lilyrosemary

Hi, my two adult daughters are visiting me this week from out of state. they both drink a lot. i have been sober 2.5 years. their drinking concerns me greatly. the amount, the frequency...lots of beer has been consumed here this week. yesterday i told them both their drinking concerns me. my oldest daughter's behavior when drinking is straight up plain and simple annoying. also, i see a LOT of myself in her. i wont go into detail but its grating my every nerve. my sobriety isnt in danger, i know i am not going to drink. what do i say to her/them? btw, she is highly, overly, sensitive. and naturally i own a little responsibility here, i drank their whole childhood and wasn't there for her.

doggonecarl

Did anyone telling you that you had a problem change your drinking?

You can tell them of your concerns, but do you really expect them to listen and then say, "You're right, mom, we drink too much. We'll quit today."

I doubt that will happen.

I understand your concern. Maybe being a model sober mother at this stage of your life is the example they need. Not advice.

awuh1

I think you are in a better position to tell them where their drinking will likely take them than anyone on the planet (at least in relation to the likely inherent genetic/biological influences). That being said … the degree to which they heed what you say is their choice. What would you have listened to at that age?

The more experience you share with them, (particularly warning the signs of the progression of your own alcoholism) the more prepared they will be to recognize the problem should they have similar experiences. One day, they might even use the methods that helped you.

MrsKing

Many people told me that I drank too much and that they were concerned for me. I even had doctors tell me that. None of it really hit home and I continued drinking regardless. I don't think anyone could have told me anything that would have made me stop drinking. It was only when I realised what I had become and how much it was ruining my life that I was terrified enough to change. I know it's nice to think that people listen to us when we notice that their drinking habits are problematic and advise them that giving up drinking is the best thing for them... but nobody actually acts upon that advice unless something significantly changes in that person's mind. They have to want it - NEED it, almost - and only then will your advice make a difference. It's so difficult to watch people you love go down the same route as you, knowing what's out there... I really feel for you and I'm sorry that is the case... but I think your experience will only be happily accepted when they are at that point where it's needed in their mind.

MetalChick

My mother was the last person in I would have listened to about quitting drinking, because I was raised in an alcoholic home.

MetalChick

sorry I meant "the world."

Amy2011

I think you are in a tough situation and they won't quit until they are ready. Now, as their mother I think you should share your concerns with them and your story of where alcohol took you before you decided to get sober. I think by sharing your experiences it will give them something to think about at some point in the future. As parents it is our job to try to guide and protect our children. Good luck.

mfsteve1

The most I've ever told my daughter is that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree -- so be careful with the booze. That's about all I can do for her.

2granddaughters

Work your program well while they are there.

If they ask for your advice or help, you will know what to say.
If they don't ask then try not to bring up their drinking amounts, unless they get out of hand. It is your house.

All the best.

Bob R