My new sobriety journal
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
BABM, I’m glad to see you doing well and posting every day. I enjoy your posts. You are doing a lot for your sobriety...exercising, eating right, working and being a great dad. Very encouraging to read.
Tired Carpenter, I too used alcohol to deal with anxiety due to several trauma’s happening in quick succession, turning my life upside down for several years. Starts out so innocently, doesn’t it? I’m glad you, and I, found the right Dr. and medicine to help.
Wishing everyone restful sleep and praying for peace in America tonight.
Tired Carpenter, I too used alcohol to deal with anxiety due to several trauma’s happening in quick succession, turning my life upside down for several years. Starts out so innocently, doesn’t it? I’m glad you, and I, found the right Dr. and medicine to help.
Wishing everyone restful sleep and praying for peace in America tonight.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Thanks everyone. Weird, first attempt to post disappeared.
Another wonderful day with the kids. They are just easy and funny. Even their conjured up fighting is cute. I was snapping my son’s butt with a dish towel and I got one bad. I could tell it hurt so I let him shoot me in the butt with this nerf gun that is like a paint ball gun. Before you know it all of us were shooting eachother in our butts with this gun. The kids were running through the house hiding under covers. We have so much fun. Took a nice hike in the desert with a nice breeze and a light rain. The kids love the dogs, the dogs love the kids and I love them all, so it works for me. My daughter’s dietary restrictions weren’t too bad. And she looks great, she had like no body fat and damn near beat me in a foot race. Not yet girl, not yet.
Goodnight to all who come to my journal and especially those who post.
Another wonderful day with the kids. They are just easy and funny. Even their conjured up fighting is cute. I was snapping my son’s butt with a dish towel and I got one bad. I could tell it hurt so I let him shoot me in the butt with this nerf gun that is like a paint ball gun. Before you know it all of us were shooting eachother in our butts with this gun. The kids were running through the house hiding under covers. We have so much fun. Took a nice hike in the desert with a nice breeze and a light rain. The kids love the dogs, the dogs love the kids and I love them all, so it works for me. My daughter’s dietary restrictions weren’t too bad. And she looks great, she had like no body fat and damn near beat me in a foot race. Not yet girl, not yet.
Goodnight to all who come to my journal and especially those who post.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Really struggling today. I took the kids back to their mom. Usually I would pick up a bottle and drink it on the way home. I haven't done that for a while, but I'm definitely in the danger zone. My life feels extremely void and pointless when I don't have the kids here. Another night alone. Another day at a job that doesn't inspire me. Day after day after day. I'm failing to see the point. I'm not suicidal or anything like that, just bleh. Not like I think drinking would make it better, but it is no wonder I drink. I went to a meeting tonight. That was good. A lot of good wisdom and nice people. So that helped. But it's like groundhog's day over here. Same stuff, different day.
And I hear over and over again, "learn to be with yourself". Maybe that's the goal, but it's quite uninteresting. Ugh.
And I hear over and over again, "learn to be with yourself". Maybe that's the goal, but it's quite uninteresting. Ugh.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I get it's a downer to give the kids back - but you need to find a reason not to self destruct, BABM.
You're a good guy, you're loved, and you can rebuild your life.
Not every day is a winner, but not every day is a downer either. Find the middle path man.
D
You're a good guy, you're loved, and you can rebuild your life.
Not every day is a winner, but not every day is a downer either. Find the middle path man.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Hi BABM - I can only speak from my own short experience, but the feelings of despair, depression and anomie left me within about 70 days. I'm not saying that will be the same for you, and I'm not even saying that it'll remain the same for me! That's just how it is now, my experience as it happened.
(I've been depressed for about 15 years and wouldn't be at all surprised if at some point in the future I am again, even without alcohol, but if I am I'll go to my Dr. Anything she prescribed chemically and any efforts to battle my mood were pointless when I was taking a depressant for 6 hours every day!)
Give it a chance...find a way through today
(I've been depressed for about 15 years and wouldn't be at all surprised if at some point in the future I am again, even without alcohol, but if I am I'll go to my Dr. Anything she prescribed chemically and any efforts to battle my mood were pointless when I was taking a depressant for 6 hours every day!)
Give it a chance...find a way through today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Wrapping up a good day. Had a friend drive two hours to see me because he needed a favor, I was glad to oblige and he was grateful. Then the most important person in my life, my cousin - who is like a father figure - stopped by by to shoot the bull. He also lives 2 hours away but was in the area for other reasons. We planned out a home improvement project I want him to help with. We also planned a trip next weekend to northern Arizona to check on his property. So that will be nice. Will see my kids then too. Youngest daughter sent a bunch of sweet messages then Facetimed me a bunch too. Which is sweet. Took the dogs on a long walk in the light rain, was so beautiful. As I walked I talked to myself and to God a little bit about what's going on in my life and the direction I would like it to go. Then, knowing the anxiety was coming tonight, I saddled up and took a nice bike ride. The whole ride was seemingly uphill and into the wind, but felt great when I was done. A metaphor for recovery?? Who knows. I'm feeling good today. Lonely as usual, but if I take stock of the day I'd say I did as well as I could and I didn't drink, so I'll chalk it up as a win.
Love you guys.
Love you guys.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 637
Originally Posted by BeABetterMan 
Wrapping up a good day. Had a friend drive two hours to see me because he needed a favor, I was glad to oblige and he was grateful. Then the most important person in my life, my cousin - who is like a father figure - stopped by by to shoot the bull. He also lives 2 hours away but was in the area for other reasons. We planned out a home improvement project I want him to help with. We also planned a trip next weekend to northern Arizona to check on his property. So that will be nice. Will see my kids then too. Youngest daughter sent a bunch of sweet messages then Facetimed me a bunch too. Which is sweet. Took the dogs on a long walk in the light rain, was so beautiful. As I walked I talked to myself and to God a little bit about what's going on in my life and the direction I would like it to go. Then, knowing the anxiety was coming tonight, I saddled up and took a nice bike ride. The whole ride was seemingly uphill and into the wind, but felt great when I was done. A metaphor for recovery?? Who knows. I'm feeling good today. Lonely as usual, but if I take stock of the day I'd say I did as well as I could and I didn't drink, so I'll chalk it up as a win.
Love you guys.
Love you guys.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Today was not the best. I usually take medicine to sleep and last night I think I took the wrong medicine because I was up all night tossing and turning. When I finally got out of bed I was dead on my feet. Totally worthless as it relates to my job, I got nothing done. I wanted soo bad to take an anti anxiety or sleeping pill and just not feel the depression, fatigue and anxiety today, but I pushed my way through it. While I don't struggle with addiction to those things, I do struggle with reality and when life gets bumpy I look for the exit ramp. I'm still feeling very upside down. I dialed into my home group meeting at the last minute which was nice, it's good seeing those people. I just hope tomorrow is better than today.
The topic of the meeting was anger and resentment. And man, with all of the unrest that's going on in the country these days, I am really struggling with anger and resentment. I can't watch the news too much or it just sucks the life out of me. That anger and resentment really affects me. And I have to keep it in check by handing it over to something other than myself. I've also been investing a lot of money in the stock market, and I've been doing ok, but even that is sucking the life out of me. Tomorrow I'm not going to buy or sell anything and focus on work and do something for my recovery. I need to stay focused.
The topic of the meeting was anger and resentment. And man, with all of the unrest that's going on in the country these days, I am really struggling with anger and resentment. I can't watch the news too much or it just sucks the life out of me. That anger and resentment really affects me. And I have to keep it in check by handing it over to something other than myself. I've also been investing a lot of money in the stock market, and I've been doing ok, but even that is sucking the life out of me. Tomorrow I'm not going to buy or sell anything and focus on work and do something for my recovery. I need to stay focused.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
BABM, another day sober!
For me there is a virtuous circle in my sobriety. I am looking to develop and better myself, I'm not content with just not-drinking. I want to be happy, secure, a better person. And guess what? All of that stuff is helping me stay sober. At the beginning of each day I plan what I can do to support my sobriety and growth, having a positive goal really helps me every day.
And of course when drinking does pop into my head I know just how that would set my growth WAY back.
Your report today is full of good stuff and as a side effect - another day sober. They quickly add up
For me there is a virtuous circle in my sobriety. I am looking to develop and better myself, I'm not content with just not-drinking. I want to be happy, secure, a better person. And guess what? All of that stuff is helping me stay sober. At the beginning of each day I plan what I can do to support my sobriety and growth, having a positive goal really helps me every day.
And of course when drinking does pop into my head I know just how that would set my growth WAY back.
Your report today is full of good stuff and as a side effect - another day sober. They quickly add up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
I'm pushing along. Been busy at work. Also been really tired. Not sure what that's about. Going on a trip with my cousin this weekend. I already heard my AV start telling me I could drink one of the nights. I've been really facing that craving/voice and trying to deal with it, to push it back. I have a little antabuse left, I'm going to take it on Friday for good measure. Just insanity that there's something inside of me that would want me to drink right now. I'm just barely clearing the wreckage of just a week ago.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 146
Originally Posted by BeABetterMan
Just insanity that there's something inside of me that would want me to drink right now. I'm just barely clearing the wreckage of just a week ago.
Congrats on another day! Hope you have a great, sober weekend.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
BABM, I was stuck in the revolving door for 3 miserable years so I have been there, got the tee shirt, even bought the factory where they make the tee shirts. I wish there was something magical I could say to turn everything around for you, but you know as much about alcoholism as I do, so I got nothing, only a virtual hug. I haven't given up on you though. Don't give up on yourself. Don't let the bastard claim another.
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