View Poll Results: Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Yes
113
34.98%
No
67
20.74%
It depends on how long s/he has been sober
92
28.48%
I don't know
31
9.60%
I don't date
20
6.19%
Voters: 323. You may not vote on this poll
Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Part of this thread would make me want to simply say I'm teetotal and don't drink (which I don't) if I met someone!! . . . that way the label "recovering alcoholic" wouldn't rule me out of some people's criteria!! . . . relationships have similarities with job interviews, start with mentioning the positives and don't dwell on the negatives!!
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
That whole other question! Is of course gratifying when someone want to date you. But not change fact that would be foolish to date Cow. I not saying I NEVER would date recover addict. I just saying, first, very, very thorough and long term observations would be in order.
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Well, suppose you didn't know? Suppose it was never mentioned? We've all done stupid things in our past, why would this one particular thing forever paint us as a pariah if we are no longer practicing "drunks?" Having had an addiction is not like being a murderer or a child molester. In other words, it isn't a crime to have liked a perfectly legal substance a bit too much, and then having to learn to control it and continue to do so. If I went out with a woman who was once overweight, would it be incumbent upon her to spill the beans about how she once had a problem controlling how much she ate? Should I say, "Oh no, it might happen again. I better steer clear of this one!" I know overeating doesn't pose as many dangers (to others) as does alcohol abuse, but I hope you are understanding my point here.
Well, my "one particular thing" was not just "little bit" of problem. It comprise 30 year of black out, illegal activity, mental illness, career meltdown crazytown. So that why I say it depend and require investigation.
Total understand you point. I not think hasing been alcoholic is lifelong albatross. Is for everyone to decide what they needs to reveal to new people in they life. For me, I always tell anybody getting close about my past cuz was such HUGE part of my identity for so long that I personal feel is fraudulent no to tell them.
Total understand you point. I not think hasing been alcoholic is lifelong albatross. Is for everyone to decide what they needs to reveal to new people in they life. For me, I always tell anybody getting close about my past cuz was such HUGE part of my identity for so long that I personal feel is fraudulent no to tell them.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
If I'd had cancer, I could have a reoccurence. Therefore, the ethical thing to do would be to inform potential serious partners about my prior cancer. Same thing with alcoholism. Relapse is entirely possible. Some things are deal breakers in potential relationships...having kids, not wanting to have kids, having financial problems, having mental health problems, having a criminal record, whatever. Anyone is entitled to refuse to date anyone they don't want to based on their personal deal breakers. No one is entitled to have a relationship just because they think they deserve one, despite their pasts. That's life.
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Well, my "one particular thing" was not just "little bit" of problem. It comprise 30 year of black out, illegal activity, mental illness, career meltdown crazytown. So that why I say it depend and require investigation.
Total understand you point. I not think hasing been alcoholic is lifelong albatross. Is for everyone to decide what they needs to reveal to new people in they life. For me, I always tell anybody getting close about my past cuz was such HUGE part of my identity for so long that I personal feel is fraudulent no to tell them.
Total understand you point. I not think hasing been alcoholic is lifelong albatross. Is for everyone to decide what they needs to reveal to new people in they life. For me, I always tell anybody getting close about my past cuz was such HUGE part of my identity for so long that I personal feel is fraudulent no to tell them.
I never say I not lovable --I total lovable! I mean, looks at me! I freaking adorable! But serious, most peoples does no reject me, even when I was still living in heart of darkness. I just feel like I wants to be transparent.
For me, enormity of it would be like, to use changeschoices analogy, not revealing that I have survive cancer and had breasts remove, or something. For you, maybe is just like omiting that you once had suspicious mole taken off you nose. I think is spectrum, and is very individual.
But I also think, if you gonna be tempted to use cuz you get romantically rejected, then you not ready to date!
For me, enormity of it would be like, to use changeschoices analogy, not revealing that I have survive cancer and had breasts remove, or something. For you, maybe is just like omiting that you once had suspicious mole taken off you nose. I think is spectrum, and is very individual.
But I also think, if you gonna be tempted to use cuz you get romantically rejected, then you not ready to date!
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
No, not saying I would be tempted to use again out of rejection, but I could see how some people might become really depressed and dejected and just give up. I'm not ready to date, personally, because I feel I have too much work left to do on myself. Romance puts a whole new spin on everything, and it's a fast spin! I don't think I could handle the emotional investment right now, simply because it would be too distracting.
GMO, Sorry, I mean 'you' as in impersonal 'everybody.'
Dating very tough. Even my total healthy, normal, non-addict friends is depress and dejected about it. So, yeah, you gotta be ready ride some waves before you hit that beach.
Dating very tough. Even my total healthy, normal, non-addict friends is depress and dejected about it. So, yeah, you gotta be ready ride some waves before you hit that beach.
Well unlike Cow, I am not totally lovable. I have a hair that keeps growing out of my chin I have to keep a close eye on, my stomach is ugly, my eyelashes look all willywonka in the morning because I am a side sleeper, and I'm totally freaked out if my house is not clean to my standards. SOOOOOOO.....all that and the fact, I'm married, means I probably shouldn't date. But if that was all different, and someone didn't want to date me because I'm an alcoholic, well then I would accept that. I understand that.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,707
its not so much if your going to drink again or not that people should worry about when getting into a relationship with and alcoholic.
its how good are they at working a daily living program, do they honestly put others ahead of there own self ? or are they still full of self ?
a dog would have a better life than anyone trying to live with an alcoholic who doesn't drink anymore but hasn't changed either.
how would you know if people have changed ? its simply look at how much work they do to help others
if there not helping others then there to busy helping themselves.
its how good are they at working a daily living program, do they honestly put others ahead of there own self ? or are they still full of self ?
a dog would have a better life than anyone trying to live with an alcoholic who doesn't drink anymore but hasn't changed either.
how would you know if people have changed ? its simply look at how much work they do to help others
if there not helping others then there to busy helping themselves.
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