Once More Unto The Breach
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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I agree. If it hasn't happened already, you will probably find it annoying to watch normally coherent people gradually slip into babbling, incoherent speech as their blood alcohol levels rise. If I know someone relatively well, I can tell the difference even after a small amount has been ingested. Yes, I was among the crowd at one time, and I often wonder how I must have been perceived by the coherent non-drinkers around me.
I do not long for those days. In fact I, too, find myself at the door after I have been able to tolerate the behaviors you speak of long enough to be polite, then I'm outa there.
Good on ya for knowing where to draw the line.
FT
I do not long for those days. In fact I, too, find myself at the door after I have been able to tolerate the behaviors you speak of long enough to be polite, then I'm outa there.
Good on ya for knowing where to draw the line.
FT
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 426
thanks RAA & FT.
by the end of last night, i was getting concerned about the degree to which it was all agitating me. i don't want to become a bitter recluse who resents others for drinking and i don't want to "mingle" with clenched fists and angry thoughts stomping thru my mind. much of this socializing is work related, and therefore unavoidable lest i switch jobs, so i'd like to find a way to lighten up a bit in that mix somehow. to be clear, i'm not pining to drink again at these things - i've a cringe-worthy history of losing some very good jobs because of going blackout berserk at office parties, i'm just struggling a bit to find a way to be comfortable in my own skin in these surroundings. perhaps that's just not possible tho. i'm not a small talk person, and without the liquor, cocktail parties are truly about the saddest, hollowest, most superficial wastes of time imaginable. if one more drunk colleague hug-tackles me to punctuate a not funny in the first place anecdotal joke story, i may start swinging. kidding, i am a pacifist, so most likely i'll just smile politely and continue to internalize my anger.
i'm thankful i made it thru tho, angry or not, and i'm thankful i've got a few days to chill out upcoming. as a matter of perspective, it bears remembering that my inability to enjoy work related cocktail parties is a fairly good problem to have given that a year ago at this time, i was still in jail serving a sentence for a serious injury DUI. the stakes are high enough to suffer an awkward moment here and there.
by the end of last night, i was getting concerned about the degree to which it was all agitating me. i don't want to become a bitter recluse who resents others for drinking and i don't want to "mingle" with clenched fists and angry thoughts stomping thru my mind. much of this socializing is work related, and therefore unavoidable lest i switch jobs, so i'd like to find a way to lighten up a bit in that mix somehow. to be clear, i'm not pining to drink again at these things - i've a cringe-worthy history of losing some very good jobs because of going blackout berserk at office parties, i'm just struggling a bit to find a way to be comfortable in my own skin in these surroundings. perhaps that's just not possible tho. i'm not a small talk person, and without the liquor, cocktail parties are truly about the saddest, hollowest, most superficial wastes of time imaginable. if one more drunk colleague hug-tackles me to punctuate a not funny in the first place anecdotal joke story, i may start swinging. kidding, i am a pacifist, so most likely i'll just smile politely and continue to internalize my anger.
i'm thankful i made it thru tho, angry or not, and i'm thankful i've got a few days to chill out upcoming. as a matter of perspective, it bears remembering that my inability to enjoy work related cocktail parties is a fairly good problem to have given that a year ago at this time, i was still in jail serving a sentence for a serious injury DUI. the stakes are high enough to suffer an awkward moment here and there.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Hi NC,
For me, I don't know how to do small talk to someone else who is in an "altered state", and it isn't from attitude as much as the fact that my synapses are firing at a different rate from theirs. I can still remember things I found wildly hilarious while drinking that made no sense to me later on at all.
As a non-drinker, you just go on to enjoy things in an unaltered state. It doesn't even matter what the DOC is, you just aren't on the same planet as the altered personality is, once the DOC takes hold. It's been a long time since I've had a drink, and it no longer irritates me so much as just disinterests me to try to carry on a conversation in those situations. I'm not even sorry I used to drink, smoke pot, or hell even drop acid as I did years ago -- those are just levels of consciousness I no longer wish to occupy.
Your stakes are certainly higher than mine -- well, different anyway, as the stakes are far higher than I want to risk in my situation. It doesn't hurt to go there when your thoughts turn to the "what if's", because it is far too easy to forget the consequences the farther away they move into the past.
Great job so far this week. Now, get through tomorrow and then the weekend. As I said before, sometimes these tough moments become the milestones in our recovery. I hope you are able to enjoy the holiday with family and good friends and don't have to encounter too many of the tough gatherings.
FT
For me, I don't know how to do small talk to someone else who is in an "altered state", and it isn't from attitude as much as the fact that my synapses are firing at a different rate from theirs. I can still remember things I found wildly hilarious while drinking that made no sense to me later on at all.
As a non-drinker, you just go on to enjoy things in an unaltered state. It doesn't even matter what the DOC is, you just aren't on the same planet as the altered personality is, once the DOC takes hold. It's been a long time since I've had a drink, and it no longer irritates me so much as just disinterests me to try to carry on a conversation in those situations. I'm not even sorry I used to drink, smoke pot, or hell even drop acid as I did years ago -- those are just levels of consciousness I no longer wish to occupy.
Your stakes are certainly higher than mine -- well, different anyway, as the stakes are far higher than I want to risk in my situation. It doesn't hurt to go there when your thoughts turn to the "what if's", because it is far too easy to forget the consequences the farther away they move into the past.
Great job so far this week. Now, get through tomorrow and then the weekend. As I said before, sometimes these tough moments become the milestones in our recovery. I hope you are able to enjoy the holiday with family and good friends and don't have to encounter too many of the tough gatherings.
FT
Join Date: Aug 2011
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Originally Posted by noblecause
it's a pretty neat feeling to be fearless.
The things you are looking to obtain and/or avoid are not in the bottom of a bottle. They just aren't...they never were. You know where they are.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Originally Posted by soberlicious 
To face uncomfortable situations without the bottle is to be truly fearless. Obviously you are smart and successful. You would be a complete and total badass if you took the control back from the fear and identified with and embraced being a nondrinker.
The things you are looking to obtain and/or avoid are not in the bottom of a bottle. They just aren't...they never were. You know where they are.
The things you are looking to obtain and/or avoid are not in the bottom of a bottle. They just aren't...they never were. You know where they are.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
NC
My emotions were all over the place for three months. I suggest there are a number of things going on for you. The way it is now , is not necessarily the way it will always be. I used to be known for my periodic outburst of righteous fury based on some real issue at work. I have not had one for months, but in that first 90 days I was unstable.
My emotions were all over the place for three months. I suggest there are a number of things going on for you. The way it is now , is not necessarily the way it will always be. I used to be known for my periodic outburst of righteous fury based on some real issue at work. I have not had one for months, but in that first 90 days I was unstable.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
A great blog written by a deep-thinking sober woman... Letting go
You can read her thoughts from her fairly early sobriety in '07 to present. I think you might enjoy her and may pick up some useful insights. What may be of most use to you is the early material where she is a little further along than you are now.
Charging the breach endlessly alone and armed with nothing but yet another ironclad decision isn't turning the trick. Examine at your leisure another approach to our shared problem and see if you notice growth and deepening understanding as she goes along.
You can read her thoughts from her fairly early sobriety in '07 to present. I think you might enjoy her and may pick up some useful insights. What may be of most use to you is the early material where she is a little further along than you are now.
Charging the breach endlessly alone and armed with nothing but yet another ironclad decision isn't turning the trick. Examine at your leisure another approach to our shared problem and see if you notice growth and deepening understanding as she goes along.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Originally Posted by Dee74
it's more than doable, it's entirely possible 
Happy Thanksgiving NC
D
Happy Thanksgiving NC
D
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Hey NC....you werent alone! Sometimes making that hard decision to distance ourselves is us taking care of us. In the end I respect myself more for it as I am sure you do too. It is your right to leave just as much it is theirs to partake. Keep on keepin on.
Dave
Dave
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Originally Posted by NobleCause
Spent the holiday alone in a hotel a thousand miles from home. I'd planned things differently, but realized quickly after arriving that there was no chance of getting thru the day sober in a house full of old friends and relatives awash in old habits. So I kicked around the corners of that party for an hour or two, found a hotel room and cab, grabbed my luggage and split. It was a good Thanksgiving.
FT
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 426
I drank. Eff'ed it up. Had one. And another. And so on. I could come up with a million reasons why, but in the end it doesn't matter. I made a lot of good decisions this week, but yesterday I didn't. Failure to perform. Today's a new day tho, so today I flee this miserable place a few days early, and I drag myself home, and I go straight again. Again. I am really not so good at this.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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NC,
You drank because you have not decided you are a non-drinker yet. That is not intended as a slight. I am not a believer that we have no control over our fate, and yet we clearly are where we are on our path because that is exactly where we are supposed to be.
As long as you remain in a reactionary state, all your decisions will be made by what is going on around you. That is not a criticism, just an observation. You can either keep going like this, or you can decide that you are the designer of your destiny. Once you have decided that, you will find it amazing how many things start going your way.
FT
You drank because you have not decided you are a non-drinker yet. That is not intended as a slight. I am not a believer that we have no control over our fate, and yet we clearly are where we are on our path because that is exactly where we are supposed to be.
As long as you remain in a reactionary state, all your decisions will be made by what is going on around you. That is not a criticism, just an observation. You can either keep going like this, or you can decide that you are the designer of your destiny. Once you have decided that, you will find it amazing how many things start going your way.
FT
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