Hope

I was watching TV last night and I saw a girl on there doing lines....OMG, that triggered my 'thoughts'. Seeing her doing those lines made me want to do lines......but I'm not. It just sucks because I wasn't even thinking about it and now it caused the devil to start whispering those lies.

This too shall pass. I will emerge stronger and more confident in my ability to stay clean.

Hope

I have been trying to stay busy today in order not to find myself in a state of boredom. I think having too much time on anyone's hands can be a big trigger so I am trying to be careful of that. I have had an ok day today. I feel really tired now so I may go to take a nap. My energy feels zapped...I am trying to be gentle and patient with myself. I went running this morning for 34 minutes and I ended up doing some biking too with my sister. I also went out today and played with the dogs...we had a great time!

Hope

Withdrawals are terrible!! I am having horrible muscle aches and I'm tired but can't sleep. Things would be better if I could get to sleep. Today will be the worst day and if I get through, tomorrow will be a little bit easier. I'm glad that I chose to come back into recovery. Addiction had me tight in the claws but I broke free. I knew I had the strength in me somewhere and I started digging and digging and I found the courage and strength in my heart and I was able to rise above the evil addiction and soar on wings of an eagle. Sobriety is a one day at a time thing. Good thing that we have today.

Hope

SR has been my strength today and my source of uplifting encouragement. Earlier today I didn't think that I was ready to step my foot back into recovery but after everyone here reached out to me, I knew the right path to follow. It wasn't easy for me to come back on here and humble my heart with honesty of what happened but I really needed to open up and get my feelings out. I am so glad that I had wonderful people to listen and show me the light since my light had burned out. I also know that I can lean on my wonderful friends until I can stand again on my own. The road isn't going to be easy but every life experience makes us stronger.

Hope

Where oh where is my sleep? When will it come to me? I'm waiting and waiting and then I'll probably be waiting some more. Sleep will be like my knight in shining armor now.

Hope

To anyone who reads this- don't pick up a drink or a drug because the withdrawals aren't fun!!! Also, don't ever forget that famous morning after........ aarrgh.....obviously, that is not where you want to be.

Hope

I am about to totally lose it!!!! I can't sleep, my anxiety is really bad, and when I lay down to try to sleep my mind is racing like crazy. I'm really about to lose my mind. Really, this is probably the last bit of sanity I have... sigh.. the lack of sleep is making me kinda cranky.. but everytime I try to sleep, I can't!!!!

Nina Kay

Hi Hope,
What time is it there? It is 9:27 pm here. I've forgotten where you live, but it must be later there. How long have you gone without sleep and how long has it been since you last used or drank? I'm just interested in getting a clear picture of what's going on with you there. ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

Hope

It was about 11 pm eastern time when I got to sleep. I was so grateful. It was probably the withdrawals that gave me such a fit. The racing thoughts weren't too pleasant and even when I got to sleep, I had such horrible, vivid dreams. Yuck!! I have no idea where that dream came from but it was just weird. At least I finally got my sleep though. I am feeling pretty rough today but I consider this to be my day 1 because I will have the full day without putting any poison in my body. I am eating too much but I guess I just need to regain my strength because I wasn't eating or taking care of myself when I was using.

Today is a new day and no matter what has happened, I still have today. There is nothing that a drink or drug won't make worse.

It is hard when the next day rolls around met with dreary clouded eyes and having to face that purple sky with the birds chirping. Sitting in a pile of tissues and a big mess that tells the story of the night before and then there is that moment of realization that no matter what kind of bright idea I thought I had before I used, it certainly appeared to be an insane thought now. Yes, insanity. Insanity is the perfect word to describe it. I guess at one time I was probably thinking my behavior was normal. What??? Well, probably only normal to me being an addict. I can only imagine what other people thought.

Recovery is the best option. That is what I am choosing today. Just for today, I will not put any poison in my body.

tantricblaze

Hi Hope4Life,

I've been reading your journey, and just wanted to toss something in here.

I have quit one-day-at-a-time before because the prospect of saying, "forever" seemed too daunting.

But what happened was that I was obsessed constantly with thoughts of using/drinking. For me, clinging to each day was really hard.

It wasn't until I sat down and really thought about it, and made the hard decision to quit forever that I regained my sanity. I arbitrarily set my confidence level at 100% and never looked back. I used a mental technique called Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. Anyone can learn it, and it can even be fun.

That was over five years ago, and I can honestly say that my recovery has been a breeze. I am firmly and permanently a non-drinker, and my life has improved tremendously.

I wish good things for you.

--Scott

Hope

Thank you so much for sharing that Scott! I'm glad that you posted!

Hope

Today is better and today I know that nothing can ever be as bad as putting drugs in my body... EVERYTHING is better than that.

Heh, the drugs stopping working for me a LONG time ago but it took me a lot longer than that to be able to admit that. I spent too much time running and chasing after some feeling that I never could get again.

And I sure used to believe I was getting a lot of stuff accomplished....and the whole time I was getting NOTHING done. Hmmmm...drugs sure can tell some lies can't they??

I'm not listening to those lies. I used to think I needed drugs to make me somebody but the person drugs turned me into the the exact same person that I can't stand. Forget that mess, I'm getting the real ME back and I am not going to let coke drag me back down into the pit of lies and despair.

Rusty Zipper

hope, remember those "High Hopes!!!"... and i dont mean buzzed high......you can do it.............. ohoh, self detox, ppfftt......... a bummer to say the least......

Hope

Oh yeah, self detox is so hard. Hanging in there though and only looking ahead. It gets better each day. Ever though I know that in my mind, sometimes it is good to hear other people say that.

Hope

I had more weird dreams last night. I think it is probably because of what I did to my brain. I don't underestimate the power of the chemicals that invaded it. I know that I must heal-- physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I need to dig deep within me and find the strength and courage to keep fighting and overcome all of my setbacks. I have to find myself who has somehow gotten so lost. I've been lost for too long but that is all changing now. My life is worth saving and fighting for and there isn't one single thing on this earth that is worth destroying my life for. I am staying sober for me and not for anyone else. I choose to live. I used to think I had to do it for other people but that wasn't how it should have been. This is my life and whatever I have to do to give myself a chance, I will do it. I know the path home and I am coming home just one step and one day at a time. Don't ever give up on me because I am not going to let my life be taken away from me anymore. Not today.

Hope

I thought that I would be feeling better today since this is day 3 but that is just not the case. I feel so weak and sick and I really don't think this will ever end. I wonder if I will ever see the light of day again? I don't plan on giving this up but I would like to see signs of improvement. I guess I can't really expect too much out of a day 3 but it is better than a day one. I am just grateful for today. Won't be drinking/drugging today.

Hope

I have more than a problem with drugs and alcohol...I have a living problem. I have learned that addiction is progressive and definitely fatal if not treated. As soon as I am able to physically get up out of this house, I am back to AA. Until then, I have my phone numbers and all of my recovery literature stacked up right next to me.

Exactly what do I know about staying sober? Nothing. So, I have to turn to other people who have gotten sober before me and listen to their suggestions. That is how is done. I have to believe that the miracle that happened for other people can, and will, happen for me. All that is required is my honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, and FOOTWORK. It will never just come to me-- I have to do the footwork to get my recovery.

Rusty Zipper

HH........drugs are 10% useing, and 90% thinking, well in a way... you stil have a chance... get your (_|_) out of the house and do something about it... i repeat, YOU CAN DO IT............. now move i say's..............the horizontal possitions is no good, too much room for think'n!!! ... and no watch'n Oprah and eat'n Bon-Bons......... agw & tol, Patee

Nina Kay

Hope,
The third day is ALWAYS the worst !!!!! I'm glad that you've decided to go back to AA and you're reading the recovery literature until you can. I like what you said about listening to what those who have recovered have said and deciding to walk their recovery path. YOU CAN DO THIS !!!!!!!!!! (((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Hope

So grateful to have another sober day! Thanks for believing in me!! That means a lot!