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Desperately Need Some Accountability

Old 11-27-2022, 08:59 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Welcome aboard , congratulations on your decision.

" this is Day One. I'm committing to give an honest account of my attempt to remain sober."

Honesty in all things is the best course( with the proviso of referencing mother in law and cooking). But self honesty , the internal no bs voice/thinking is the most important. And the form that 'conversation' takes place is in your own words/vocabulary.

An attempt to remain sober implies a state of non-soberness presumably brought on by some circumstance one finds one's self in with an assumed level of inevitability. This framing is coming from the addiction( the AV, great discussions on AVRT here on SR in the secular recovery forums).

I tried in vain to remain sober, countless times. When I resolved to never put alcohol in my mouth again , no matter what, the remaining sober approach fell to the wayside , was no longer a concern. It may seem like just a semantic trick , and even if it is, quitting for me was dependent on operating from this mindset.

The AV 'sounds' just like me , it is a part of me, but to override Its command of My vocabulary , I had to consciously scan the 'conversation' and purposely identify what concepts I was using( and thinking with) for what they actually denote and the connotations that could lead me from the objective of quitting.

Remaining sober is the default human condition , in the AV's framing your default condition is drinking, in Its framing sobriety is a result of the 'action' of not drinking, do you see what It is doing there ?
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Old 11-27-2022, 11:45 AM
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Hello, LifeOfBrian - I somehow missed this yesterday.

We're so glad to have you join us. SR helped me stop drinking after 30 yrs. I think it was the fact that I no longer felt alone. Everyone understood what I was going through. I found the courage to change my life by reading & posting here. The encouragement made all the difference.

Congrats on Day 2 today. Be proud of yourself for taking this huge step towards a new life.
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Old 11-27-2022, 02:57 PM
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Day 2 Done

Just hitting the hay. Day 2 done. Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I really need this. B
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Old 11-27-2022, 03:43 PM
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Congratulations on your two days - those first few are rough, but you're doing it.
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Old 11-27-2022, 05:35 PM
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Congrats on getting thru day two.
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Old 11-27-2022, 11:05 PM
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Congrats on 2 days Brian! For an alcoholic like me, the only way out is through. Getting through the cravings, through the discomfort. You'll be grateful you did. The other option is to give in to alcohol and keep reliving the nightmare of the monster who is out to destroy everything important to me. Glad you got this under control before shat really hit the fan.

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Old 11-28-2022, 02:44 AM
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Accountability was in my top 3 reasons for going to AA meetings every night. I felt it would be helpful to have a place I could go every day to report that I was OK. I'm not sure how important that really was. It just seemed important at the time. But what I'm thinking now is that accountability to others is not as important as accountability to myself. I'm the one who really counts. Whether others approve or disapprove or even care is not the critical issue in recovery. We do this for ourselves.

Having said that, others can play an important part in our recovery. We get useful information from others, tips on how to deal with sticky situations, and occasionally we are shown new things we should have learned but somehow missed along the way. We can learn from others, especially those like us who have had to find a path to sobriety also.
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Old 11-28-2022, 02:57 AM
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Driguy. I agree being accountable to self is very important to attaining sobriety. When I got sober for 1993-2003 my thoughts daily, especially early on, were that nothing was more important than my sobriety. When that ceased to be the priority I was destined to start drinking again and did until 10/2/22 this year. I am getting that mindset again that nothing is more important than my sobriety. That mindset makes me accountable and focused on being and doing the best I can daily. I will admit it is a struggle and I know there are going to be many situations that arise in the coming weeks that will test this as alcohol was always associated with me in all interactions with others. Especially at the holidays. I know I can do it from experience but the AV is a strong adversary. I will and need to prevail against that part of myself that is/was committing suicide slowly by drinking.
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Old 11-28-2022, 10:32 AM
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Originally Posted by RunnerF View Post
I know I can do it from experience but the AV is a strong adversary. I will and need to prevail against that part of myself that is/was committing suicide slowly by drinking.
Yes my AV was the thing that scared me the most. Rather than strong, I think of it as crafty, insidious, psychopathic, and totally uninterested in my physical and mental well being. It's very good at crafting logical fallacies that that sound momentarily credible, but lead back to the nightmare of drinking. Getting through the first week of obsessive craving was a hellish struggle, but the AV mind games that followed were not like that. Sometimes the AV seemed downright friendly, as it encouraged be to think I had done so well that I deserved a drink as a reward. It almost got me once, but I was aware that I could never drink again and expect things to be different. You can't stop being vigilant toward the AV and being ready to walk away from it. Don't argue with it. Learn to walk away. Arguing with it would be as pointless as having a debate about black holes with Stephen Hawking. It would be waste of time. Just vow to never drink another drop, and stick to your guns. Eventually, I became naturally vigilant, where instead of being aware of my AV all the time, vigilance just worked in the background, but is there when I need it.
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Old 11-28-2022, 02:52 PM
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Thanks @dwtbd ! "Remaining sober is the default human condition , in the AV's framing your default condition is drinking, in Its framing sobriety is a result of the 'action' of not drinking, do you see what It is doing there ?"

Such a beautiful and profound way of describing the messed up, self-destructive mindset. Sobriety is the Default Setting!

Such a helpful way of approaching it. B
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Old 11-28-2022, 02:59 PM
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Day 3 Done

Made it through Day 3. Tougher day, today. Many more thoughts. Feeling tense - but made it through all the same. 'Taking the edge off' was a big recurring excuse to drink. I know it's only creating more stress and that I will feel calmer, more energised and positive, as each day of sobriety passes.

Thank you all for you kind and inspiring words! It means so much. B
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Old 11-28-2022, 06:50 PM
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Great job on Day 3! Sometimes the first few days are the easiest; when we’re still feeling ill and anxious from our last drink and have that physical reminder of why we quit. Have you given thought to a sobriety plan? Some alternate activities to “take the edge off”?
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Old 11-28-2022, 06:56 PM
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congrats on day 3

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Old 11-29-2022, 06:04 AM
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Day 3 was where I usually gave up. When I made it through that, I had a miserable day 5. It was miserable because I didn't give in, but that was the last of my worst days. It was also the day I decided to quit messing around and never take another drink. That commitment was a big corner turner for me.

The worst of this will be over soon. Just don't drink.
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Old 11-29-2022, 07:17 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Keep truckin and defaulting
Putting the bottle down is a huge leap and congratulations on that decision , not picking it back up is a mindgame and You get to make the rules, you got this
Rootin for ya !
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Old 11-29-2022, 02:38 PM
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Originally Posted by KeepingUp View Post
Great job on Day 3! Sometimes the first few days are the easiest; when we’re still feeling ill and anxious from our last drink and have that physical reminder of why we quit. Have you given thought to a sobriety plan? Some alternate activities to “take the edge off”?
Yes, I've been getting more physical exercise; some short meditations; linking back in with friends (whom I've been isolating from, while drinking); journaling.
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Old 11-29-2022, 02:41 PM
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Day 4 Done

Made it through Day 4. Even managed to go through the supermarket without having an urge to buy alcohol - which is very unusual. I'll take it, though! Getting some really good quality sleep, the last couple of nights. Really helps to improve my mood and energy levels.

Thanks, again, for the support and kind words. B
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Old 11-29-2022, 03:02 PM
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Well done on day 4 LOB, your doing great 👍
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Old 11-29-2022, 04:01 PM
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day 4 is great LOB

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Old 11-30-2022, 03:27 PM
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Day 5 Done

Day 5 done. Feeling pretty good (touch wood).

Thanks, again, for the kind words. B
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