nez

I am a chaos and adrenaline junkie so I can relate to peaks and valleys. I can't stand the same old same old. I need change, to stir things up, no monotony. The funny thing I have found out is that recovery is far from monotonous. It is constantly changing. No same old same because something new always comes along. Many times without my permission, so there is no time to get bored and think of it as routine. When I actually think about it, my drinking, now that was monotonous and the same old same old every single time. Stupor.

TiredCarpenter

So glad to hear it, BABM!!

BeABetterMan

It’s 4:00, I haven’t slept and I have to be up for work in three hours. Just sucks.

Resurgence

Hey @BeABettterMan

I'm RS, pleased to meet you.

I see we've both been here since 2014, although I've skulked around under different guises!

Congrats on day 3 - I'm right here with you.

I also relate to the sober-style mania; it's what stops me passing the two-week mark.

Hope work went okay despite the lack of sleep!

Gabe1980

Hey BABM. Hope today at work goes okay for you and your sleeping gets a bit better. You are off to a great start, getting that first couple of days can be so tough. Sending you loads of positive energy today. Gabe x

BeABetterMan

Thanks you. I ended up not sleeping until almost 5:30. Difference is I still dragged my butt out of bed where if I were drinking ...haha, no way. I’ll do my best today and I will not drink.

prettiekittie

I can totally relate to the high after the initial doom of coming off the sauce. I think Dee’s right about the peaks and valleys. It’s just life.

Sorry your sleep is still so off. I’m on the struggle bus regarding sleep too, but I have been an odd sleeper since childhood.

BeABetterMan

Super exhausted but I told myself I’d post every day. Had a productive day considering I slept 4hr23min and 3hr55min the last two night (courtesy of my Fitbit). Was productive at work, ran some errands. Took a nice walk with the clown troop (dogs). Oh, also called my sponsor. We don’t have great chemistry but he is still a great resource. What else...? Oh yeah, my kids will be here tomorrow for 3 and maybe four nights. We don’t have much planned because it’s hotter than a frying pan and my oldest is paranoid about COVID. So we’ll just fart around the house. I can’t complain. It’s when I’m the happiest. Funny stuff though, my oldest went Gluten Free about a year ago. My ex and I thought she’d complain and not follow through. Wrong. She has been 100% GF since the day she said she’s do it. Now some butthole on the internet eas taking about the benefits of being a vegan. Well guess who is a vegan now?! I mean try shopping for Gluten free food, now add vegan to it. It’s impossible. She’s such a ding dong. But her inherent stubbornness and drive that makes her a pain at times also allows her to do anything she puts her mind to.

❤️

nez

I wonder if she got that from her Dad?

DontRemember

"Look, hunny.. I bought you potatoes,beans and salad..if you need me I'll be grilling up some steaks for everyone else...love you!"

I'm joking! Good for her to sticking with it! My daughter has a vegan friend and I always laugh at the difference between their food orders(her friend knows I'm just kidding). Her friend loves it though so,more power to her!

Dee74

I was a vegetarian as a teenager- my family gave me a lot of crap for it but I really believed in in it - I was vego for a good 4-5 years
I was expressing my individuality I guess, which is a normal and I think healthy thing for a teen to do

D

prettiekittie

I was a gluten free vegan for all of four weeks once. I was a vegan for 6 years. I loved it. I still make a lot of vegan food, all told. I think a lot of it tastes better. That said, we had bacon for dinner over here tonight.

nez

I am an omvinvore, I eat anything and everything, however I was a vegetable when I was drinking.

BeABetterMan

I’m in heaven tonight because my kids are here. They were so excited and pleasant and cheerful. My heart is full.

I’ve got some weird stuff going on thinking about my ex-gf since we’ve been talking lately as friends. I feel there is danger there. I need to pull back.

I do t have much else to share today because I’ve got the kids here. Thanks for an the comments

TiredCarpenter

Have a great night.

Gabe1980

Ah that's great, have a really good night with them!

I was a vegan for a year but I find if I am too restrictive with food, I end up obsessing and then drinking. I didn't have the energy to make decent vegan food and just ended up eating falafel, hummus and salad every day Just try to eat as ethically as possible meat wise now.

BeABetterMan

She's already doing great. I'm telling you, this kid has the willpower of someone I've never seen. I stand in awe.

I did want to mention after I got them to bed last night I was struggling with some major anxiety. I don't know what's behind it. No urge to drink associated, but I don't know.

They were PERFECT last night. They are amazing.

BeABetterMan

Another sober day winding down. Why is it SO easy to stay sober when I have the kids?? Maybe I’m not lonely, maybe I’m busy, maybe I am just so happy and enjoy their company so much? Whatever it is I wish I could bottle it.

kids were so great all day. They kept themselves busy while I worked all morning and most of the afternoon. We went on a nice walk with the dogs. I made dinner, we lit off some fireworks, rode the dirtbike and skateboards up and down the street in a nice light rain. Just a solid day like we always have.

They’re all tucked away and my anxiety is peaking like always, but tonight I’m tired and even if I don’t fall asleep until 4am I can sleep in in the morning. So I have no complaints. Already dreading when they leave

Be123

That is quite deep BABM. I hear you that you're still anxious when the kids are there, but you don't experience it til after they're in bed...I guess it's the same with your drinking, it only surfaces when they're not about. My experience is that my anxiety lasted about 10 weeks, getting better bit by bit and has now gone pretty much completely. Sorry if that seems long but it really did get better almost daily.

I reckon use the sober days to recuperate and build resilience for when you're on your own...and congratulations on managing to be a good dad and keeping that going despite your addiction.

TiredCarpenter

BABM: Glad you’re doing well.

I can relate to the anxiety thing. I spent a month in a treatment centre a couple of years back.

I learned there that I had been medicating with alcohol. Crappy.
Concurrent disorder, they called it. I’ve since been told that the label was not correct. Whatever, not important.

Doc has me on an SSRI (something.....serotonin reuptake inhibitor) keeps the serotonin available at the receptor, blah, blah....Anyway....once I got the dosage figured the results for me were quite good. I no longer have to be paralyzed with anxiety on the couch all day.

Mixing alcohol and my anxiety was a hellish death trap for me. Active alcohol use (some call it drinking) would take me to a place of such despair...it was horrible.

Glad that you’re a part of my sober community.
Take care.