Alba diary July 2020
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 739
Alba diary July 2020
The 1st of July seemed like a good date to quit. The idea that I can have a 1/2 year of sobriety come the new year bells fills be with hope. But, of course I have to stick to the plan and the plan is no drinking regardless. I've being going through a horrible cycle whereby I simply cannot sleep without alcohol and it's mentally draining, and can go 3 or more nights where I haven't had even 10 winks by 9am where I admit defeat and clothe myself for the day. This always brings me back to alcohol as a means of getting some kip. But I'm drinking about 18 units of Beer every night and I know it's harming my body. I can see dermalogical changes and I'm around 6 stone overweight brought about only my beer consumption. I feel angry at myself that I've not used this lock down more wisely. Lock down has been the first period of my life where I haven't been working all hours. It's a time where I should have done more.
I've posting during the night at the beginning of Day 2, because of course I simply wont sleep tonight. But I need to fight this out, because returning to the beer bottle is only kicking the can further down the road.
My longest ever spell of non-drinking over the last 19 years has only been 21 days. So that a goal of mine to get beyond that. I'm hoping if I can reach that mark my sleep quality and circadian rhythm can return and be more regulated and consistent.
I've watched a few posters push through this recently and gain 50 and 100 days, because of course numbers climb if you keep doing the right thing, and for me It's time, and then hopefully a life without this poison.
Have a great day and I'll post again tomorrow evening. X
I've posting during the night at the beginning of Day 2, because of course I simply wont sleep tonight. But I need to fight this out, because returning to the beer bottle is only kicking the can further down the road.
My longest ever spell of non-drinking over the last 19 years has only been 21 days. So that a goal of mine to get beyond that. I'm hoping if I can reach that mark my sleep quality and circadian rhythm can return and be more regulated and consistent.
I've watched a few posters push through this recently and gain 50 and 100 days, because of course numbers climb if you keep doing the right thing, and for me It's time, and then hopefully a life without this poison.
Have a great day and I'll post again tomorrow evening. X
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I hope you can make this time be your last time Alba 
I think a plan needs to be a little more detailed than 'the plan is no drinking regardless'- some good ideas here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D
I think a plan needs to be a little more detailed than 'the plan is no drinking regardless'- some good ideas here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
ALBA,
welcome back.
yeah, my plans for not drinking didn’t work out well when the only plan was not to drink.
i needed to back that up with some other stuff.
looks like you signed up here ten years ago and have a couple of dozen posts...possibly getting more engaged with others who are sober and participating might be a good part of a plan for going forward.
welcome back.
yeah, my plans for not drinking didn’t work out well when the only plan was not to drink.
i needed to back that up with some other stuff.
looks like you signed up here ten years ago and have a couple of dozen posts...possibly getting more engaged with others who are sober and participating might be a good part of a plan for going forward.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Great idea to have your own July diary Alba! I'll be checking in.
Have you thought about getting some support with your problems sleeping? Maybe speak to the GP and get some help, in the short term, to get you into a regular sleeping pattern. It's really tough to get no sleep at all and I can imagine the temptation gets great. There is loads of good stuff online too about sleep hygiene and routine, meditation and relaxation stuff. I am just thinking that having a dual approach to not drinking and to you sleep problem may be really helpful just now.
Have you thought about getting some support with your problems sleeping? Maybe speak to the GP and get some help, in the short term, to get you into a regular sleeping pattern. It's really tough to get no sleep at all and I can imagine the temptation gets great. There is loads of good stuff online too about sleep hygiene and routine, meditation and relaxation stuff. I am just thinking that having a dual approach to not drinking and to you sleep problem may be really helpful just now.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
A diary is a great idea Alba.
When I quit, I came here and posted everyday, in a class thread. It was so important for establishing accountability. Being on SR daily - reading new posts and older ones, writing - was actually a big part of my plan. It was a way of creating community, helping out, gaining information too.
I did that daily habit for about 5-6 months until I felt like a baby bird who could leave the nest. I still stayed close to SR and checked in multiple times a week, well past my 1-year mark.
I eventually compiled all my posts from the first few months into a journal.
On the subject of sleep, it took me 7 days sober to start to get proper sleep and it evened out after that. A relevant entry at Day 24 says : "I slept in today ... I've been sleeping pretty well, some vivid dreams but no nightmares. However, I just awoke feeling really achy and blecch today."
So, get the days under your belt and the sleep definitely improves, though from time to time in those days, I'd still need a nap or find I'd need to sleep deeply for like 10-12 hours straight.
When I quit, I came here and posted everyday, in a class thread. It was so important for establishing accountability. Being on SR daily - reading new posts and older ones, writing - was actually a big part of my plan. It was a way of creating community, helping out, gaining information too.
I did that daily habit for about 5-6 months until I felt like a baby bird who could leave the nest. I still stayed close to SR and checked in multiple times a week, well past my 1-year mark.
I eventually compiled all my posts from the first few months into a journal.
On the subject of sleep, it took me 7 days sober to start to get proper sleep and it evened out after that. A relevant entry at Day 24 says : "I slept in today ... I've been sleeping pretty well, some vivid dreams but no nightmares. However, I just awoke feeling really achy and blecch today."
So, get the days under your belt and the sleep definitely improves, though from time to time in those days, I'd still need a nap or find I'd need to sleep deeply for like 10-12 hours straight.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Just "picking a day" is stressful to me...too much pressure for me....I was actively drinking on a bender (I'm a bender drinker vs. an everyday drinker) and my son would ask me...when are you going to stop? I would say tomorrow...tomorrow would come and I just couldn't ...it was usually because the hangover was too bad on that particular tomorrow.....
Luckily, for me I eventually get to a day where I wake up and I am just SICK of how I feel, sick of missing out on life, sick of not knowing what I exactly did or said to someone the days before, sick of watching the calendar days tick by and when I finally realize I am not "living" I have been fortunate enough to get to a day where I am like...OK this is the day....I am going to not drink today.....
I feel like "picking" a day just adds pressure...I see you are "thinking" about quitting..that is always the first step for me...I don't know if you stopped on the 1st but if you didn't...I would just not worry about the "date" and would focus on how you are feeling and how much you don't want to feel that way...and wake up one day and decide to fight it....then look at the date if you want.
I couldn't tell you what exact day I quit....but I know I have 9 or 10 days sober because the first 3 I was counting...couldn't wait to get to Day 3 because that is when I usually start eating...I remember getting to 7 days cause that was a week...now I have lost track
Luckily, for me I eventually get to a day where I wake up and I am just SICK of how I feel, sick of missing out on life, sick of not knowing what I exactly did or said to someone the days before, sick of watching the calendar days tick by and when I finally realize I am not "living" I have been fortunate enough to get to a day where I am like...OK this is the day....I am going to not drink today.....
I feel like "picking" a day just adds pressure...I see you are "thinking" about quitting..that is always the first step for me...I don't know if you stopped on the 1st but if you didn't...I would just not worry about the "date" and would focus on how you are feeling and how much you don't want to feel that way...and wake up one day and decide to fight it....then look at the date if you want.
I couldn't tell you what exact day I quit....but I know I have 9 or 10 days sober because the first 3 I was counting...couldn't wait to get to Day 3 because that is when I usually start eating...I remember getting to 7 days cause that was a week...now I have lost track
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 739
Originally Posted by Gabe1980 
Great idea to have your own July diary Alba! I'll be checking in.
Have you thought about getting some support with your problems sleeping? Maybe speak to the GP and get some help, in the short term, to get you into a regular sleeping pattern. It's really tough to get no sleep at all and I can imagine the temptation gets great. There is loads of good stuff online too about sleep hygiene and routine, meditation and relaxation stuff. I am just thinking that having a dual approach to not drinking and to you sleep problem may be really helpful just now.
Have you thought about getting some support with your problems sleeping? Maybe speak to the GP and get some help, in the short term, to get you into a regular sleeping pattern. It's really tough to get no sleep at all and I can imagine the temptation gets great. There is loads of good stuff online too about sleep hygiene and routine, meditation and relaxation stuff. I am just thinking that having a dual approach to not drinking and to you sleep problem may be really helpful just now.
I guess I'm one of these guys who doesn't want to go to the GP. There's more to it than just being scared of the findings. My wife has an autoimmune liver disease caused by having smaller than normal bile ducts. I know absolutely loads about Liver function tests (ALT, AST, GGT etc) Liver friendly foods, statins, plant-sterols, fibroscans etc etc. My wife doesn't drink and never had done, but absolutely drew the short-straw as she fights a battle against poor liver clearance, and a liver which is semi-attacking itself. I've been there for her during every single stage of her illness. If fought tooth and nail for her and she's doing fine. But....I was born with a perfectly functioning liver and through self-sabotage I've damaged it. I'm regularly at our GP practice to discuss her case and offer support. I'm too ashamed to attend the practise and admit my failings.
The lack of sleep regulation comes from a lack of vit B12 this is consistent with the arrival of increased age/brown spots and Bier spots over the last 18 months where I have been sick.
So....to answer your question I'm taking Nytol to see if that does the trick. I managed a full 2 hours sleep last night which I was really happy about and I've been really active today. I'm hopeful for a decent kip tonight.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 739
Originally Posted by MaximusD
Welcome Alba, after a minor slip my quit date is the same as yours. I agree my OCD likes the nice round # of July 1st. Lets keep this quit date yea?
The #july1st club.
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DAY 2.
Day 2 in now behind me and I didn't drink which is the most important thing. I wasn't remotely tempted at and time today - this seems to be consistent with my first 5 or 6 days when I pick a quit point. Normally about the week mark is where the voice arises like a phoenix from the ashes!
My energy levels were good this morning and I went out and walked 8,000 steps ( 4 miles) and felt fine afterwards. Spent the afternoon in the garden constructing a see-saw for my kids and all was going fine until my youngest (he's 2) trapped his hand in hinge bracket of the door. The GP wanted a trip to the hospital to ensure there wasn't a bone crush, and everything checked out fine. These things always take forever and after 4 hours in A & E, dinner unfortunately was from McDonalds. I'm trying to eat clean, walk 10k steps, alongside the number 1 which is not to drink. When I got home I forced myself out for another 9,750 steps ( 5 miles ) listening to some old REM albums I hadn't heard in a while. Then home to write on here before bed.
Tomorrow is forecast to be very wet to I think I'll be doing my walking later in the day, but I'll be get done.
Same time for a rock 'n' roll Fri night on the favoured water!
Day 2 in now behind me and I didn't drink which is the most important thing. I wasn't remotely tempted at and time today - this seems to be consistent with my first 5 or 6 days when I pick a quit point. Normally about the week mark is where the voice arises like a phoenix from the ashes!
My energy levels were good this morning and I went out and walked 8,000 steps ( 4 miles) and felt fine afterwards. Spent the afternoon in the garden constructing a see-saw for my kids and all was going fine until my youngest (he's 2) trapped his hand in hinge bracket of the door. The GP wanted a trip to the hospital to ensure there wasn't a bone crush, and everything checked out fine. These things always take forever and after 4 hours in A & E, dinner unfortunately was from McDonalds. I'm trying to eat clean, walk 10k steps, alongside the number 1 which is not to drink. When I got home I forced myself out for another 9,750 steps ( 5 miles ) listening to some old REM albums I hadn't heard in a while. Then home to write on here before bed.
Tomorrow is forecast to be very wet to I think I'll be doing my walking later in the day, but I'll be get done.
Same time for a rock 'n' roll Fri night on the favoured water!
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Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Sounds like you are on the right track. I loved REM in the 90s. Don't be hard on yourself though. Something like that happening is going to change dinner plans I am sure and that is okay. Keep it up but don't do too much too soon!
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Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Toronto Area
Posts: 25
On the subject of sleep:
I quit for 2 months starting April 6...it was awful. More than 40 hours with no sleep initially and the waves of anxiety were horrible. After a few days, the anxiety was gone, but the sleep still wasn't that great, perhaps 3 or 4 hours per night. At that point, I didn't really care, because the anxiety was gone and it was such a relief. Then a bit later on, I got more sleep, but even closer towards the end of 2 months sober, I was still getting only 5 to 6 hours of sleep per night. I began to think that this was my normal state and just accepted it. I think that I never really knew how much my "normal" amount of sleep really was because I was always passing out drunk. In any case, the 6 hours made me feel a whole lot better than the 8 or 9 or more that I had while drinking.
I quit for 2 months starting April 6...it was awful. More than 40 hours with no sleep initially and the waves of anxiety were horrible. After a few days, the anxiety was gone, but the sleep still wasn't that great, perhaps 3 or 4 hours per night. At that point, I didn't really care, because the anxiety was gone and it was such a relief. Then a bit later on, I got more sleep, but even closer towards the end of 2 months sober, I was still getting only 5 to 6 hours of sleep per night. I began to think that this was my normal state and just accepted it. I think that I never really knew how much my "normal" amount of sleep really was because I was always passing out drunk. In any case, the 6 hours made me feel a whole lot better than the 8 or 9 or more that I had while drinking.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
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Originally Posted by ALBAdrunk
I guess I'm one of these guys who doesn't want to go to the GP. There's more to it than just being scared of the findings. My wife has an autoimmune liver disease caused by having smaller than normal bile ducts. I know absolutely loads about Liver function tests (ALT, AST, GGT etc) Liver friendly foods, statins, plant-sterols, fibroscans etc etc. My wife doesn't drink and never had done, but absolutely drew the short-straw as she fights a battle against poor liver clearance, and a liver which is semi-attacking itself. I've been there for her during every single stage of her illness. If fought tooth and nail for her and she's doing fine. But....I was born with a perfectly functioning liver and through self-sabotage I've damaged it. I'm regularly at our GP practice to discuss her case and offer support. I'm too ashamed to attend the practise and admit my failings.
The lack of sleep regulation comes from a lack of vit B12 this is consistent with the arrival of increased age/brown spots and Bier spots over the last 18 months where I have been sick.
So....to answer your question I'm taking Nytol to see if that does the trick. I managed a full 2 hours sleep last night which I was really happy about and I've been really active today. I'm hopeful for a decent kip tonight.
The lack of sleep regulation comes from a lack of vit B12 this is consistent with the arrival of increased age/brown spots and Bier spots over the last 18 months where I have been sick.
So....to answer your question I'm taking Nytol to see if that does the trick. I managed a full 2 hours sleep last night which I was really happy about and I've been really active today. I'm hopeful for a decent kip tonight.
I just want to say that you have every right to go to the GP for help you know, I get that you feel you don't deserve it and I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's illness, that's really tough, but you being well is better for you and for her. We all need some help sometimes. You are worth getting that help ALBA.
Well done on getting these days under your belt
xOh, also...you can get a B12 jab every month, quite simple and might make the world of difference. I'll shut up now!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Originally Posted by Gabe1980
I hope you do mange to get a bit more sleep and I'm glad to hear you got a couple of hours...
I just want to say that you have every right to go to the GP for help you know, I get that you feel you don't deserve it and I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's illness, that's really tough, but you being well is better for you and for her. We all need some help sometimes. You are worth getting that help ALBA.
Well done on getting these days under your beltx
Oh, also...you can get a B12 jab every month, quite simple and might make the world of difference. I'll shut up now!
I just want to say that you have every right to go to the GP for help you know, I get that you feel you don't deserve it and I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's illness, that's really tough, but you being well is better for you and for her. We all need some help sometimes. You are worth getting that help ALBA.
Well done on getting these days under your belt
xOh, also...you can get a B12 jab every month, quite simple and might make the world of difference. I'll shut up now!
I've been taking Livertone Plus which has 5000% of the recommended B12 so I hope this will push up my numbers upwards. I've also started eating breakfast cereals, something I haven't done since I was a bairn. When I was drinking lunch was always the first meal of the day and often something 'crap' to 'make me feel better'...!
Anyways day 3 is now done because It's too late to buy bevvy and I've had a productive day constructing a TV unit, after queuing for 1 hour to get into IKEA. I was one of the few wearing my facemask.
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Day 4 done. Feeling tired and deflated. I can't drink tonight because the shops are closed but I would be feeling much better tomorrow if I had some units tonight and some kip.
Signed up to Musclefood UK for a 14 diet thing - cost me £140 so that'll be arriving on Tuesday. Hope to lose some weight and continue with my 10k steps plus every day.
Settling down for another night with no sleep. The perils of alcohol.
See you tomorrow SR. X
Signed up to Musclefood UK for a 14 diet thing - cost me £140 so that'll be arriving on Tuesday. Hope to lose some weight and continue with my 10k steps plus every day.
Settling down for another night with no sleep. The perils of alcohol.
See you tomorrow SR. X
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