Prop

So I ended up resigning in disgrace. In fact I think I have irreparably damaged my career and will have to do something else. Yes I kept on drinking and the self destruction continued. I absolutely trashed my reputation. Don't really know what the point of this post is. I could see my career swirling the drain and I didn't care.

VikingGF

(((Prop!)))

I know it seems bad, but you can turn things around. Give yourself a real chance and get some support, now. Please keep posting and don’t give in- you can get better.

Prop

I can try I guess. I have to move back in with my parents at least they are there for me. I realise now that I have to try and put what happened behind me and focus on getting well. Or try too. I really do not know what I am going to do. I can see how much I have disappointed my dad. I had a really successful high paying career and I have ruined it. I think part of the reason I was drinking so much was the stress related to my job.

Guess i dont have to worry about that anymore......I guess wallowing in self pity isn't going to help.

Anna

I'm sorry this happened, Prop. It's good that your parents are supportive and I think it's good that you see your career was causing a lot of stress in your life. Take some time to get sober and to try to figure out what you can do next. I know it's trite, but everything happens for a reason.

Steely

How are you doing prop? I hope back on the sober trail, where no shame exists, only memories of shame which fade with time.

Was thinking if it were me that moved back in with parents it would give me a free free ticket to continue drinking as there would be no real consequences. There will be prop. In a different form, but still massive for both you and your parents.

Wanted you to know I've been where you were with your job. Many of us have. It gets better prop. but only with sobriety, but not without. Thing is, I love it now, and so will you.

Join us on the sober trail.

Beachchic

Hey Prop!
Thanks for sharing. I know that pain. I had to move back in to my folks recently, but started going back to AA after an almost 5 year hiatus. I had given up on the program but found I wasn't doing the spiritual work that goes with the program. This time I am (everyone has their beliefs I know). I hope you can find the right path to your happiness. I was lucky to run into my sponsor at a meeting a week and a half ago. She offered for me to move in with her and I am here now. I hadn't seen her in years. I was shocked that she would be so kind. My family is a mess.
I love the meetings and they have them online as well. I prefer in person, but the first couple are difficult as you are vulnerable I am sure. But I know AA has always helped me and they are so nice (human of course so not perfect) but everyone has been through the ringer in the program so they get it.
I am happy to be back. 20 days sober today and looking forward to a better future where I am not disappointing people any longer because of my drinking.

Dee74

welcome back Beachchic

Dee74

I'm sorry I missed this thread Prop.
I was in the music industry so it may not be super relevant, but I trashed my reputation pretty good - showing up or getting drunk...hangover that impacted my playing...I never missed a gig without notice but I cried off a few at, if not the 11th hour, maybe the 10th....

It took me a fair amount of time to get my previously good reputation back - but I did - and I believe you can do, in whatever you decide you want to do from here

All that was then...this is now. Its never too late for a Chapter 2, man

D

Prop

Hi all thanks for your comments. I am going to go back to AA tomorrow. I got a payout from my employer and have been on a monster bender. Which obviously has not helped. I am still living in my apartment but I will be back at my folks in a week because I can't pay the rent.

I don't want to go into the meltdown I had at work but at the moment I am essentially blacklisted from the industry because my references have disowned me. It ain't good. I don't really know what I am going to do career wise. I need to get sober and sort my bipolar out. I went of my meds a while ago.

Part of the reason I have been drinking is self medication. Got in to see a psychiatrist so that is something. I currently feel like the biggest loser in the world.

Steely

I'm sorry Prop.

It happens.

Don't worry about career and reputation, focus all of your energies on remaining sober. It's never going to work out if you continue to drink. Get the bipolar in order. See your doctor.

You are fortunate to have parents who can house you, some people don't.

All you've got to do is to not pick up. All else will fall into place.

I hope you've stopped.

SoberLeigh

I am so sorry to read that you are still struggling, Prop. It sounds as though things have really taken a turn for the worse in your life. Jumping into sobriety and recovery with both feet would likely be a good thing. AA could be a great resource; one of their sayings “it works if you work it” would be something to keep in mind; just like achieving anything truly worthwhile in life, commitment and willingness to put forth the effort are key - commitment to sobriety, commitment to recovery and commitment to AA’s program.

Good to hear that you have enlisted the help of your doctor.

A better way of life awaits, Prop. Lean on us; we are here to help.

Prop

Thanks all. I am not thinking clearly I know that. I spent a good part of the last couple of weeks drinking until I passed out. Regaining consciousness and repeating. I even blew off family Christmas. The bipolar. The drinking not a good combo. I haven't had a drink tonight and aa tomorrow.

I cannot believe the damage I have done to myself and to my important relationships. I would send really abusive txt messages to a guy who was a close friend and mentor when I was drunk. Not sure where the resentment was coming from. He blocked my number. I ended up going to see him and apologised. We have spoken. A few times and caught up in person but I think I have irreparably damaged our relationship.

He won't give me a professional reference any more. Can't blame him really. What was I thinking?

biminiblue

I'm sorry things spiralled Prop. I have plenty of past bad behavior while under the influence. I'm sure a lot of us do. The good thing is that when I'm sober I don't make big messes in my life.

This isn't the end. There are plenty of career paths. Heck, not every job has to be some big career thing, either. Nothing wrong with a blue collar honest daily wage.

In AA they say, "Do the next right thing." I get a lot of courage and encouragement from that sentiment. Just take this one day and one task at a time. . .and don't pick up another drink. That's the only way out for us. Never again. I figure every day I don't drink is a successful day.

zenithboy88

Hi Prop,
. I know that to say that you're going through a rough patch or a setback would be an understatement .
But at the same time, breaking it down to it's simplest sure path to fix the whole thing, is to throw everything you've got into never drinking again.
Whether it's daily AA meetings, a detox facility and tons more ideas from SR.
You can do this and there is nowhere to go but up.
if you could look at a Pareto chart of what are MY personal problems, the first bar on the chart would be for drinking and it would stand like a skyscraper.
Getting rid of that ugly flawed bar on the graph can make so many other things better.
One of the positive things about your thread, is that you didn't post it and run.
You keep hanging in and responding.
There is nowhere to go but up Prop,
I've seen it done, you can do it!
Also work with your doc on the bipolar issue.
You have my best regards

Prop

This is true. I spent many years operating forklifts of various capacity and dogging cranes. Although I have managed to get back into my field at a significantly reduced salary and with a much smaller business. Onward and upwards?

Purplrks3647

Hi Prop, just saw your thread…..I can relate to the stressful job….I was already a heavy drinker, but it escalated because of where I was working and I needed to get out….hope things are getting better for you.

Prop

Thanks. I realise now that I had to get out and the worst thing I could do was try and get an equivalent job to the one that I just had (more money = much more stress). While I took a pay cut and effectively went backwards career wise. It will be a lot less stress and now I can focus on my issues (fixing me . Starting with the drinking/bipolar.

Turns out it wasn't as bad as I thought. It's still not good and I will be out in the wilderness for a while career wise. Which will give me some much needed time to sort my stuff out. Thanks for the support guys. You are legendary.

Good luck with the year ahead.

biminiblue

Yeah, today's work culture is really difficult if you're working on computers and relying on electronic communication like emails and collaborative projects. Really stressful.

I'm glad you've decided to take a step back for your sanity and peace while going through this very serious illness of alcohol abuse.