My new sobriety journal
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Join Date: Dec 2019
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It's hard for folks like us to learn to think things through BABM. It is still a skill that I am working on having never done it once in my first 5.5 decades. But I will tell you that once the practice takes hold and becomes a habit, it is a treasure to have in your toolbox. The ability to see things coming down the road from far away. So much time to think. To adjust, to shift. I'm glad you are sober. I will give you a bit of tough love - sending your ex a necklace and in the same breath telling her that you won't talk to her anymore is sending the most mixed up of messages. Those are the things we need to think through BABM. Not criticizing. Not knowing who we are or whether to scratch our watches or wind our butts is a universal trait among us nag-headed addicts. You are such a smart caring person and I hope you stay sober.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Sort yourself out and try (really try) to be a better man before trying to get a woman to support you. This necklace things seems totally over the top. Your references to different 'exes' is a constant in your posts. You have often referred to episodes involving exes (not sure if one or more) where you were really not very nice.
None of us is entitled to anybody else's. Loneliness is really hard and most humans feel very lonely very often. But we are not entitled to anybody to fill that gap. It requires lots of effort and real investment to share life with others. Alcohol does not help. Sharing anything with an active alcoholic is extremely hard if you are not one yourself.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but as a woman, I must say you come across as a bit scary. As someone who is addicted to alcohol, but managed to keep herself sober for the last 11 months, complaining about loneliness into day 8 (and you do this a lot) only means you are looking (again) for your usual excuses to drink.
None of us is entitled to anybody else's. Loneliness is really hard and most humans feel very lonely very often. But we are not entitled to anybody to fill that gap. It requires lots of effort and real investment to share life with others. Alcohol does not help. Sharing anything with an active alcoholic is extremely hard if you are not one yourself.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but as a woman, I must say you come across as a bit scary. As someone who is addicted to alcohol, but managed to keep herself sober for the last 11 months, complaining about loneliness into day 8 (and you do this a lot) only means you are looking (again) for your usual excuses to drink.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by Surrendered19 
It's hard for folks like us to learn to think things through BABM. It is still a skill that I am working on having never done it once in my first 5.5 decades. But I will tell you that once the practice takes hold and becomes a habit, it is a treasure to have in your toolbox. The ability to see things coming down the road from far away. So much time to think. To adjust, to shift. I'm glad you are sober. I will give you a bit of tough love - sending your ex a necklace and in the same breath telling her that you won't talk to her anymore is sending the most mixed up of messages. Those are the things we need to think through BABM. Not criticizing. Not knowing who we are or whether to scratch our watches or wind our butts is a universal trait among us nag-headed addicts. You are such a smart caring person and I hope you stay sober.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by BackandScared
Sort yourself out and try (really try) to be a better man before trying to get a woman to support you. This necklace things seems totally over the top. Your references to different 'exes' is a constant in your posts. You have often referred to episodes involving exes (not sure if one or more) where you were really not very nice.
None of us is entitled to anybody else's. Loneliness is really hard and most humans feel very lonely very often. But we are not entitled to anybody to fill that gap. It requires lots of effort and real investment to share life with others. Alcohol does not help. Sharing anything with an active alcoholic is extremely hard if you are not one yourself.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but as a woman, I must say you come across as a bit scary. As someone who is addicted to alcohol, but managed to keep herself sober for the last 11 months, complaining about loneliness into day 8 (and you do this a lot) only means you are looking (again) for your usual excuses to drink.
None of us is entitled to anybody else's. Loneliness is really hard and most humans feel very lonely very often. But we are not entitled to anybody to fill that gap. It requires lots of effort and real investment to share life with others. Alcohol does not help. Sharing anything with an active alcoholic is extremely hard if you are not one yourself.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but as a woman, I must say you come across as a bit scary. As someone who is addicted to alcohol, but managed to keep herself sober for the last 11 months, complaining about loneliness into day 8 (and you do this a lot) only means you are looking (again) for your usual excuses to drink.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
As many others (I suspect) I do read much more than I write. And I have read you many times. We all tend to follow patterns. Your issues with women are often there and 'loneliness' as a reason/trigger/whatever you want to call it.
I knew my message was not a nice one to receive and I can be completely wrong. No matter how carefully I try to read the messages of those willing to share here, I do not know you.
Your messages come across (to me) as quite aggressive and entitled in your relationships with women. This is a massive (negative) conclusion to draw from a few messages, even if I have read all your posts. It is also not my style to be this critical. We are all entitled to our feelings and our emotions. What we do with them is what counts. There are no bad thoughts per se. You can have the most horrible feelings. We all do. What we do with these feelings is what defines our time on earth.
My message my hit a nerve or miss the point completely. My intention is to help but I accept that I may have been very unhelpful and I sincerely apologise if this is the case.
What I am telling you is that, from where I watch, you follow a pattern in your behaviour that always ends with you drinking again. So perhaps you can check it out.
I knew my message was not a nice one to receive and I can be completely wrong. No matter how carefully I try to read the messages of those willing to share here, I do not know you.
Your messages come across (to me) as quite aggressive and entitled in your relationships with women. This is a massive (negative) conclusion to draw from a few messages, even if I have read all your posts. It is also not my style to be this critical. We are all entitled to our feelings and our emotions. What we do with them is what counts. There are no bad thoughts per se. You can have the most horrible feelings. We all do. What we do with these feelings is what defines our time on earth.
My message my hit a nerve or miss the point completely. My intention is to help but I accept that I may have been very unhelpful and I sincerely apologise if this is the case.
What I am telling you is that, from where I watch, you follow a pattern in your behaviour that always ends with you drinking again. So perhaps you can check it out.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by BackandScared
What I am telling you is that, from where I watch, you follow a pattern in your behaviour that always ends with you drinking again. So perhaps you can check it out.
Ugh, I'm done. I'm headed away from where I want to be emotionally today.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
I do not think this exchange is useful BABM. I feel the need to say I did not state you were aggressive with women. I said your message came across as quite aggressive in describing your relationship with women. I feel the same way about some content in your last message.
And of course, I can come across as an annoying know-it-all person to you too. It is even possible that it is a fair definition. I have worked in a profession where this kind of human abounds for two decades which suggest that I am likely to fit the category. I don't see how this can help you though.
As I said, it is clear my message was not helpful to you
And of course, I can come across as an annoying know-it-all person to you too. It is even possible that it is a fair definition. I have worked in a profession where this kind of human abounds for two decades which suggest that I am likely to fit the category. I don't see how this can help you though.
As I said, it is clear my message was not helpful to you
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hey now BABM, it causes an old man like me too much stress when two people I respect are fighting. Let's take a breath. So much is lost in translation in this imperfect digital world.
Let me tell you that your words rationally lead to one possible observation that you have very unhealthy relationships with women. It is a theme I've noticed in your writings and I think you should avoid all romantic entanglements like the plague for the next few years. Like BackAndScared said, I could be wrong about all of it. Again, so much is lost in translation. But if you feel enough anxiety, worry, jealousy, disappointment, anger, etc. caused by some of your past relationships to write about it here in the google-sphere, it is a distinct possibility that your partners are feeling all of that in magnified fashion and it might be unsettling. To my point - our pickers are broken and we shouldn't be picking anyone for the time being.
Please stay here and post and tell me I'm wrong, etc., but I beg you to not let your anger ramp up too much.
Let me tell you that your words rationally lead to one possible observation that you have very unhealthy relationships with women. It is a theme I've noticed in your writings and I think you should avoid all romantic entanglements like the plague for the next few years. Like BackAndScared said, I could be wrong about all of it. Again, so much is lost in translation. But if you feel enough anxiety, worry, jealousy, disappointment, anger, etc. caused by some of your past relationships to write about it here in the google-sphere, it is a distinct possibility that your partners are feeling all of that in magnified fashion and it might be unsettling. To my point - our pickers are broken and we shouldn't be picking anyone for the time being.
Please stay here and post and tell me I'm wrong, etc., but I beg you to not let your anger ramp up too much.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by MaximusD
How is it going BABM?
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by Fallow
How are you today BABM?
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Congratulations on 13 days. Let's put on our classics and have a little dance to celebrate!
https://youtu.be/I1jgDDBg_Nc
https://youtu.be/I1jgDDBg_Nc
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Originally Posted by BeABetterMan
Hi Fallow. I’m doing, cautiously, well. Thank you for asking. I’m wrapping up day 13. I’ve had some pretty junky things thrown my way in the past day or so but I’m really keeping my wits. My kids were here for the past 4 days which helps tremendously. I’ve also been putting up some good boundaries with people that aren’t good for me. Anxiety is dying down, activity level is ramping up. I’ve been having some cravings, but so far nothing I can’t deal with. Sleep is still caca. I want to stay sober so bad.
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