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Alba diary July 2020

Old 07-31-2020, 02:29 PM
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That's day 31 done or 1 full month or 1/12th of a year! First time in my adult life I've done this, so feeling quite proud. Still suffering from my sore ankle which is actually getting a wee bit worse with time. It's swollen badly because I'm around 90lbs overweight. Skinny people roll their ankle and its all good.....I've had problems because of excess weight. I'd been sticking to my clean lifestyle and have lost 11lbs in July which is grand. Funnily being temp disabled has made it easy not to drink because with my usual beer session I probably go to the toilet about 12 times, and I've been absolutely hating climbing the stair. My wife's been looking after me well.

I'm feeling hopefully I can continue this through August, but I accept there's a chance I'll fail because I've had thousands of day 1's. I appreciate that's not textbook SR talk but it's what fits my brain nicely. But a good days eating and sober day for tomorrow is my only thought atm.

Same time tomorrow and thanks for reading.
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Old 07-31-2020, 05:19 PM
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I'm feeling hopefully I can continue this through August, but I accept there's a chance I'll fail because I've had thousands of day 1's.
This may fit your brain nicely, but maybe that needs to change.
Not because of any 'SR think' or dogma - but because thinking this way - 'I may fail, I may only get through August' - is leaving the door open a crack to more drinking .

i had 15 years of weekly or more than weekly day ones. Now I've been sober since 2007.
One of the reasons for that is that I accepted I can have the life I want, or I can drink - but not both.

I had to choose - and I chose to take drinking off the table as a choice for good.

The fact I'd failed so many times before had no bearing on this time, because I really REALLY wanted to change - and in changing I made better decisions, and I became better for it.

I cannot think of any situation feeling or reason that would make me decide to drink now.
There is no good reason why you cannot get there too

Shut the door on further drinking - for good, ALBA..

D
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Old 08-01-2020, 06:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
This may fit your brain nicely, but maybe that needs to change.
Not because of any 'SR think' or dogma - but because thinking this way - 'I may fail, I may only get through August' - is leaving the door open a crack to more drinking .

i had 15 years of weekly or more than weekly day ones. Now I've been sober since 2007.
One of the reasons for that is that I accepted I can have the life I want, or I can drink - but not both.

I had to choose - and I chose to take drinking off the table as a choice for good.

The fact I'd failed so many times before had no bearing on this time, because I really REALLY wanted to change - and in changing I made better decisions, and I became better for it.

I cannot think of any situation feeling or reason that would make me decide to drink now.
There is no good reason why you cannot get there too

Shut the door on further drinking - for good, ALBA..

D
I suppose we have to do what we see best for each other. I've used the "I cannot drink anymore" "That's it I'm now tee-total" "Drinking is now in the past" routine for years and it hasn't worked for me.

This is the first time where I accept that I can fail. I accept that I'm vulnerable and it's enabled me to go beyond any sober period I've had in 20 years. So I'm going to keep on doing what I perceive to be best for me. It's a Sat afternoon and I'm enjoying some healthy food and a 2L bottle of water. Tonight I don't see me relapsing but I need to allow my brain to have to freedom of expression that Its possible. Because If I don't and make it so binary and absolute I won't last. I'll write up my Day 32 after 10pm ( which is when the beer shops close). I'm fairly certain I wont be drinking today.
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Old 08-01-2020, 02:16 PM
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Day 32 done. It's 10:08 and the beer shops are closed so I cannot drink tonight. I was thinking about what I posted earlier and how I can expand on it. Because what I talk about it simply a mindset that works very well for me. I've the upmost respect for Dee - who's probably supported 10,000 folk plus me along this road. So I want to try and explain how I'm feeling but I'm not too great with words.

One of the things I keep reading from newbies trying to quit is the idea of 1 last drink. 'I'll have a drink on Sunday and then Monday morning that's it'. This.....(purely for me) is a recipe for disaster. I've been that person 1000 times over. If I eliminate the option that I cannot drink again I'm more relaxed in my mindset and perhaps my AV is happier about this. It's allowed me to make more progress that I ever did with the idea of - THIS IS IT. DRINKING IS NO LONGER AN OPTION. It's allowed me sober time and I've cherished it. There's a 100 ways to skin a cat and this is working for me atm. It might not work forever but I'm sober happy and thinking positively.

Same time tomorrow night, and have a cracking sober Sunday. X
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Old 08-01-2020, 06:20 PM
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We are all different but I'm sorry - I think the one thing all the people successful in recovery have is that never again commitment.

I'm not trying to be a jerk.

All I can do is share my experience ALBA.
If I was to drink again, there's a mighty good chance I'd never come back from it so, as I see it the stakes are pretty high.

I'll leave you with one thought tho - you can make a rhetorical question not requiring an answer if you like...

but did you 'fail' because you said 'no more... never again... now I'm teetotal'...

or was it because you didn't back up those declarations with sufficient resolve and action?

D

Originally Posted by ALBAdrunk View Post
I suppose we have to do what we see best for each other. I've used the "I cannot drink anymore" "That's it I'm now tee-total" "Drinking is now in the past" routine for years and it hasn't worked for me.

This is the first time where I accept that I can fail. I accept that I'm vulnerable and it's enabled me to go beyond any sober period I've had in 20 years. So I'm going to keep on doing what I perceive to be best for me. It's a Sat afternoon and I'm enjoying some healthy food and a 2L bottle of water. Tonight I don't see me relapsing but I need to allow my brain to have to freedom of expression that Its possible. Because If I don't and make it so binary and absolute I won't last. I'll write up my Day 32 after 10pm ( which is when the beer shops close). I'm fairly certain I wont be drinking today.
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Old 08-01-2020, 09:10 PM
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Originally Posted by ALBAdrunk View Post
It's a brilliant place in the summer but a wee bit depressing in the winter. Scotland has real issues with drinking although I can see it changing a little with the younger generation who seem to prefer going to gym and body image. Drinking culture plays such a big part. It's to be unseasonally warm on Friday with temps about 26c which of course will mean beer gardens, or drinking in parks/ beach. In the winter it's 'Lets drink because there's nothing to do'. The longer days have helped my sobriety because I've been outside walking until very late at night. When the weather gets poorer and the days get shorter I'm going to treat myself to a expensive health club membership and a winter holiday to the sun (COVID allowing). I mean I spend about £400 a month on getting drunk so £70 per month on a health club membership will be achievable.

I'll log in tomorrow evening.
That's interesting about the younger Scots being more into keeping fit than drinking, it's similar in Ireland. Pub culture is far less of a thing for the twenty somethings that it was for my generation (I'm in my forties) - and not just due to COVID. I'm not sure if the obsession with body image some of them have is entirely a positive thing but it doesn't cause liver disease, it has that going for it.

Well done on your 31 days. You don't need or want to drink ever again, at any time, for any reason.
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Old 08-02-2020, 01:14 PM
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DAY 33 done. Ankle's getting wee bit better so I can walk around with the crutches I bought online. I've had a boring day so nothing too much to tell but It's been another day of eating and drinking cleanly. I'm enjoying that my T-shirts feel a lot looser. I'm enjoying some mental freedom and I feel confident I won't drink tomorrow.

Same time tomorrow.
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Old 08-03-2020, 02:57 PM
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Day 34 done today. I feel really calm. I've bought a watch that tells me my resting heart rate has fallen by about 10 beats per min.

Tomorrow will be the first day in 9 days that I'm fit enough to leave the house as my ankle is improving. I feel positive and mentally free.

2018 and 2019 I was consumed by the 'fact' I had to give up alcohol. Those were the years I drunk the most. The conversation Dee recommends might happen in the future but I'd be daft to quit the first winning formula I've ever had. Tomorrow I try and eat really well. I will try and exercise. I will try to not to drink.

Same time tomorrow.
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Old 08-03-2020, 03:07 PM
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I also want you to know Dee that I'm not trolling because alternative views can be interpreted as that. I'm an alcoholic trying to kick the cans out my house. This site is a godsend.
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Old 08-03-2020, 04:48 PM
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I've never once thought you were trolling ALBA

D
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Old 08-04-2020, 01:47 AM
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Sorry I've not been around for a few days, it's been rough, but hearing how well you are doing is so encouraging. I am glad to hear your ankle is getting better, and you'll be out walking, and making the most of the rest of our summer!
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Old 08-04-2020, 08:34 AM
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Catching up in here ALBA. Looking good!
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Old 08-04-2020, 02:46 PM
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Day number 35 done. Today wasn't a good day because I had an unexpected trip to the new hospital in Edinburgh with my son (hurt his leg), which meant I couldn't do my healthy eating plan and the weather was terrible so no exercise. But I remained alcohol free, and I don't feel close to relapsing. I've got everything already planned for tomorrows food and I will be out walking the beaches from 7pm. Getting in my steps.

Same time tomorrow.
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Old 08-05-2020, 08:42 AM
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Looking good Alba. Hope your sons leg is doing better!
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Old 08-05-2020, 03:21 PM
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Thanks Max, sadly is a small break so a full plaster for the next 6 weeks. Day 36 was a good day for me but another terrible day weatherwise. The weather finally broke at 7pm so I headed out to the beach for the 10,000 steps. Because the days are getting a wee bit shorter I'm coming off the beach at 920-930. I much preferred it when I could walk until 10pm, because after 10pm shops cannot serve you alcohol. But I got the shopping my wife wanted on the way home without temptation getting hold of me. Moving forward I'm going to tell her I'm not visiting the shop after my exercise, as it could cause problems further down the line.

When I was out walking I was thinking about the alternative mindset of Alcoholic v normal drinker, and one of the differences is the day afterwards. The normal drinker will be repulsed by the thought of drinking again as they nurse a hangover while the alcoholic will go on the chalk up a run of days drinking.

My food consumption was again bang on for today and I already know what I'm eating tomorrow and at what times ( which I wont bore you about), and hopefully another 3 ticks in the box for tomorrow for: Drinking, Food, and Exercise.

Same time tomorrow.
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Old 08-06-2020, 03:24 PM
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DAY 37 complete. Really tough day as I didn't get any sleep ( o mins ) last night. Firstly due to my youngest being up from midnight till 5am, and then my mind couldn't get back to sleep afterwards. I feel really malnourished today, partly from zero kip, and partly because I know my bloods are still way off. But I still polished off 18,000 steps and ate the 3-square meals I'd pre-planned for myself alongside my 3L of flavoured water. I've started to really enjoy water since I've taken a break from alcohol. I've no desire for fizzy junk like Coke. I'd wrote last night about avoiding the shops at night which I did but my wife asked me to pick up a parcel which we'd missed via courier.........and of course the pick up point was the local wines and beer shop!

I've had a rough day mentally and physically and I didn't fold and buy beer so that's a good mental tick in the box.

I've planned my two walks for tomorrow, my 3 meals and all good to go and I'm confident I won't be drinking tomorrow.

Same time tomorrow.
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Old 08-07-2020, 07:11 AM
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Hey ALBA, it sounds like you are doing really well mate. It's getting through those rough days and not picking up a drink that really counts and eventually those days get easier (I hope!) Sorry to hear you aren't getting sleep though, that must be rough.

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Old 08-07-2020, 02:10 PM
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DAY 38 done....First potential wobble tonight as my AV was telling me to go to the shops and get some beer to watch the football as it would make a more enjoyable night. My AV would have been right but it would have led to a poorer sat, so I jumped in the car drove to the coast and walked further than usual. Tomorrow night will be easy as I'm driving at 5am on Sunday. But I'm beginning to feel temptation for the first time since day 15th(ish).

TL;DR Steps done. Diet Done. Sober, Done.
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Old 08-07-2020, 05:24 PM
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The AV is never right.

I think football is every bit as much enjoyable sober.
Maybe not yet for you cos that voice has still got your ear but your AV is wrong ALBA.

Congrats on day 38.

D
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Old 08-08-2020, 02:37 PM
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DAY 39 in the bag and I'm quite delighted to see the numbers jump up. It's nearly double my previous longest sober period of 21 days, and I'm feeling better, but certainly not walking on air. I've went from being really quite ill to feeling slightly distant. I long for the clarity of thought which I hope to achieve in the medium to long term. I've introduced some multivitamins into my daily routine so we'll see how that goes, but today was textbook in that I ate perfectly, walked my steps and didn't consume anything other than water. I'm going back to work in about 2 weeks time and I'm worried about that. Purely from a selfish point of view this lockdown has been superb for my ability to concentrate on my sobriety and fitness. When I'm back working I know my eating will suffer and it's been a huge help in keeping me focused and sober. I've very much an 'in for a penny in for a pound' type person, at the minute I'm addicted to this programme I'm on. I'm unable to moderate and therefore I spend my time either 'winning' at life with healthy attitudes or 'losing' with booze and soak it up food.

But another day added today....and same time tomorrow.
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