Carlotta

Just curious how people who are recovering themselves feel about getting involved with a sober alcoholic.

blueplanet

I definitely would. I think it would take the pressure off of dating situations, bars, etc. Also it would be great to be with someone who understands. And we could support each others sobriety ideally. I never have though, so I'm sure it would have its problems also.

nandm

I voted yes but I know that the person and their sobriety would be the determining factor rather than their length of sobriety. I say that simply because I have met people with less than a year sober who have had what I consider to be a better quality of sobriety than some with multiple years so I try not to judge people based on how long their have sober.

I also voted yes because I met my partner in recovery. We will celebrate 12 years together this June 26th. I think there are both positive and negative aspects of dating or being in a relationship when both people are in recovery. Maintaining strong support groups outside of the relationship is important they can help if one person in the relationship goes back out. That has not happened in my relationship but I have seen it happen in others and the people who have not had strong support groups have wound up going back out with or shortly after their partner. Codependency can also become a problem and a support group or sponsor can help identify when that type of problem is arising to help head off problems. If both people are in a recovery program it can be helpful to have someone to talk with but a pitfall can arise if instead of utilizing a sponsor they use their partner as a sponsor instead. That can put a lot of stress on a relationship. But it is great to have someone who understands why you don't drink and can support you in that when you go out. It is also nice to have someone to go to meetings with on a regular basis. It is really nice to have someone who understands that even when things really are hard you can not pick up a drink no matter what and they support you in that.

Grungehead

I would and I have. We had a very healthy relationship but I ended up leaving her to go back to my not so healthy relationship with my old girlfriend. You can probably guess how that turned out.

Mountainmanbob

fantail

I don't know, because everything always depends on the person. But I'd lean towards no. In a perfect world, I wouldn't want to be partnered with someone who had the same Achilles heel as me. Too close to home. I feel I'm a better support for people when their problems don't also have such a serious connotation in my own separate life.

Dee74

I'm a recovering alcoholic, and I'd date me

Seriously, there's a very very wide spectrum to be canvassed here...and a lot of things to consider when thinking about that special someone.

I wouldn't necessarily look for it, but alcoholic in recovery (assuming it's a strong, matured recovery) would not be a dealbreaker for me...if I was in the market...and I'm not LOL.

D

1newcreation

Absolutely would IF & only IF she showed me that she was working the program & has @ least 1 yr sobriety

awuh1

Someone said it better than I could… “the goods are odd but the odds are good”.

StevenT

Umm... I voted yes because I'm with a recovering alcoholic. Now I'm not saying our relationship has been one of those rollercoaster rides that doesn't have ups and downs, quite the opposite. I was told to wait a year before I made that decision. I waited two months....

I did it wrong, I'll admit. But for reasons unknown and beyond my control I love her more then anyone I've been with previously.

...... Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome... lol

But, for the benefit of others, I'll tell my short story on this one. She was engaged. 7 year relationship. His mom died, he went across the country for the funeral. We slept together. A horrible few months followed. Threats, insecurity, hatred, scorn, shame, guilt, a whole gamut of things that could have been avoided by using my brain. During the time we've been together, she went back to him for a night or two, left and got involved with several guys in a month, we've relapsed together 3 times, and smaller things like trust issues and resentments came up as well.

There were good times too, in fact they outnumber the bad ones, but the magnitude is on a much smaller scale. All in all, I've suffered far more at the hands of this woman then anything else I've ever experienced. And I've been through a few things in my short time here on earth.

She's sleeping in the other room right now, and I'm glad I'm with her. Today, that is. I can't explain it. I left for a time, looked at my side of the street, took all the above into consideration, and at the end of a week away came back. Yes, I know, that is a red flag for co-dependency. It very well could be something I need to address. But for the moment I'm happy, serene, and I can trust her completely.

We've both worked the 12 steps, go to meetings, both of us have 2 sponsees, and if it weren't three in the morning I could probably think of more to say. But alas, I cannot. I just hope that my experience here will help someone in some way.

caboblanco

active alcoholic no, recovering alcoholic I'd give the same chance as a non alcoholic. You gotta take some chances

Tamerua

Sure! Why not? I am taken but if I wasn't, I would absolutely date a sober alcoholic. One thing I know in life, everyone has baggage. I heard a saying, might have been the Buddhist Bootcamp. Everyone enters a relationship with baggage, you want to find the person who will help you unpack it.

soberclover

I married a recovering addict/alcoholic way back when. We are divorced now. I'm in a relationship with a functioning alcoholic. I've learned that I gravitate towards what I know. And I certainly know addicts and alcoholics lol! Relationships aren't all that they are said to be. The best relationship I've been in so far is the one that I'm learning to have with myself

flutter

I immediately clicked "no". But, I'm married.. (to a normal drinker), and I don't really know what'd I'd do. I hate to say "no" absolutely, there are always success stories (and I feel I am one of them!) but it's so rare really. Hmm. This is a great question!! I would much prefer to date/marry a non-drinker.. so maybe just maybe I would if they had many years and a solid recovery under their belt.

Stang

I don't know. It seems assholish to hold a past problem against someone when you have had that issue yourself. OTOH I would fear becoming attached to her and she relapses. I couldn't take a drunk SO. I don't tell women I date I'm a recovering alcoholic. When asked why I don't drink I just say it was getting the best of me so I quit. I could understand somebody avoiding a relationship with a recovering alkie/addict.

Threshold

I was tempted to say 'no' because generally I'd tell people to run like heck from a recovering alcoholic/addict. I am one. I am living with one. So who am I to talk.

We DO all come with baggage and issues and the thing is are we addressing them honestly and aware of them. To me that's more important.

To me it would be a yellow flag, but not a deal breaker. If my bf drinks I am outta here. That's something we are both clear on. (oh how I hope I won't be tested on this one)

doggonecarl

It's just a hypothetical question for me, as I'm already married, to a normie.

Date, sure. But a long-term relationship? Knowing my own track record, I wouldn't want to get serious with either a recovering addict or alcoholic.

Wanderlove

I say yes, I can't judge someone for having a problem I have myself. Their recovery is a sign of strength.

sable1

Yeah, but he would need to have some solid sober time even though dating means casual to me. I have some experience with relationships with addicts though, and it's a real pain in the ass when someone haven't sorted themselves out yet. They tend to have big issues and be difficult to have any type of realtionship with in my experience (and I'm including myself in that). But if he had been sober for a long time I would see it as a positive thing.

FeenixxRising

What Cabo said. Actually, I would date any woman who wasn't a full-blown addict. Getting serious is a different matter. She would have to be serious about recovery; not a woman who is exhibiting a wishy-washy stumbling type of recovery.

Having made that judgment, I wouldn't get serious with me right now I need some sober time under my belt before I'm serious relationship material.