensitive people, which is a gift and a burden.
But I have tried to take Cow's advice to heart -- I not afraid of no humans anymore, not even Dropsie.
I have been thinking a lot about this subject of late. What the heck is acceptance and how can i get me some.
Read a great post "words of wisdom" including a quote that I found really confronting:
"Above all, do not lie to yourself. A man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point where he does not discern any truth either in himself or anywhere around him, and thus falls into disrespect towards himself and others. Not respecting anyone, he ceases to love, and having no love, he gives himself up to passions and coarse pleasures, in order to occupy and amuse himself, and in his vices reaches complete bestiality, and it all comes from continually lying to others and to himself. " (Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov, trans. Pevear and Volokhonsky, p. 44).
It made me think about how much I lie to myself in bigger and smaller ways every day and whether I had the guts to really cut that stuff out. How vulnerable this would make me feel. To be honest with myself when I feel hurt, or tired, or bored, or angry instead of just pretending to myself that everything is OK. To accept where I am at instead of trying to be something better than I am in that moment.
I admit that I am worse than most when it come to being in touch with myself -- I recall that I had to ask my therapist to list the emotions cause I truly didn't know what she was on about at 50+.
But how can you ever come to terms with your crap if you aren't honest about it, and then accept it with love.
The problem I have is not turning to hate when I admit a weakness, cause that is why I hide them anyway.
And then it dawned on me that it really does come down to fully accepting my imperfection. Not trying to change it, just coming to terms with it, with love.
I can hear Cow shouting woo woo, and I get that, but when I really identify each of my voices and tell them to be quiet, it really helps.
Not just my AV, but the mean bully, the perfectionist, the one who always wants to do it later, the one who is afraid of being wrong or asking for help, the compromising people pleaser. If I am really honest with myself with love about what is going on, it makes a huge difference.
I find that addicts are often highly sensitive people, which is a gift and a burden.
But I have tried to take Cow's advice to heart -- I not afraid of no humans anymore, not even Dropsie.
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Originally Posted by Dropsie 
And then it dawned on me that it really does come down to fully accepting my imperfection. Not trying to change it, just coming to terms with it, with love.
I've explored therapy for my anxiety for the first time in my life, and the therapist that i'm seeing now ( I've only seen her twice ) said something pretty profound to me the other day. She said that while there are lots of ways to help ease my anxiety, I simply have to "accept that i'm an anxious person" and that It's OK to be an anxious person. When I think about my addiction and how I've accepted it, it's really the exact same principle.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
I think I've come a long way in accepting my self. Acceptance helps me not look to fix my mental bugs by drinking. Unfortunately it doesn't change the noise in my head -- it allows me to look at it from the outside & understand it better, but it doesn't shut it up. Like a bunch of us, apparently, this isn't a particularly good period of time for me. I hope to make it through a god-awful next 10 days or so at work and then maybe a slight change in medication will have kicked in and I'll feel better. What's going on right now isn't cool at all.
Life is still wonderful, though. I might see an ocean tomorrow -- that would be nice.
Cow, I hope you slept.
Lenina, I'm perplexed-- I looked up atenolol & depression is listed as a side effect, not as a treatment for?
Life is still wonderful, though. I might see an ocean tomorrow -- that would be nice.
Cow, I hope you slept.
Lenina, I'm perplexed-- I looked up atenolol & depression is listed as a side effect, not as a treatment for?
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