KAD

Precisely my point! Why draw attention to it by slapping the label "recovering alcoholic" on yourself? It kinda goes hand in hand with a thread I started elsewhere about telling people - friends, relatives, former mates, etc. - that I'm an alcoholic. Of what benefit would that be? If you are no longer living that way, or a potential love interest is no longer living that way, then just be normal people! In that thread, most people were agreeing that that would be the best policy. If you make such a big damn deal out of it, it becomes an even bigger damn deal.

Mountainmanbob

I'm teetotal and don't drink (which I don't) if I met someone!!


That works perfect

KAD

It was an interesting test. It says I'm "preoccupied." It says that like its a bad thing. :/

Cow

To be total honest, would depend on how crazy they is. I says that tongue in cheek, but also not. I mean, everybody got they crazy. Let me put this way: I would certainly NO DATE ME.

Raider

I'm with Cow. I wouldn't date me either. No I would not date one. Never.

KAD

But would you ever want someone to date you?

Cow

That whole other question! Is of course gratifying when someone want to date you. But not change fact that would be foolish to date Cow. I not saying I NEVER would date recover addict. I just saying, first, very, very thorough and long term observations would be in order.

KAD

Well, suppose you didn't know? Suppose it was never mentioned? We've all done stupid things in our past, why would this one particular thing forever paint us as a pariah if we are no longer practicing "drunks?" Having had an addiction is not like being a murderer or a child molester. In other words, it isn't a crime to have liked a perfectly legal substance a bit too much, and then having to learn to control it and continue to do so. If I went out with a woman who was once overweight, would it be incumbent upon her to spill the beans about how she once had a problem controlling how much she ate? Should I say, "Oh no, it might happen again. I better steer clear of this one!" I know overeating doesn't pose as many dangers (to others) as does alcohol abuse, but I hope you are understanding my point here.

Cow

Well, my "one particular thing" was not just "little bit" of problem. It comprise 30 year of black out, illegal activity, mental illness, career meltdown crazytown. So that why I say it depend and require investigation.

Total understand you point. I not think hasing been alcoholic is lifelong albatross. Is for everyone to decide what they needs to reveal to new people in they life. For me, I always tell anybody getting close about my past cuz was such HUGE part of my identity for so long that I personal feel is fraudulent no to tell them.

changeschoices

If I'd had cancer, I could have a reoccurence. Therefore, the ethical thing to do would be to inform potential serious partners about my prior cancer. Same thing with alcoholism. Relapse is entirely possible. Some things are deal breakers in potential relationships...having kids, not wanting to have kids, having financial problems, having mental health problems, having a criminal record, whatever. Anyone is entitled to refuse to date anyone they don't want to based on their personal deal breakers. No one is entitled to have a relationship just because they think they deserve one, despite their pasts. That's life.

KAD

I guess maybe the difference for me is that I didn't have symptoms as severe as the ones you mentioned. I never blacked out, never got arrested (not even for DUI), never lost a job over drinking... I always stayed under the radar. I understand your points. It just seems to perpetuate this feeling of hopelessness and being...unlovable, because of past mistakes. In my opinion, that in and of itself lends itself to the temptation to use again.

Cow

I never say I not lovable --I total lovable! I mean, looks at me! I freaking adorable! But serious, most peoples does no reject me, even when I was still living in heart of darkness. I just feel like I wants to be transparent.

For me, enormity of it would be like, to use changeschoices analogy, not revealing that I have survive cancer and had breasts remove, or something. For you, maybe is just like omiting that you once had suspicious mole taken off you nose. I think is spectrum, and is very individual.

But I also think, if you gonna be tempted to use cuz you get romantically rejected, then you not ready to date!

KAD

No, not saying I would be tempted to use again out of rejection, but I could see how some people might become really depressed and dejected and just give up. I'm not ready to date, personally, because I feel I have too much work left to do on myself. Romance puts a whole new spin on everything, and it's a fast spin! I don't think I could handle the emotional investment right now, simply because it would be too distracting.

Cow

GMO, Sorry, I mean 'you' as in impersonal 'everybody.'

Dating very tough. Even my total healthy, normal, non-addict friends is depress and dejected about it. So, yeah, you gotta be ready ride some waves before you hit that beach.

Raider

Well unlike Cow, I am not totally lovable. I have a hair that keeps growing out of my chin I have to keep a close eye on, my stomach is ugly, my eyelashes look all willywonka in the morning because I am a side sleeper, and I'm totally freaked out if my house is not clean to my standards. SOOOOOOO.....all that and the fact, I'm married, means I probably shouldn't date. But if that was all different, and someone didn't want to date me because I'm an alcoholic, well then I would accept that. I understand that.

Raider

Someone better come along soon and tell me I'm loveable......

Cow

Ha ha moo ha! You wrong, you total lovable!

Raider

That's more like it Cow. You sweet thing.

Cow

Hey, we posts at exact same time! Deja Moo!

desypete

its not so much if your going to drink again or not that people should worry about when getting into a relationship with and alcoholic.

its how good are they at working a daily living program, do they honestly put others ahead of there own self ? or are they still full of self ?

a dog would have a better life than anyone trying to live with an alcoholic who doesn't drink anymore but hasn't changed either.

how would you know if people have changed ? its simply look at how much work they do to help others
if there not helping others then there to busy helping themselves.