Can't seem to kick it:(
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Happy Anniversary Videodrone. I hope you are having a beautiful time with your beautiful wife. I just wanted to say Congratulations on 2 weeks clean.
Your a Miracle.
Oh and Video, I know exactly what TOD is talking about. The relapse happens long before we take the pill. Addiction is sneaky. It will sneak up on you like a snake in the grass, and BAM, your addicted again, and more messed up than you were before. Our brain remembers the dose that we left off at. Even though our bodies are clean. So we quit using at 20 a day, and then we go back to 20 and overdose, cause our bodies are not used to it.
It's a disaster.
TOD is so right about that sneaky part of addiction.
Just don't put that drug in your body. PERIOD, THE END< CASE CLOSED.
Hang in there, you can do it, if I did.
Lobster tails and steak, yummy, I just love Surf and Turf. Enjoy!!!!!!
Your a Miracle.
Oh and Video, I know exactly what TOD is talking about. The relapse happens long before we take the pill. Addiction is sneaky. It will sneak up on you like a snake in the grass, and BAM, your addicted again, and more messed up than you were before. Our brain remembers the dose that we left off at. Even though our bodies are clean. So we quit using at 20 a day, and then we go back to 20 and overdose, cause our bodies are not used to it.
It's a disaster.
TOD is so right about that sneaky part of addiction.
Just don't put that drug in your body. PERIOD, THE END< CASE CLOSED.
Hang in there, you can do it, if I did.
Lobster tails and steak, yummy, I just love Surf and Turf. Enjoy!!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Alton, Illinois
Posts: 135
Good morning all. Had a great time last night. I have the knowledge of what happens to start a relapse very fresh in my head. I dont know how it was for you guys, but for me this time just "feels" different. I really do not think I could survive another detox. I am going to do everything in my power to stay clean. One day at a time. I"ve been in recovery for quite sometime and I have never felt this serious about it. What I was talking about in my post yesterday was reffering to the comment TOD made about being an addict is no fun. For me personally I can agree that being an addict in active addiction is no fun at all, but being an addict in recovery I have had more fun then I have ever had in my life. I have met the nicest people. Including you guys, and I have laughed harder than I"ve ever laughed before. All I am saying is for me being an addict in recovery is a very good place to be. Off to work I go. have a blessed day guys. Peace and love.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Alton, Illinois
Posts: 135
Thanks angelic. You know it's weird how for the past 2 weeks all I could cocentrate on was doing the next right thing and not using. The battle to successfully detox consumed my being. Don't get me wrong I haven't already forgot those feelings, but today it feels like I'm winning ya know? I feel like me. A little tired, but hey I've been working all day. The detox is horrible, but man the payoff is nice
peace and love.
peace and love.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
You are winning Video, but remember, Never let your guard down. It's a sneaky cunning disease, that attacks when you least expect it. But, just for today. AWESOME. Your on your way to doing really great things. Keep doing the next right thing.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
As the ole saying goes! NO PAIN, NO GAIN! We enjoyed our highs on the opiates, but we knew in the dark recesses of our minds there would come a day when we would have to go thru some pain also. That pain is probably what keeps most of us using for so much longer.
You are right about the: For me personally I can agree that being an addict in active addiction is no fun at all, but being an addict in recovery I have had more fun then I have ever had in my life. As active addicts, we have seen some fairly dark horrible nights and days. But as recovering addicts, we see more happiness and light. Going to bed at night w/o the worry of having to wake up and wonder where my next fix is coming from is a euphoric feeling. It is so peaceful. I find myself waking up and just stretching all over my king size bed because I feel so much more at peace. I'm not jumping up to run to the pill bottle to pop a couple of pills before the urge starts setting in. I don't kid you though, when I say the first two weeks were a trip from hell. I'd stay in the bed as long as I could stand it and then I'd lay on the floor rolled up in a comforter. When I couldn't stand that anymore, I'd get back up in the bed. This routine went on for two whole weeks. These are the memories I think about whenever I think about using a pill. On my 4th day off the meds. I wrote a #4 in the dust on the headboard of the bed. I kept doing this until I was able to write a #30 on it. Then I dusted the headboard. I wanted to move past this routine I was in and start a new one. It was something this minual that kept me on the right track. Those clean days in the dust was a reminder of where I was heading from.
I'm so glad for this site and the wonderful people I have met and keep meeting here. I don't go to meetings and come here when I need a lift.
TOD
You are right about the: For me personally I can agree that being an addict in active addiction is no fun at all, but being an addict in recovery I have had more fun then I have ever had in my life. As active addicts, we have seen some fairly dark horrible nights and days. But as recovering addicts, we see more happiness and light. Going to bed at night w/o the worry of having to wake up and wonder where my next fix is coming from is a euphoric feeling. It is so peaceful. I find myself waking up and just stretching all over my king size bed because I feel so much more at peace. I'm not jumping up to run to the pill bottle to pop a couple of pills before the urge starts setting in. I don't kid you though, when I say the first two weeks were a trip from hell. I'd stay in the bed as long as I could stand it and then I'd lay on the floor rolled up in a comforter. When I couldn't stand that anymore, I'd get back up in the bed. This routine went on for two whole weeks. These are the memories I think about whenever I think about using a pill. On my 4th day off the meds. I wrote a #4 in the dust on the headboard of the bed. I kept doing this until I was able to write a #30 on it. Then I dusted the headboard. I wanted to move past this routine I was in and start a new one. It was something this minual that kept me on the right track. Those clean days in the dust was a reminder of where I was heading from.
I'm so glad for this site and the wonderful people I have met and keep meeting here. I don't go to meetings and come here when I need a lift.
TOD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Alton, Illinois
Posts: 135
Good morning. Went to my new homegroup last night. Good meeting. I am dealing with alot of insecurities right now. Its always this way when I am clean. I feel not good enough. Anyway I am greatful that I woke up today clean. I hope you all have a beautiful day. I feel you TOD I was pretty miserable for awhile and no matter what I did I couldnt get comftorable. It is a nightmare that is fresh in my mind. The miracle is that all of us have managed to survive that nightmare, and that you guys were able to share your experience, strength, and hope with me when I did not think I could do it. That got me through. For that I am greatful. Peace and love
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Alton, Illinois
Posts: 135
I am going to start an intense workout routine tonight. Obviously I'm gonna ease into it. I know from experience I feel better when I am in shape I'm also toying with the idea of a caffeine detox. I've been successful with that before and slept so much better. Peace and love.
I'm also toying with the idea of a caffeine detox. I've been successful with that before and slept so much better. Peace and love.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
The caffeine detox sounds like an awesome idea. Caffeine is not good for withdrawal from opiates. It makes you anxious, and that's the last thing you need while getting off of drugs. Drink chammomile tea and relaxing stuff. I personally love my coffee too, but when I was coming off of opiates, I drank the tea. Or decaf. You can still have your coffee, and it tastes the same, just without the caffeine. Go slow Video. Too much all at once isn't good either. One step at a time. OK????
I'm happy that you have come this far. It takes a very long time before your out of the woods, so be careful. I'm on your side. And I would love to see you succeed.
I'm happy that you have come this far. It takes a very long time before your out of the woods, so be careful. I'm on your side. And I would love to see you succeed.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Hi Video:
I know you are ready to move on past this relapse with the opiates. But you don't even have 30 days under your belt yet. Your mind is working on overtime, but your body needs time to catch up. Go ahead and start your workout. Just start slow and easy as you've already stated. We all love our clean open minds. Our bodies are rebelling though. Don't cause yourself insult to injury or vice a versa.
My sister loves her Folgers decaf coffee. I drink one real cup of coffee in the mornings. But I do love my coca cola's.
Even though you've been thru this process several times already. It's always like starting over with each detox session. Hold your family close as well as your support group. I don't want to see you set yourself up for a relapse due to over doing it.
REMEMBER! BABY STEPS MY DEAR, BABY STEPS.
TOD
I know you are ready to move on past this relapse with the opiates. But you don't even have 30 days under your belt yet. Your mind is working on overtime, but your body needs time to catch up. Go ahead and start your workout. Just start slow and easy as you've already stated. We all love our clean open minds. Our bodies are rebelling though. Don't cause yourself insult to injury or vice a versa.
My sister loves her Folgers decaf coffee. I drink one real cup of coffee in the mornings. But I do love my coca cola's.
Even though you've been thru this process several times already. It's always like starting over with each detox session. Hold your family close as well as your support group. I don't want to see you set yourself up for a relapse due to over doing it.
REMEMBER! BABY STEPS MY DEAR, BABY STEPS.
TOD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Alton, Illinois
Posts: 135
Thanks angelic and TOD. When I got home from work last night I sat down and meditated on the whole situation. You guys are both very right. My job is very physically demanding of itself. Thats more than enough workout with less than 30 days clean. As for the caffeine, its a pretty tough detox with a horrible headache. I dont think Im ready to go there yet. Baby steps is a very good idea. Ive decided to just relax and enjoy being clean and get through that first thirty days. then Ill see how I feel. Thanks for the suggestions guys. I am feeling pretty good today. I fall asleep within 15-20 minutes of laying down!!!! I sure do wake up early though. Im gonna be 33 on July 2nd. Maybe my body is just that way. I hope you all have a blessed day. Off to work I go. Peace and love.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Mc Donough, GA
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by Videodrone32 
Thanks angelic and TOD. When I got home from work last night I sat down and meditated on the whole situation. You guys are both very right. My job is very physically demanding of itself. Thats more than enough workout with less than 30 days clean. As for the caffeine, its a pretty tough detox with a horrible headache. I dont think Im ready to go there yet. Baby steps is a very good idea. Ive decided to just relax and enjoy being clean and get through that first thirty days. then Ill see how I feel. Thanks for the suggestions guys. I am feeling pretty good today. I fall asleep within 15-20 minutes of laying down!!!! I sure do wake up early though. Im gonna be 33 on July 2nd. Maybe my body is just that way. I hope you all have a blessed day. Off to work I go. Peace and love.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Alton, Illinois
Posts: 135
Thanks snowman. I've quit caffeine a couple different times. Not easy. I'm gonna wait on that one I think. Has anyone ever suffered from a severe case of dejavu after being clean a little while? I keep having these almost "scary" feelings of dejavu. It's very weird.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Could you please define: I keep having these almost "scary" feelings of dejavu. It's very weird.
My mom tried going off caffeine coffee. She ended up with horrible headaches. Try using half caffeine and half decaf mixed together in your coffee. They even sell coffee grounds like that for brewing at home.
When we started our opiate journey. Then we got off of them. It was an up and down up and down adventure. It's like those wavy slides at the fair. The ones where you get on a blanket and slide down. When we first started taking the opiates it really felt good. But as our addiction progressed, it became an obssession in us to continue finding that feel good feeling. More like a job that never gives us time off. So when we get off the opiates. Just reverse the slide. Because it's going to be harder going the other way. It takes us longer to get back on our feet. But it took us no time to get addicted to the opiates. That's what I'm trying to say here.
So focus on those baby steps. The time your body has to heal will sneak up on ya. You'll be feeling better in no time. You'll just naturally start doing more and won't even be aware of it until it reaches up and smacks you in the face. Saying hey! Look at what you are accomplishing off the opiates? You are already into your 2nd week and rolling into your third real soon. Your Angels are sitting on your shoulders and aren't going to let you down.
God loves us all, (Whether you believe in him or not. Some do, some don't.) and has sent Angels down to watch over each and every one of us! We are never alone. Even when we might feel like we are.
Keep on keeping on. You are doing great and have the desire to stay clean. That's all it takes my friend.
TOD
My mom tried going off caffeine coffee. She ended up with horrible headaches. Try using half caffeine and half decaf mixed together in your coffee. They even sell coffee grounds like that for brewing at home.
When we started our opiate journey. Then we got off of them. It was an up and down up and down adventure. It's like those wavy slides at the fair. The ones where you get on a blanket and slide down. When we first started taking the opiates it really felt good. But as our addiction progressed, it became an obssession in us to continue finding that feel good feeling. More like a job that never gives us time off. So when we get off the opiates. Just reverse the slide. Because it's going to be harder going the other way. It takes us longer to get back on our feet. But it took us no time to get addicted to the opiates. That's what I'm trying to say here.
So focus on those baby steps. The time your body has to heal will sneak up on ya. You'll be feeling better in no time. You'll just naturally start doing more and won't even be aware of it until it reaches up and smacks you in the face. Saying hey! Look at what you are accomplishing off the opiates? You are already into your 2nd week and rolling into your third real soon. Your Angels are sitting on your shoulders and aren't going to let you down.
God loves us all, (Whether you believe in him or not. Some do, some don't.) and has sent Angels down to watch over each and every one of us! We are never alone. Even when we might feel like we are.
Keep on keeping on. You are doing great and have the desire to stay clean. That's all it takes my friend.
TOD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Alton, Illinois
Posts: 135
The dejavu feelings are like "I have lived this exact same moment before." what makes them scary is how real it feels. I can not stress how uncomftorabley real it seems to me. Other than that I am doing great. I'm on the last day of a very productive work week. Sleeping ok. Weird dreams. Really the only major complaint I have is around bed time I get real antsy. I think it's kinda a PTSD thing with the whole not sleeping thing. Hell I had to think about how many days it's been today one day at a time I am getting better. Peace and love.
one day at a time I am getting better. Peace and love.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Yep! I've been there on that deja vu thingy! I had one of those moments the other day in Lowes. There I was! Walking past the appliance section and one of the employees was talking to a customer. I stopped dead in my tracks. Looked at my husband and said; "I've been here before. Same conversation, same people, same place". I guess this deja vu thing is something we'll never understand.
I've also had the dreams of being in the feel good status of having the opiates in my system. Those are some VERY vivid dreams. What a relief to wake up and know it was just a dream.
Why don't you try some of Angelic's Tea suggestion for helping you calm down before be time? It might be just the ticket you need to get past this anxiousness before bed time.
TOD
I've also had the dreams of being in the feel good status of having the opiates in my system. Those are some VERY vivid dreams. What a relief to wake up and know it was just a dream.
Why don't you try some of Angelic's Tea suggestion for helping you calm down before be time? It might be just the ticket you need to get past this anxiousness before bed time.
TOD
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
