Thanks all. I am not thinking clearly I know that. I spent a good part of the last couple of weeks drinking until I passed out. Regaining consciousness and repeating. I even blew off family Christmas. The bipolar. The drinking not a good combo. I haven't had a drink tonight and aa tomorrow.
I cannot believe the damage I have done to myself and to my important relationships. I would send really abusive txt messages to a guy who was a close friend and mentor when I was drunk. Not sure where the resentment was coming from. He blocked my number. I ended up going to see him and apologised. We have spoken. A few times and caught up in person but I think I have irreparably damaged our relationship.
He won't give me a professional reference any more. Can't blame him really. What was I thinking?