Diary of a Mad Cow, Part XVIII: "New Year, New Moo!"
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
SparkleSleeepies! Where is you get that picture of me and my belove BILLY?! That awesome!
I so confuse, you guys. Lot of my friend think, "you be better to be consume by work, force to get up and get out of house and collaborate with other creatives and such." But then others is like, "No way! You poor health, you barely sober, you not gonna be able to take care and stick to you program under such circumstance and you will end up in decline again."
And really, they both is true!
I so confuse, you guys. Lot of my friend think, "you be better to be consume by work, force to get up and get out of house and collaborate with other creatives and such." But then others is like, "No way! You poor health, you barely sober, you not gonna be able to take care and stick to you program under such circumstance and you will end up in decline again."
And really, they both is true!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,047
In your region, verdins are common -- they're small, and an immature verdin would be pretty grey, not a lot of yellow. And they *do* love to have a go at hummingbird feeders!
Like trach, I tend to believe more work is better, all things being equal. Once you're sober, you can learn a helluva lot about the world from participating in it.
But it's not just the amount of work to consider. Would you be alone or among people? On a reasonably structured schedule or with distant vague deadlines to be anxious about?
Like trach, I tend to believe more work is better, all things being equal. Once you're sober, you can learn a helluva lot about the world from participating in it.
But it's not just the amount of work to consider. Would you be alone or among people? On a reasonably structured schedule or with distant vague deadlines to be anxious about?
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,047
For what it's worth, my experience with work in late alcoholism/early sobriety:
I never stopped going to my office. But in my last year of drinking, I didn't produce anything. My career is based on producing, and I didn't write anything for the last year of my drinking or the entire first year of my first stab at sobriety. For the first six months of my second go, I hired a "minder" to sit with me a few hours a week and help me focus. Then eventually I started being able to produce again.
If you're physically capable of engaging in what you do professionally and get some satisfaction from it, I think you should do it. In general, you should maximize participation in things that provide you with some gratification or reward without involving alcohol or caffeine.
I never stopped going to my office. But in my last year of drinking, I didn't produce anything. My career is based on producing, and I didn't write anything for the last year of my drinking or the entire first year of my first stab at sobriety. For the first six months of my second go, I hired a "minder" to sit with me a few hours a week and help me focus. Then eventually I started being able to produce again.
If you're physically capable of engaging in what you do professionally and get some satisfaction from it, I think you should do it. In general, you should maximize participation in things that provide you with some gratification or reward without involving alcohol or caffeine.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
I would be around team of peoples and job would be high stress with lot of deadlines. Will pretty much consume my life (probable 12 hour work days). Will be impossible to keep structure (diet/sun/exercise/therapy/etc.) that I has built now which is gear to health, but opportunity and monies is very rare and good. Gratification will not be so much cuz I not into what they writing, but if creative team is cool, that maybe enjoyable. 
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,047
What does the bovine gut say?
You don't like the work, the hours, the deadlines, the pressure. You *might* like the people, but you're not sure. Do you really need the money -- really? If you don't want to do the job, doing it will make you anxious, stressed & resentful. Then you'll stew over bad thinking.
The tone you're using to write about the prospect rather lacks enthusiasm.
You don't like the work, the hours, the deadlines, the pressure. You *might* like the people, but you're not sure. Do you really need the money -- really? If you don't want to do the job, doing it will make you anxious, stressed & resentful. Then you'll stew over bad thinking.
The tone you're using to write about the prospect rather lacks enthusiasm.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Well, I is scared, Bunny. I still feel very fragile and is just fact I not in good health.
I would be take job for mostly 3 reason: Big monies, and is rare opportunity, and maybe, just maybe, like some say, it be good for me to get up and out and be accountable every day to this project.
On other side, so what. Yes, monies is great but not as great as need to be healthy and start to enjoy life. Okay, so put monies aside, still, in my line of work as writer, as 50 year old woman, staying relevant by working this type of job is big deal if I want to has more and further opportunity in future. ...But, is this career even what I want or what good for me for future. I not know yet! I not even know who Sober Cow is!
Jesus God, is just really hard decisions.
I would be take job for mostly 3 reason: Big monies, and is rare opportunity, and maybe, just maybe, like some say, it be good for me to get up and out and be accountable every day to this project.
On other side, so what. Yes, monies is great but not as great as need to be healthy and start to enjoy life. Okay, so put monies aside, still, in my line of work as writer, as 50 year old woman, staying relevant by working this type of job is big deal if I want to has more and further opportunity in future. ...But, is this career even what I want or what good for me for future. I not know yet! I not even know who Sober Cow is!
Jesus God, is just really hard decisions.
Omnivore
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
About the money Cow....
I take it as a sign that others value what I do. Some people don't need external validation. Do you?
Also, money makes things easier. Perhaps you won't have to be dependent upon a man you despise if you make enough money of your own.
I take it as a sign that others value what I do. Some people don't need external validation. Do you?
Also, money makes things easier. Perhaps you won't have to be dependent upon a man you despise if you make enough money of your own.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,047
You're barely sober & are talking about taking on a huge new commitment that you're way less than sure about. This is very very important, because if it goes south, it could be an excuse for a relapse. If what you're doing now is working for you, it would be the obvious choice to continue to work on that.
Now I'm gonna ask some questions, and hope you try to answer in the spirit of rigorous honesty.
Why not keeping working on your self and focus on recovery?
You seem to have acknowledged that the risk isn't worth the money -- or do you really, at some level, disbelieve that? How greedy are you? (It's ok if you are, a lot of us love the filthy lucre.)
Saying "rare opportunity" is a bit of a dodge. Opportunity for what? Prestige? Future advancement? Power and influence? Why is the opportunity desirable for you? What are you afraid of if you miss it? You say you want to stay "relevant." What's relevant about this work, and what's irrelevant about you without it?
Enough questions.
Now I'm gonna ask some questions, and hope you try to answer in the spirit of rigorous honesty.
Why not keeping working on your self and focus on recovery?
You seem to have acknowledged that the risk isn't worth the money -- or do you really, at some level, disbelieve that? How greedy are you? (It's ok if you are, a lot of us love the filthy lucre.)
Saying "rare opportunity" is a bit of a dodge. Opportunity for what? Prestige? Future advancement? Power and influence? Why is the opportunity desirable for you? What are you afraid of if you miss it? You say you want to stay "relevant." What's relevant about this work, and what's irrelevant about you without it?
Enough questions.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
1. Yes, have to keep work on self and recovery, but is cloistering with my program true answer or just continued comfortable isolation? Not sure.
2. Honestly, not sure if it about "risk is no worth money" or if is just my fear talking.
3. I not greedy. I live extremely simple and minimalist life. BUT, with all my health stuff, I well aware I gonna need lot of care at some point and it gonna cost lot of monies. As writer, I not has 401K and such. I has investments, but you probable has notice stock market lately. Is not enough with work I doing now. Yes, I counting on inheritance. But, you know how that can go. This job would put me back up to level where is prudent for my situations.
4. Is not a lot of opportunity for 50 year old woman to get lucrative writing job. That just way it is. So, this be good for monies, be good for resume, and be good to attract future work. That what I mean by stay relevant, is just to mean, relevant in my professional milieu. I not actual think anything I has write or do ever in my life is "relevant" in any other way but to my own life.
I total appreciate you get all "Mike Wallace" on my ass, Bunny. ... ...but I still conflicted. I think, is appropriate to be conflicted, no? But I does has to make decision.
2. Honestly, not sure if it about "risk is no worth money" or if is just my fear talking.
3. I not greedy. I live extremely simple and minimalist life. BUT, with all my health stuff, I well aware I gonna need lot of care at some point and it gonna cost lot of monies. As writer, I not has 401K and such. I has investments, but you probable has notice stock market lately. Is not enough with work I doing now. Yes, I counting on inheritance. But, you know how that can go. This job would put me back up to level where is prudent for my situations.
4. Is not a lot of opportunity for 50 year old woman to get lucrative writing job. That just way it is. So, this be good for monies, be good for resume, and be good to attract future work. That what I mean by stay relevant, is just to mean, relevant in my professional milieu. I not actual think anything I has write or do ever in my life is "relevant" in any other way but to my own life.
I total appreciate you get all "Mike Wallace" on my ass, Bunny. ... ...but I still conflicted. I think, is appropriate to be conflicted, no? But I does has to make decision.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,047
OK, thanks. This sounds like a more pragmatic decision than I'd thought -- or at least, equal parts professional decision-making and confusion about whether the work will support recovery or cause undue stress. My personal experience w/that has been that work has been good for me and even when I was too early to do it at full capacity, it was good for me to try.
I hope whatever decision you make, it goes well for you.
I hope whatever decision you make, it goes well for you.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Will be impossible to keep structure (diet/sun/exercise/therapy/etc.) that I has built...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Cow,
The way I see it, the problem you are having making the decision is because its a hard decision.
High risk, high reward. Not only financial reward now, but future jobs that you may even like. And if you say no, will they ask the next time?
But the downside is also huge. To your sobriety and i suppose if you do it and bail that would not be good. Which is why I suppose you can't just give it a try and if its too much stop.
But the problem there is you also don't know what is best either -- if you do it, it could actually help with other things you want, connection, sobriety.
The fear I would have is doing this sober, could I? Would I?? Do I even want to try? Is it worth the risk?
Also, if you are like many of us, the allure of success wanes with the years. Who gives a craps ass anyway? Or is that just an excuse to stay in our comfort zone?
Practical question -- how long is the real commitment? Would there be a jumping off point in the foreseeable future? How bad is the downside if you take it and then bail?
How did you do with the latest project? That involved real pressure, how hard was it to stick to the Diet Pepsi?
For me, it would be virtually impossible to take such a decision right now, so I feel for you.
What will make the future Dropsie less unhappy? Will I feel worse passing on this and saying what if if later? What if I try and things go down the tubes??
Net net, I would probably take it, but I am a risk taker. And the comfort of having additional financial security now that I can not blow it would worth be the risk. Plus the ability to stay in the game in the hope of doing something I like better later.
But I would be really worried about the 12 hours a day. Why can't there ever be the right amount of work?? Always too much or too little.
But who are you rooting for tomorrow??
The way I see it, the problem you are having making the decision is because its a hard decision.
High risk, high reward. Not only financial reward now, but future jobs that you may even like. And if you say no, will they ask the next time?
But the downside is also huge. To your sobriety and i suppose if you do it and bail that would not be good. Which is why I suppose you can't just give it a try and if its too much stop.
But the problem there is you also don't know what is best either -- if you do it, it could actually help with other things you want, connection, sobriety.
The fear I would have is doing this sober, could I? Would I?? Do I even want to try? Is it worth the risk?
Also, if you are like many of us, the allure of success wanes with the years. Who gives a craps ass anyway? Or is that just an excuse to stay in our comfort zone?
Practical question -- how long is the real commitment? Would there be a jumping off point in the foreseeable future? How bad is the downside if you take it and then bail?
How did you do with the latest project? That involved real pressure, how hard was it to stick to the Diet Pepsi?
For me, it would be virtually impossible to take such a decision right now, so I feel for you.
What will make the future Dropsie less unhappy? Will I feel worse passing on this and saying what if if later? What if I try and things go down the tubes??
Net net, I would probably take it, but I am a risk taker. And the comfort of having additional financial security now that I can not blow it would worth be the risk. Plus the ability to stay in the game in the hope of doing something I like better later.
But I would be really worried about the 12 hours a day. Why can't there ever be the right amount of work?? Always too much or too little.
But who are you rooting for tomorrow??
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Sleeps,
Even if you ant sleep, put away the computer, close your eyes, and try to at least relax for a few hours.
I know its not easy, but if you stop stressing about not sleeping, it may come or at least you have some down time.
XXX
Even if you ant sleep, put away the computer, close your eyes, and try to at least relax for a few hours.
I know its not easy, but if you stop stressing about not sleeping, it may come or at least you have some down time.
XXX
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