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Journey of Hope

Old 04-23-2006, 03:11 PM
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I'm walking through some powerful emotions today triggered by old memories. I am having so much trouble forgiving myself. It is easier for me to forgive other people than to forgive myself. I know that once I work through these things that weigh heavily on me, I can move on. The key is in the journey taking baby steps.

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Old 04-23-2006, 03:14 PM
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**********{Hope4Life}}}}}}}

Big Hugs coming your way!!
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Old 04-24-2006, 08:18 AM
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So grateful to be clean/sober today. Life is good, isn't perfect, but good. Today, I can accept life for its good points as well as the difficulties. I can embrace moments that I can grow.

I am still working through that dreaded mental fog. I still have so much trouble concentrating and it can be such a challenge at times. I know that the fog will go away as long as I stay sober. I am doing the deal and I'm not backing off.

:wink2:
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Old 04-24-2006, 11:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Hope4life
[ I am doing the deal and I'm not backing off.
Thanks Cheryl, thats a good thought for me,
heres to staying sober today,
I am NOT BACKING OFF EITHER!!!
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Old 04-24-2006, 11:18 PM
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Big hugs all around!!

Yep, just for today we can stay sober!
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Old 04-24-2006, 11:41 PM
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LOL, ok, mood swings were really bad yesterday but I am working on that. I also acknowledge that I am lacking in confidence and I have to build that, too. I want to be ok with myself no matter what and no matter what criticism or other people's judgements say. I just want that acceptance that this is who I am and I am proud to be me. I am still trying to learn to love the reflection in the mirror which is so difficult at times. Many times, I feel so disgusted with myself.

When I get like that, I try to get out of my own head and start thinking, "how can I help someone else." They say, that going inside of our own head is dangerous territory. I really believe that! It is easy to get bogged down in there!
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Old 04-25-2006, 12:23 PM
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I'm struggling with my energy levels. I don't have the energy to do anything at all. I just feel like going to take a nap now. I don't even feel like going to my meeting tonight...or anywhere else. I don't feel like doing anything except for sleeping.
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Old 04-27-2006, 05:55 PM
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Three more hours until I get through this day clean and sober. I am very grateful for where I am heading. I have started to look into my life to find what I am grateful for. It really helps my thinking.

I have to stick with sobriety. If I go back out, I probably won't make it back. So that only leaves the option of just sticking it out. I'm in it for the long haul. I got really sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know that I am powerless over alcohol and drugs. I just KNOW!! No questions about it. It is what it is and I can accept that today. My reservations are gone. I am not willing to hold onto anything that will threaten my sobriety. That is my priority! It really is life or death and today, I choose life.
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Old 04-27-2006, 07:58 PM
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I found some old vicodin that was hidden in here and I immediately jumped up and flushed them down the toilet. I didn't even stop to think about it because I knew that the addict voice would start going off, so I just flushed first and thought about it later. I knew that once they were in the toilet, it would be too late so action was important. I didn't even have the urge to take them. Just let them go without second thoughts.

I'll have a sober head hitting my pillow tonight.
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Old 04-27-2006, 09:30 PM
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I started taking an anti-depressant 3 days ago. This is going to be for a short while to help my brain chemistry balance back out. My brain chemistry is so out of whack right now due to lots of abuse, but right now I am healing. I estimate probably about a year or so, maybe less, maybe a little more. As long as I don't use, I'll get better. I have 15 days right now.
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Old 04-28-2006, 02:59 AM
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hope... how ya taday??? been watch'n your posts.... 15 days, wow!!! more " Hope "for hope.... can relate... way early recovery was brutal... the "Rat" "addiction"... was mess'n w/my head/body bad... it wanted me back... the i'm a pile'o chitz... look what you have done to yourself, to others, your loved ones...the Rat wouldn't shut up....... meets / reaching out help'd lots.......doing things, takeing care of my beat up body.... i took lots of vitamins, excercized... oh, bruth'a, was that a number feel'n like crap... but i knew i had to start change'n... started to Eat... 5-6 sometimes li'l bits a day... no fats, junk... as time moved on,all of these things were slowly starting to make the Rat go away..... when i seriously started recovery, and the Rat knew it... the f'k'r moved on to go bother someone else... ohoh, dont let me misslead you... the Rat might be gone for today...but The Band of Gypsys are hang'n around ** head messer's}... the rat used to live in their caravan.... i've fumigated the caravan for now... i start being sloppy, make'n a mess of things again... the Rat will come back.... hope, one more thing... please be carefull w/anti's........the Rat loves um.... and before anyone beats me up... i'm just saying be careful, simple as that... i have seen the results first hand ... death! ...........hope, YOU CAN DO IT........ all good wishes, and of course, teach only love................... Pattee
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Old 04-28-2006, 11:06 AM
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(((Pattee))) Thank you so much for writing and for your message! I am really glad that you posted. Your message really helped me.

I am doing ok today. I feel so weird being on the anti's...extrememly weird. I don't know if I can stick to them. The only thing that it really has helped me with is getting up in the morning. Sometimes, I have a really hard time getting myself out of the bed. I have really beat my body up with my addiction. I'm trying to exercise and eat healthier. I'm trying to get more sleep. I wonder how I will feel in a few months of sobriety? I think one day at a time...I hang in there... no more feeding the rat. When ya feed a monster it grows, so I am feeding my recovery. I'm not using today. Sobriety is what I want.
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Old 04-28-2006, 04:08 PM
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Wow, I came on and I see many of my wonderful friends are celebrating sober time and it is so inspiring! It helps give me that boost to keep moving forward. I think it is so great.

I am currently between meetings. I just went to a meeting earlier and I'm getting ready for the next meeting to start. I am really gaining so much strength from those rooms. I am trying to do 90 in 90. I love being among people who understand what I am going through. It is very empowering. I am grateful for those rooms and I am very grateful for the people who kept cheering me on to give those rooms a chance.
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Old 04-28-2006, 08:11 PM
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Grateful for a great sober day. I'm glad that I won't be waking up with a hangover tomorrow!! I'm glad that I went to 2 meetings earlier because it would come in handy to equip me for a situation that would later arise.

I am trying to learn to be human again. I got so sick of being dysfunctional. Life has its ups and downs but we are learning to survive all things and stay sober through it all.

What an awesome journey!
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Old 04-28-2006, 08:24 PM
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hope, glad to see ya keeping the Rat Trap handy... reach'n out, meets... doing things to get bet'a... hey , just rememba'd a older than dirt tune... its called " Hi Hopes "... sumti'n bout apple pie in the sky hopes i keep check'n in on ya Hi Hopes, your help'n me also... all good wishes, Hi Hopes, and of course, teach only love....... Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! ... Pattee
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Old 04-29-2006, 03:02 PM
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I am having a really tough day. My grandma is in ICU and I am so scared!!!

My heart is aching!! I am so torn up inside.
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Old 04-29-2006, 10:17 PM
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High Hopes

I remember that Frank Sinatra song, "High Hopes!"

Frank Sinatra
"High Hopes" Lyrics

Next time you're found, with your chin on the ground
There a lot to be learned, so look around

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can't
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time you're gettin' low
'stead of lettin' go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant

When troubles call, and your back's to the wall
There a lot to be learned, that wall could fall

Once there was a silly old ram
Thought he'd punch a hole in a dam
No one could make that ram, scram
He kept buttin' that dam

'Cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes
He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time you're feelin' bad
'stead of feelin' sad
Just remember that ram
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam

All problems just a toy balloon
They'll be bursted soon
They're just bound to go pop
Oops there goes another problem kerplop
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Old 04-30-2006, 08:09 AM
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I'm here and everything is ok today. Not great, just ok. Hanging in here though.
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Old 04-30-2006, 09:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Hope4life
Hanging in here though.
Hanging in is good, and I wish you a great 24
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Old 04-30-2006, 02:55 PM
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hi HiHopes4life.......glad things are ok.....HH4l... ok, is way better than lousy...and HH4L... thanks for the Sinatra tune... one of my gum'bad'a's... you will be ok, no need to be scared... thers nothing in the dark, thats not there when the lights come on....... Faith!!!........agw, & tol, Pattee
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