MaximusD

Still looking good in here ALBA!

AlbaSober

Still marching forwards pal. It's actually a great feeling posting sober on a sat night.

AlbaSober

Day 40 done. Highest ever of 58,450 steps today. Really pushed myself for 8 hours walking and my 3 square pre-planned meals.

It's now 10pm so no shops to purchase from.

Same time tomorrow.

MaximusD

What are you using to track your steps?

AlbaSober

Just my watch Max. Know idea how accurate it is but I'm not super bothered. As long as there's 10,000 on the watch at the end of the day I'm happy. When I'm a little bit smaller I'll start doing HIIT style training but at the minute walking is about my level.

MaximusD

What brand I mean? What type? I have a fitbit.

AlbaSober

Its an Huawei P30 pro. I think the company is banned in the US.

AlbaSober

Day 41 is behind me. I'm thankful for my diet plan, my freedom to step, and this website to keep me in check.

Same time tomorrow.

MaximusD

Alba, you outta put in a name change and get rid of the drunk part since that is your past now.

AlbaSober

My mind isn't comfortable with the idea that I cannot drink again, Max, and I'm in a good place mentally at the minute so I'm not closing off the possibility. Another poster talked how he calms his brain down by telling it he can drink again when he's 85 and I can very much relate to this. I'm hoping that as the sober days increase the desire and pull towards alcohol will go and then I will be able to change my mindset. But it's currently nearly 8pm here and I'm out walking in the pouring rain and thunder because there's no excuses about not getting my steps down.

I'll log in after 10pm so confirm it's ended as a sober day.

AlbaSober

DAY 42 in the bag. Bloody scary walking around in the thunder and lightning, but a good day. Steps, food and sober.

My son starts school tomorrow so feeling a wee bit proud of him tonight. I'll log in for certain the same time tomorrow.

Dee74

Hope all goes well with your son’s first day at school Alba.

As far as drinking again: even though my drinking nearly killed me goes... it still took me awhile to accept that sobriety was going to be the reality - but once having accepted that I’ve never looked back.

My life is 1000 times better than it was when I was drinking, and I know I’d still be a terrible drinker - to drink again would only take me back to that place I don’t want to go back to again.

I hope you get there too ALBA

D

AlbaSober

I accepted in 2018 that I couldn't drink again. Sadly due to my weaknesses I led to about 150 "one last times". Pretty much every Monday during 2018 and 2019 was my quit days. I was drinking about 150 units a week.

"I cannot drink today" works for me in my present mental state. "I'll never drink again" will hopefully in time feel just fine but I'm not there yet.

AlbaSober

My diet box didn't arrive yesterday as planned, and I ate fish supper drank a pepsi ( full sugar) and then went down to Tesco and bought 11 660ml bottles of Heineken or 36 unit of beer at 23 pounds. On the way back to the house my AV decided to call me a loser, a quiter, a weak bastard who's going nowhere. After spending 23 quid on nothing I've gave it away to the neighbours under the guise that I was gifted the beer.

Tomorrow I have my box full of food that will keep me on the sensible, moving forward, bettering myself picture I want.

So day 43 done but a wee wobble troops x

AlbaSober

I'm learning about myself I have two positional states: 1. Is winning bettering myself - it's positive. 2. If a loser determined to make things as bad as possible.

There's no middle ground.

Dee74

I'm glad you gave the beer away, ALBA

D

AlbaSober

Weird how the mind alters. On the way to the shop my AV was determined it was wanting bottles and loads. Post-checkout things changed, and very quickly.

But you'd talked at length about filling the void and my slip-up came after a lapse in diet in fitness. It's a boring message to send but It's what I need to make this stick.

Tomorrow I'm eating a chicken sausage bagel, some beef ragu and a meat pizza. I'll fill in the gaps with flavoured water, and then loads of walking. I'm really looking forward to an excellent 13th Aug.

Thanks for your support, Dee x

Dee74

I think a good diet and exercise really helps. I still have the occasional Irn Bru tho

D

Gabe1980

Just catching up on your thread Alba and it sounds like you are doing an AMAZING job! Keep in going man......

You are right about the diet and exercise.....it's becoming a priority for me now in a way it just wasn't before. The better I am at that, the less likely I am to drink.

AlbaSober

We're all different Gabe, but I'm able to function as a winner - where I think positive thoughts, or act like a loser where I drink, overeat and think only about the present. For me there seems to be no middle ground. This might be nothing like you, or perhaps you can relate to some or all of it. I'm just thinking out loud.

Today thankfully I was a winner. Tomorrow I have my food already planned out and 2 x 1.5 litre bottle of MacB's Apple and Blackcurrant water. I'll be walking to and from school with my son in the morning and again at lunchtime. In the evening tomorrow I'll walk between Yellowcraigs and Gullane. Why? Because I'm in control of tomorrow. That's Day 44 done for the diary