Class of May 2021 Support thread Part Two
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,747
happylandfills I understand what you mean about needing distraction. It’s great that you have art. And your partner was there to help you not go to the trash stash? I also hope you can get rid of that…. I am having a booze giveaway to my friends. Not a party but a pickup. I had already stopped having a “home bar” and a rainy day drug box. But since I had daily dog walkers I bought things they liked to drink. Beer, vodka, spiked seltzers. There were a couple things I had bought for myself, like those little cocktails in tiny flasks. Everything’s going. Because I know me and if I have a bad day I’m going to use those excuses and my fatalism as leverage and upend my whole mission. And I need my mission to get to the place I wanna be. A place where the only acceptance that matters is my own.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Happy. You sound of similar age to my young adult daughter, who is in college now. She is treated, has been since Jr High, for depression and anxiety. She’s fortunately not had drug or alcohol issues but did have a cutting addiction for a year or so. I still feel like I was hearing her in your last few posts. There’s a lot of social anxiety and isolation coming through. Obviously, I’m an alcoholic, and also deal with anxiety, depression, and all of these things affect family dynamics. Give your family some time to reach some equilibrium. Also know that teenagers are literally developmentally egocentric. They are still maturing and figuring out life themselves, and where they fit in. My daughter gets hurt that her brother doesn’t want to spend time with her or us. But, his way of coping with a lot of drama in his young life(he’s 4+ years younger), was to quietly tune out, keep occupied. I think he also needs time to forgive me for being a drinking/drunk mom every night for the last couple of years, and still quite regularly for much of his life.
It’s a hard part of sobering up, seeing relationships affected by the whole dysfunction of using, plus whatever feelings each of us bring to the family relationships, anyway. Numbing out will only keep these issues stagnant or worsen them. Staying sober and learning to deal with feelings and life will hopefully bring peace. It takes time though.
I will add one more thing. Your relationships with your parents are between you and them. Your sisters cannot dictate how much time your father or mother devote to you. It’s sad that you isolate and avoid your father because your sisters were jealous. That’s not for teenagers to dictate. 💕
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Good morning May friends. Today is the big graduation/Memorial Day/covid vaccination celebration party. Not gonna lie, the AV wants to join in. The designated driver, however, is unwavering in that role. Normally, I’d have extreme social anxiety because of my weight and insecurity. I’m feeling rather confident, though, because I know I’m looking healthier and have lost as much as 25-30 pounds since most of the crowd has seen me. So, that’s one big burden lifted. I also, after hearing the nagging AV, quickly shoot it down and feel some disgust about drinking. It’s hurt my body so much. It’s not my friend.
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Plenny, it’s a big step to open up to others for accountability. I’ve done the same for the first time. I told the ER dr in January, and talked about it with my current dr(new to me because my longtime dr left the location). He’s monitoring my health markers. I told my kids. I’ve also relapsed in front of them, and felt like a loser. That’s a motivation to stay sober. It really shifts the balance, knowing I’m accountable.
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Plenny, it’s a big step to open up to others for accountability. I’ve done the same for the first time. I told the ER dr in January, and talked about it with my current dr(new to me because my longtime dr left the location). He’s monitoring my health markers. I told my kids. I’ve also relapsed in front of them, and felt like a loser. That’s a motivation to stay sober. It really shifts the balance, knowing I’m accountable.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,747
Wow Phoebe that's bigtime accountability. I'm impressed. I thought I had it in the past but turns out I was actually just manipulating. The layers of manipulation I'm now seeing are astonishing. I really bought what I was selling and turns out so did everyone else. That's not accountability.
good luck at the gathering! I'd put money on the confidence you feel. You probably look better than any drinker there! Nice job. Nothing like a reunion, when you can show up with self improvement
good luck at the gathering! I'd put money on the confidence you feel. You probably look better than any drinker there! Nice job. Nothing like a reunion, when you can show up with self improvement
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Phoebe, both of those posts were fabulous. Really wonderful to read, thank you 
❤️
Stay safe at the party, being the designated driver is a wonderful strategy to stay sober.
The AV jumped me yesterday when we were discussing an upcoming birthday party in 5 weeks that includes a bar tab. It was whispering that if I stay sober till then, in 5 weeks time it would be ok to drink that one night. WT? I KNOW that never works, just take that darned music festival 2 weeks ago as the most recent example. Grrrrr. It makes me so mad.
Yes I am angry at the AV for being such a worm!
A lying horrible worm.
It’s a very important birthday party for a close family member so there’s no getting out of going. So I have said to all and sundry (my drinking friends and family that are also going) that I will be designated driver that night. Simple solution.
It’s a lovely sunny Sunday morning here and I’m going to a yoga class. That wouldn’t happen if I was hungover
❤️Stay safe at the party, being the designated driver is a wonderful strategy to stay sober.
The AV jumped me yesterday when we were discussing an upcoming birthday party in 5 weeks that includes a bar tab. It was whispering that if I stay sober till then, in 5 weeks time it would be ok to drink that one night. WT? I KNOW that never works, just take that darned music festival 2 weeks ago as the most recent example. Grrrrr. It makes me so mad.
Yes I am angry at the AV for being such a worm!
A lying horrible worm.
It’s a very important birthday party for a close family member so there’s no getting out of going. So I have said to all and sundry (my drinking friends and family that are also going) that I will be designated driver that night. Simple solution.
It’s a lovely sunny Sunday morning here and I’m going to a yoga class. That wouldn’t happen if I was hungover
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,851
Hi all. So great to read all of your posts. I am so proud of each of you.
My oldest turns 20 tomorrow, lots of thoughts and feelings going on with that. I am so glad that I will be sober to celebrate with her. Not quite sure what she is going to pick to do yet... but I am sure we will have fun.
Headed off to a baseball game and dinner in just a bit.
I am so relieved to be clearheaded during a weekend.
My oldest turns 20 tomorrow, lots of thoughts and feelings going on with that. I am so glad that I will be sober to celebrate with her. Not quite sure what she is going to pick to do yet... but I am sure we will have fun.
Headed off to a baseball game and dinner in just a bit.
I am so relieved to be clearheaded during a weekend.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Kitten, glad you’re feeling better. 💕
Willow, thanks for your kind words.
Citrus, hope you have fun with your daughter for her birthday!
Thanks, Suze. I made it through. Whew.
So, the party was mostly great snd enjoyable, and when you’re sober, you realize many people don’t drink as much as you did. However, the heavier drinkers do stand out more when sober. My husband fully embraced having a designated driver. 🙄. He’s drunk, quite obviously so, and it’s so annoying to me as a sober person. I feel guilty about being so annoyed, because it was me plenty of times. Though, he’s really never the sober one. I had to be very insistent about leaving. We were there for 6 hours, and probably the first to leave. I had asked ahead of time for him to be cooperative about leaving, but of course, once he was drinking, he kept milking it. I let him know on the ride home that it wasn’t fair. We had a deal. I was feeling fragile after so many hours, and seriously considered having just one glass of wine 5 hours in, but didn’t. I told him that I’m trying so hard, and that means sometimes I need to get away from it. C’mon, 6 hours is plenty of time. 🤷🏻♀️
I know I’m preaching to the choir, but just wanted to vent to people who get it.
Willow, thanks for your kind words.
Citrus, hope you have fun with your daughter for her birthday!
Thanks, Suze. I made it through. Whew.
So, the party was mostly great snd enjoyable, and when you’re sober, you realize many people don’t drink as much as you did. However, the heavier drinkers do stand out more when sober. My husband fully embraced having a designated driver. 🙄. He’s drunk, quite obviously so, and it’s so annoying to me as a sober person. I feel guilty about being so annoyed, because it was me plenty of times. Though, he’s really never the sober one. I had to be very insistent about leaving. We were there for 6 hours, and probably the first to leave. I had asked ahead of time for him to be cooperative about leaving, but of course, once he was drinking, he kept milking it. I let him know on the ride home that it wasn’t fair. We had a deal. I was feeling fragile after so many hours, and seriously considered having just one glass of wine 5 hours in, but didn’t. I told him that I’m trying so hard, and that means sometimes I need to get away from it. C’mon, 6 hours is plenty of time. 🤷🏻♀️
I know I’m preaching to the choir, but just wanted to vent to people who get it.
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Phoebe that was soooo well done! I’m so glad you didn’t have a drink!
My partner tends to milk it when he’s drinking and I’m driving too. I’ve got to the point now where I tell him beforehand that I’m planning to leave at X o’clock and that if he wants to stay longer he can get a cab home (or get a lift or walk if it’s nearby) or stay there overnight if he wants, but I’ll be going home. Then at the event, when that time is approaching, I remind him that I’ll be leaving in 10/15 minutes/half an hour (or whatever time it is). And when the time actually comes, I tell him that I’m heading home, does he want a lift or is he staying. When he tries with the “just one more, or just let me finish this drink”, depending on my mood, I’ll either say no, it’s X o’clock, I told you that’s when I was leaving, or I’ll give it another 15 minutes and then again say, ok, that’s it for me, I’m heading home, you’re welcome to stay but I’m going now. Invariably he comes home 😂
Kitten I’m glad you’re feeling better!
Citrus, happy birthday to your daughter. I hope you have a lovely time with her. It’s so good that you can celebrate with her sober, that’s a real gift ❤️
I’m on day 14 today
Sober Sunday is good
My partner tends to milk it when he’s drinking and I’m driving too. I’ve got to the point now where I tell him beforehand that I’m planning to leave at X o’clock and that if he wants to stay longer he can get a cab home (or get a lift or walk if it’s nearby) or stay there overnight if he wants, but I’ll be going home. Then at the event, when that time is approaching, I remind him that I’ll be leaving in 10/15 minutes/half an hour (or whatever time it is). And when the time actually comes, I tell him that I’m heading home, does he want a lift or is he staying. When he tries with the “just one more, or just let me finish this drink”, depending on my mood, I’ll either say no, it’s X o’clock, I told you that’s when I was leaving, or I’ll give it another 15 minutes and then again say, ok, that’s it for me, I’m heading home, you’re welcome to stay but I’m going now. Invariably he comes home 😂
Kitten I’m glad you’re feeling better!
Citrus, happy birthday to your daughter. I hope you have a lovely time with her. It’s so good that you can celebrate with her sober, that’s a real gift ❤️
I’m on day 14 today
Sober Sunday is good
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: Georgia
Posts: 56
I'm so thankful for everyone's support. You all mean the world to me, thank you. I'm doing slightly better after getting out of the house and going to work. My trainer was so sweet and is actually a recovered addict as well. We had really good conversations, nothing too personal but I feel like I have a good friend now. Everyone else at work parties, but not too hard. I don't think it'll be hard to avoid relapse if I let them hold me accountable, and since they're all so nice I think they will.
Phoebe, it sounds like I am a lot like your daughter. I also struggle with cutting, a lot. Since I don't have the drugs and alcohol to fall back on, these days it's getting worse. I really appreciate your response and it reminds me that teenagers are very about themselves. I cringe at my teen self who was unable to really see anything else except what affected me. I think that when my sisters are adults they might realize how much harm they are doing, but based on how my 27 year old sister is reacting to this, I'm not quite sure that they will. Either way, I'm happy that I have you guys and my dad and my boyfriend. Maybe that's all I need.
Phoebe, it sounds like I am a lot like your daughter. I also struggle with cutting, a lot. Since I don't have the drugs and alcohol to fall back on, these days it's getting worse. I really appreciate your response and it reminds me that teenagers are very about themselves. I cringe at my teen self who was unable to really see anything else except what affected me. I think that when my sisters are adults they might realize how much harm they are doing, but based on how my 27 year old sister is reacting to this, I'm not quite sure that they will. Either way, I'm happy that I have you guys and my dad and my boyfriend. Maybe that's all I need.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,747
Made it through another shift sober. And some thoughts about the old me are popping up… and it’s been kind of nice being able to say, “I know I won’t make that embarrassing mistake again,” and I know I can leave it in the past……. Kind of convenient to laugh at your old drunk self. I guess I’m not totally go the point of laughing or anything but I hope someday I can crack good jokes about the drinking life. Satire helps.
speaking of which I might start going to comedy open mics. Not to do a set only to listen. I also used to go to metal shows alone and sober. I liked doing those things sober.
I've grown to enjoy my own company. I miss my ex sometimes. But I’m getting along. It’s a simple life. Just hoping to weave in some more art time.
speaking of which I might start going to comedy open mics. Not to do a set only to listen. I also used to go to metal shows alone and sober. I liked doing those things sober.
I've grown to enjoy my own company. I miss my ex sometimes. But I’m getting along. It’s a simple life. Just hoping to weave in some more art time.
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
That’s great Plenny! Comedy is very helpful to lighten our mood
Next time I go to see music I am definitely going to be sober.
I missed most of the music at the music festival 2 weeks ago. Well I was present in body, but I don’t remember most of it, what a waste. I want to be able to remember the things I do and see and hear.
Next time I go to see music I am definitely going to be sober.
I missed most of the music at the music festival 2 weeks ago. Well I was present in body, but I don’t remember most of it, what a waste. I want to be able to remember the things I do and see and hear.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
Hey everyone hope it's going well.
26 days sober now.
Been hitting the gym a lot this last week. Truth being told, my life now to how it was just 6 weeks ago I feel like a different man. 6 weeks ago I was binging all weekend, felt utterly horrific, felt physically and mentally unwell. I feel like a new man today. I've just finished making some home made chimichurri and then I am heading over to my parents place for a BBQ. Fillet steak is on the menu.
I haven't thought about drinking all that much, despite yesterday being surrounded by it. I went to the riverside and it was a gloriously sunny day, so many people drinking the day away in the sun. I wasn't tempted at all. I am sure I will have more challenges in the future, but as of right now it's all good.I was speaking to my friend on saturday at the gym, he's two years sober. He said he's been thinking about drinking alot recently, I hope a relapse isn't on the cards. He knows if he drinks he will be neck deep in his addiciton in no time but he just wishes he could have a big bender once or twice a year and leave it at that. It made me think, I hope I am not thinking about drinking so much in two years time.
26 days sober now.
Been hitting the gym a lot this last week. Truth being told, my life now to how it was just 6 weeks ago I feel like a different man. 6 weeks ago I was binging all weekend, felt utterly horrific, felt physically and mentally unwell. I feel like a new man today. I've just finished making some home made chimichurri and then I am heading over to my parents place for a BBQ. Fillet steak is on the menu.
I haven't thought about drinking all that much, despite yesterday being surrounded by it. I went to the riverside and it was a gloriously sunny day, so many people drinking the day away in the sun. I wasn't tempted at all. I am sure I will have more challenges in the future, but as of right now it's all good.I was speaking to my friend on saturday at the gym, he's two years sober. He said he's been thinking about drinking alot recently, I hope a relapse isn't on the cards. He knows if he drinks he will be neck deep in his addiciton in no time but he just wishes he could have a big bender once or twice a year and leave it at that. It made me think, I hope I am not thinking about drinking so much in two years time.
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Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 338
Good Morning All
Things are good around here. I didn't get to post yesterday, but Friday evening my husband and I had a great talk about our drinking. Yes, I hit a nerve cutting off the "celebration" birthday vacation and he did was pissed and did pack up his toys and go home. This is the first time that we ever had an experience like this and he did take Friday, in the awful hot shed, and think about it. We have so much in common, love doing so many of the same things and we really need to get back to normal now.
He admitted to me that on the road he had been drinking some to unwind from the day, he enjoyed his glass of wine with a nice meal while he was home. To him, any nice meal is one at home. I told him that I had enjoyed it too, but it was too much of a habit. So much so that I was drinking when he was not home. Now, in the interest of honesty, I didn't tell him that a bottle of wine was often opened at noon and a couple of shots of Bailey's with my coffee, but I gave him enough honesty to let him know I was getting out of control. His decision to quit is his own.
This should be fun, both of us not drinking with a chorus of AV's singing out. I need to run to the grocery this morning and so ice cream will certainly be bought! Sweeets just help me get over the hump so much.
Since our vacation was ended so suddenly my husband wanted to make it up to me and go to a theme park. We live in Central FL so we are close to them all. The only one not completely booked was Universal so we invited my daughter to go with us and fun was had by the two nerds in my house. I am just not into Harry Potter, Marvel and all that, but it was great to do something non-alcohol related and they did have a great time. Turns out I am a Ravenclaw, who knew? I still don't know.
Day 3 done again and on to day 4. I am going to be proud when I make it a week at this point. I am sure it will happen. Sometimes progress is not made in a straight line but I am keeping my eye on the prize. I just want to start feeling better about myself and that involves so much physically and spiritually.
Happy, I am glad you are doing well. I know it is hard but you are looking for support where you can and finding it. It is surprising how many people are out there just like us and can help us in our journey.
Have a great day all!
Things are good around here. I didn't get to post yesterday, but Friday evening my husband and I had a great talk about our drinking. Yes, I hit a nerve cutting off the "celebration" birthday vacation and he did was pissed and did pack up his toys and go home. This is the first time that we ever had an experience like this and he did take Friday, in the awful hot shed, and think about it. We have so much in common, love doing so many of the same things and we really need to get back to normal now.
He admitted to me that on the road he had been drinking some to unwind from the day, he enjoyed his glass of wine with a nice meal while he was home. To him, any nice meal is one at home. I told him that I had enjoyed it too, but it was too much of a habit. So much so that I was drinking when he was not home. Now, in the interest of honesty, I didn't tell him that a bottle of wine was often opened at noon and a couple of shots of Bailey's with my coffee, but I gave him enough honesty to let him know I was getting out of control. His decision to quit is his own.
This should be fun, both of us not drinking with a chorus of AV's singing out. I need to run to the grocery this morning and so ice cream will certainly be bought! Sweeets just help me get over the hump so much.
Since our vacation was ended so suddenly my husband wanted to make it up to me and go to a theme park. We live in Central FL so we are close to them all. The only one not completely booked was Universal so we invited my daughter to go with us and fun was had by the two nerds in my house. I am just not into Harry Potter, Marvel and all that, but it was great to do something non-alcohol related and they did have a great time. Turns out I am a Ravenclaw, who knew? I still don't know.
Day 3 done again and on to day 4. I am going to be proud when I make it a week at this point. I am sure it will happen. Sometimes progress is not made in a straight line but I am keeping my eye on the prize. I just want to start feeling better about myself and that involves so much physically and spiritually.
Happy, I am glad you are doing well. I know it is hard but you are looking for support where you can and finding it. It is surprising how many people are out there just like us and can help us in our journey.
Have a great day all!
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