Gal220

I would have said no, but I did, and I married one! Not only is he a recovering alcoholic, he is a recovering addict and had spent most of his life drinking and drugging. He is twenty years my senior. He was unemployed and living off his parents when I met him. I always tease him that he was such a catch! When we run into his old buddies, they always comment that he's so lucky. But it's really me who's lucky. I've learned that circumstances matter very little; it's the heart of a person that's important. His circumstances were what they were because he was an alcoholic and an addict. He is the most generous and honest person I know. His character puts me to shame. In sobriety, he has found steady, respectable work. He only makes enough to pay our insurance premiums, but we are a partnership and couldn't make it without both our efforts. He pulls more than his fair share around the house. He has stood by me in all of my struggles. He never missed a prenatal appointment for either of our babies. And he is an amazing father to our two children (even though he always claims he's "too old for this!"). It is a tremendous relief to know that this person I am sharing my life understands all of me. I'm still amazed to this day that he chose me, an alcoholic. He deserves much better!

NorCaliGal

My earlier response to this was yes. But now that my boyfriend has relapsed, I honestly would say casually date still yes...but deciding to have an exclusive relationship would take a lot of evidence that they were 100% committed to their recovery and had been in recovery for a good period of time.

changeschoices

Unfortunately, my answer now is "no". After three and half years with my alcoholic ex-boyfriend, his cycles of being dry and in active alcoholism, and his leaving me for the fourth time five months ago when he relapsed yet again, I am spent. My hair is just starting to grow back after falling out from the stress, and while I miss him terribly and still love him very much, I no longer believe that he will ever sustain sobriety. I know that many people do, but I don't have hope for him anymore. This experience, my first with an alcoholic, was so painful that I could never willingly date an alcoholic again.

It makes me sad that I no longer believe my ex will ever attain true sobriety. It's the saddest feeling ever, to know that my heart and hope have given up.

changeschoices

P.S. I didn't lose all my hair, just lots of it! Lol! It was very distressing to realize I was falling apart physically. I was in plenty of denial, but my body wasn't.

diffingo911

I was seeing a recovering alcoholic of 15+ yrs. Hadn't had a drink, attending meetings VERY regularly-Nonetheless still had LOTS of issues, apparently. VERY Freaky individual. Ripped My Heart out (or should I say I LET it get ripped out by a troubled individual) and I haven't had any kind of deep relationship since then. That was 2002. Since then, I've heard PLENTY of stories very similar to mine. Depending on the circumstance, Alcoholics, in a General way-either Recovering or Using, can be VERY Manipulative and Dangerous. How the heck could I have ever known or even had any IDEA that even with being in the program that long, that someone could still be such a mean, nasty MESS? So how can ANYONE say "Yeah, if I can see that they're "working their Program" or NOT-We're NOT Mind-Readers!

YVRguy

I would not and won't date period. A solo life is not for everyone but for me its a freedom to continue to grow and avoid dependence day to day.

hiddenzebra

Can't say that I've been on a real "date." Went out a few times, just hanging out as far as I knew at the time, only to find out later that it was supposed to be a date... though the informant wasn't the person I was with.

The women I've been interested in usually had a few (easily recognizable-- at least to me) quirks of their own that I found endearing. With that said, I'd date someone in recovery, if I could. I just don't know how. Most of my life has been filled with bad habits or addiction of one sort or another. It seems lately I've been trying much harder. It would be fantastic to find someone else (compatible) who is actively trying to lead a more positive life, IMHO.

Mountainmanbob

hitting on a good point there
I went out with a Lady in the Program that had her 10 year token
in no way did she have it together

time away from the drink is a good thing
but
real moral sobriety is not shown in all who do not drink

I see many out in the world and in AA
that
I wish for nothing that they have

MB

soberbythesea

No. I have too many issues of my own. If anything ever happened to my current marriage (not that I think it will) I don't think I would get into another serious relationship for a good long time, and definitely not with someone else in recovery.

FourSeasons

Ditto on the No.

All my life I have attracted people who like to drink.

Maybe it was me... Go figure...

I want someone who is 100% opposite of the 99% of men that I have dated in the past. I would love to meet a sober, stable, and kind nerd who just doesn't like to drink and never has.

Louise82

You called?

I voted "I don't know" because at only 5 months sober I don't really know what I want. Because I have issues other than alcoholism I definitely want to wait until I have at least 1 year sober before I date, perhaps even 2 years.

CactusJill

Were I single, the answer would be "depends on how long he has been sober." I find that many people in recovery are some of the most stable and wise people I have ever met.

SonomaGal

I voted yes, but it would be very dependent on that persons particular set of life circumstances, and their commitment to sobriety. My only real fear would be the joining of two people with a shared problem and what would happen if one started drinking again. It would be impossible for me to be with an active alcoholic, so there'd have to be incredible communication and the understanding that drinking again is a total deal breaker.

Aellyce

Many threads like this. I did not vote because my opinion on this was not an option there, but my personal view is that it entirely depends on the person, and our compatibility. I would treat this question just like I treat it in general in life: every situation is unique even if some components seem repetitive at times.

I definitely would not date an active addict/alcoholic, been there done that in the past. But someone who is serious about recovery and has a generally positive, progressive attitude and outlook, why not? It's a risk, but I would consider taking a sensible risk for a great compatible connection, given that it's a healthy motivation also on my end.

Kllme

I went to an AA meeting and there 2 young people gf and bf. I was thinking it would either be great or train wreck. If you are both sober, awesome but what happens when 1 falls off the track, then the other could easily go that way as well.

Dating is a mess for me. I have never dated sober. I feel like I am not as attractive as I once was and 95% of girls classify themselves as a social drinker. And then you have the stigma, they classify you as an alcoholic and that is a kiss of death.

PurpleKnight

My dilemma is, if I vote "no" then I feel like I am saying that I myself am undateable for ever more and am a lost cause, because what if I relapse? . . . surely I need to have some faith in people pulling through addiction and having a happy ever after relationship if I am to have confidence and hope that it can happen for me surely?

If I say "yes" then this doesn't write my own self off!! . . . being resigned to being single for the rest of my days due to simply having an addiction sounds quite depressing, a strong/lasting recovery surely should open the door to the potential of a relationship once again?!!

KAD

Given that I am a recovering alcoholic, I'd be shooting myself in the foot if I said I wouldn't date one. It would be tantamount to saying no one should ever date me again.

Mountainmanbob

I have dated ones in Recovery

I have hired ones in Recovery

I often hang out with ones in Recovery

and in no way do I agree with you Cactus


Mountainman

Kllme

This is going to be one of my biggest challenges as I have never dated a girl sober.

KAD

I can tell you this much... my ex-wife was neither an alcoholic or a drug addict but she was bat sh1t crazy! She did have a problem with overeating, though.