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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,097
Wow - thanks for all your kind words and encouragement to stay on the sober bus.
I am suffering some guilt feelings right now. I have a work medical to attend in a couple of weeks as part of the conditions of my employment. They sent some forms for me to complete prior to the medical and I wasn't particularly honest. One question was 'how many alcohol drinks do you have per week?'. I answered zero (which is currently very true). One other question was 'have you ever had an addiction or dependency on drugs or alcohol?' This one I wasn't so honest about and answered no. Apart from my doctor and the SR crew, no one knows about my alcohol dependency and I was reluctant to tell my future employer - just something I am addressing outside of the work environment and I was keen on the label before I even start the job.
Feeling bad about my dishonesty, but a decision that I hope wont come back to bite me - particularly if I can stick to my plan of never drinking again!
Do you think I should be more honest? I can raise it at the medical, but I guess I don't want my past stupidity to get in the way of the future. I've already stuffed up relationships and jobs due to my drinking all day, everyday. I really don't want to do that again.
Advice and thoughts greatly appreciated.
I am suffering some guilt feelings right now. I have a work medical to attend in a couple of weeks as part of the conditions of my employment. They sent some forms for me to complete prior to the medical and I wasn't particularly honest. One question was 'how many alcohol drinks do you have per week?'. I answered zero (which is currently very true). One other question was 'have you ever had an addiction or dependency on drugs or alcohol?' This one I wasn't so honest about and answered no. Apart from my doctor and the SR crew, no one knows about my alcohol dependency and I was reluctant to tell my future employer - just something I am addressing outside of the work environment and I was keen on the label before I even start the job.
Feeling bad about my dishonesty, but a decision that I hope wont come back to bite me - particularly if I can stick to my plan of never drinking again!
Do you think I should be more honest? I can raise it at the medical, but I guess I don't want my past stupidity to get in the way of the future. I've already stuffed up relationships and jobs due to my drinking all day, everyday. I really don't want to do that again.
Advice and thoughts greatly appreciated.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
In a nutshell, I think you answered wisely. First, it is true now - and can keep being!- that you have nothing to drink in a wk. Or at all! And second, even tho my life and recovery are 100% public, on a form such as this, especially in your or anyone else's shoes (ie if I wasn't involved in recovery work), I would not share my history, at least now.
An additional reason I would answer this way is basically bc of privacy, ER right to know things and so on. In the US, things like HIPPA (i always forget if 2 P's or 2 A's, sorry) and HR policies protect our requirements for disclosure. Like an employer cannot inquire in an interview if you are pregnant. Or if you take FMLA (family leave) you do not have to say why in specifics such as "I am going to treatment."
One thing that has come up more than I had thought is that IRL conversations can reveal other's have experience or sympathy first or second hand with us. That's to be best found out face to face, of course.
You are doing great taking all of this one step at a time. Keep it up.
An additional reason I would answer this way is basically bc of privacy, ER right to know things and so on. In the US, things like HIPPA (i always forget if 2 P's or 2 A's, sorry) and HR policies protect our requirements for disclosure. Like an employer cannot inquire in an interview if you are pregnant. Or if you take FMLA (family leave) you do not have to say why in specifics such as "I am going to treatment."
One thing that has come up more than I had thought is that IRL conversations can reveal other's have experience or sympathy first or second hand with us. That's to be best found out face to face, of course.
You are doing great taking all of this one step at a time. Keep it up.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
Hello coz!
Good to see you are still on the sober bus!
Sorry you have to endure those surgeries but if something isn't supposed to be there it's best to get it out.
Sending positive thoughts your way.
RE: job forms
I would have answered exactly as you did. Do not feel guilty. We need to be as honest as possible but not so much it causes negative consequences.
Good to see you are still on the sober bus!
Sorry you have to endure those surgeries but if something isn't supposed to be there it's best to get it out.
Sending positive thoughts your way.
RE: job forms
I would have answered exactly as you did. Do not feel guilty. We need to be as honest as possible but not so much it causes negative consequences.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,097
Reporting in on day 37 - I have made it past the five week mark!
Last night was my work function (that I was rather anxious about) - 'wine and watercolours' followed by dinner at a snazzy bar with a bunch of people I have never met and who will be my work colleagues on Monday. I managed the evening without drinking anything but water despite the huge temptation have a couple of drinks to calm my nerves and 'fit in'. It was challenging, but getting home was more of a challenge. The craving for a drink was really strong. I think I really wanted to relax and numb my brain. So did my usual of reading more threads on SR before I was tired enough to sleep and got through the night without a drink.
Next challenge is going to be after my first day of work on Monday. It has been a bit of a ritual to get home from work and head straight to the fridge for a cold bottle of white wine (which always ended up being way more than one bottle). I'm going to have to come up with a new routine that sets aside the pressures of the day in the office and keeps me sober.
Huge thank you for all the support and encouragement to stick to the plan - it is so appreciated and I know it has made this struggle a lot easier having understanding ether-friends to talk to.
Last night was my work function (that I was rather anxious about) - 'wine and watercolours' followed by dinner at a snazzy bar with a bunch of people I have never met and who will be my work colleagues on Monday. I managed the evening without drinking anything but water despite the huge temptation have a couple of drinks to calm my nerves and 'fit in'. It was challenging, but getting home was more of a challenge. The craving for a drink was really strong. I think I really wanted to relax and numb my brain. So did my usual of reading more threads on SR before I was tired enough to sleep and got through the night without a drink.
Next challenge is going to be after my first day of work on Monday. It has been a bit of a ritual to get home from work and head straight to the fridge for a cold bottle of white wine (which always ended up being way more than one bottle). I'm going to have to come up with a new routine that sets aside the pressures of the day in the office and keeps me sober.
Huge thank you for all the support and encouragement to stick to the plan - it is so appreciated and I know it has made this struggle a lot easier having understanding ether-friends to talk to.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 622
Congrats on 37!
For me, I finally realized life is sooooo much easier and nicer once I accepted I can't drink and that there would be no further mental debates with myself or the AV about drinking.
This freed up more time for other mental debates like, do I want to eat more cookies or whats for dinner.
For me, I finally realized life is sooooo much easier and nicer once I accepted I can't drink and that there would be no further mental debates with myself or the AV about drinking.
This freed up more time for other mental debates like, do I want to eat more cookies or whats for dinner.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,097
Hi soupcon - thanks for asking!
My first day of the new job went OK. Really nice people and a very nice introductory day of meet and greets and a couple of meetings that didn't require much input from me. Got home and decided that I did not need to drink, so distracted myself by planting a couple more herbs in the garden. I love that I am so committed to my sober plan still - it takes a lot of work, but I don't want to go back to where I was and have lots of ammunition against AV in my back pocket. I know that there will be some strong cravings for a drink when I get my first tough day, but I think I have the strength to make it, or at least know the list of things to do instead of pouring a drink.
Tomorrow is my medical appointment - the one that I wasn't completely honest about filling in the pre-appointment paperwork. Hopefully I can get through that without tough questions about my drinking history or about my most recent health issues (I have my appointments for a colonoscopy and a cervical biopsy scheduled for late March and mid-April, and have just had more blood tests for cancer antigen levels - none of which I have mentioned as there are no real results yet).
So here I am on day 39 (yes - still counting days) and feeling great about my commitment and success so far. This forum is great to remind myself about the dangers of being complacent and to know that I am not alone in this battle. The support is soooo fantastic!
My first day of the new job went OK. Really nice people and a very nice introductory day of meet and greets and a couple of meetings that didn't require much input from me. Got home and decided that I did not need to drink, so distracted myself by planting a couple more herbs in the garden. I love that I am so committed to my sober plan still - it takes a lot of work, but I don't want to go back to where I was and have lots of ammunition against AV in my back pocket. I know that there will be some strong cravings for a drink when I get my first tough day, but I think I have the strength to make it, or at least know the list of things to do instead of pouring a drink.
Tomorrow is my medical appointment - the one that I wasn't completely honest about filling in the pre-appointment paperwork. Hopefully I can get through that without tough questions about my drinking history or about my most recent health issues (I have my appointments for a colonoscopy and a cervical biopsy scheduled for late March and mid-April, and have just had more blood tests for cancer antigen levels - none of which I have mentioned as there are no real results yet).
So here I am on day 39 (yes - still counting days) and feeling great about my commitment and success so far. This forum is great to remind myself about the dangers of being complacent and to know that I am not alone in this battle. The support is soooo fantastic!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
Good work on 39 Days coz!
I see you missed 1 of soupcons questions.
Do you have wine in the fridge? I wouldn't recommend it if you do. No need to torture yourself.
If you have dumped it that is awesome.
Good luck at the drs.
I recommend being honest as possible. They are there to help you and can't do it without all the info.
I remember the look on my new Drs face when he read my weekly alcohol intake.😳 I was a little conservative on the # too.
My previous Dr. asked about daily intake. She looked at the chart and asked if I wrote down weekly intake.😳
Neither were judgemental at all. They just asked if I thought I had a problem and suggested I cut back. Which of course I did not do.
Can't wait to tell him 0 drinks per week. 👍
Keep up the good work
I see you missed 1 of soupcons questions.
Do you have wine in the fridge? I wouldn't recommend it if you do. No need to torture yourself.
If you have dumped it that is awesome.
Good luck at the drs.
I recommend being honest as possible. They are there to help you and can't do it without all the info.
I remember the look on my new Drs face when he read my weekly alcohol intake.😳 I was a little conservative on the # too.
My previous Dr. asked about daily intake. She looked at the chart and asked if I wrote down weekly intake.😳
Neither were judgemental at all. They just asked if I thought I had a problem and suggested I cut back. Which of course I did not do.
Can't wait to tell him 0 drinks per week. 👍
Keep up the good work
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,097
Thanks fishkiller
Yes - there is wine in the fridge, vodka in the freezer and a few bottles of other spirits in the cupboard. My hubby is a 'normal' drinker and has continued drinking over the last 39 days when I haven't been. All the alcohol has been available to me since day 1 so I am pretty OK with it - and anyway, the bottle shop is so close that if I wanted to drink, I don't have to go far at all.
Alcohol is in our face just about everywhere and I can't change that, so learning to know that this is my decision to not drink and I need to stick with my plan despite the rest of the world!
The medical tomorrow is not with my doctor (she knows everything), but with the employers contracted medical centre. Fitness for work is a condition of my employment, hence not being completely open with my mental and physical health. I wont be able to lie if asked a direct question, but I am hoping it will just be one of those medicals where they do eye, ear, blood pressure, muscle tone and all those basic fit for work tests and that other health issues are not raised. I am most comfortable using my personal doctor for personal health matters but not sure that any of my past and current health issues really impact on my ability to do my job (particularly if I stay on the sober bus!).
Really appreciate your input and thoughts. Sounds like you are doing really well in your sobriety quest too - many congrats!
Yes - there is wine in the fridge, vodka in the freezer and a few bottles of other spirits in the cupboard. My hubby is a 'normal' drinker and has continued drinking over the last 39 days when I haven't been. All the alcohol has been available to me since day 1 so I am pretty OK with it - and anyway, the bottle shop is so close that if I wanted to drink, I don't have to go far at all.
Alcohol is in our face just about everywhere and I can't change that, so learning to know that this is my decision to not drink and I need to stick with my plan despite the rest of the world!
The medical tomorrow is not with my doctor (she knows everything), but with the employers contracted medical centre. Fitness for work is a condition of my employment, hence not being completely open with my mental and physical health. I wont be able to lie if asked a direct question, but I am hoping it will just be one of those medicals where they do eye, ear, blood pressure, muscle tone and all those basic fit for work tests and that other health issues are not raised. I am most comfortable using my personal doctor for personal health matters but not sure that any of my past and current health issues really impact on my ability to do my job (particularly if I stay on the sober bus!).
Really appreciate your input and thoughts. Sounds like you are doing really well in your sobriety quest too - many congrats!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
Takes a pretty good commitment to resist temptation staring you in the face! Good work!
Very true about alcohol being everywhere.
There are a couple of bottles under our sink also.
I am ok with that also.My wife likes to drink a little also. She, however, has not had a drink since she found out about my quitting. Her choice as I have told her I'm ok if she does.
10-4 on the Dr. situation. I agree with that. I think I now remember discussing this before.
Thanks for noticing my progress also. We are all in this together!
Very true about alcohol being everywhere.
There are a couple of bottles under our sink also.
I am ok with that also.My wife likes to drink a little also. She, however, has not had a drink since she found out about my quitting. Her choice as I have told her I'm ok if she does.
10-4 on the Dr. situation. I agree with that. I think I now remember discussing this before.
Thanks for noticing my progress also. We are all in this together!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,097
I haven't posted for a little while. I'm doing OK. Just over 2 months now. Life is busy and at times and I wonder why I can't just be a normal drinker, but hanging in there (but determination not as strong as previously).
My new job is keeping me busy, but I also feel like I have been thrown in the deep end. COVID has meant a work from home environment with zero support and high expectations. Normally I would love the challenge, but we are on notice for stand downs if there are any further work restrictions. I am really thinking that I will be the first to go and the financial hot will not be great. Escapism through wine is so tempting!
Can't help hoping that bottle shops will be added to the non-essential list of retailers. I'm not sure that I am enjoying life without the booze as much as I was a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully this will pass really soon or I think I am at risk of going backwards.
Hope all in the SR world are OK and coping through these unusual times. Just remember (as I remind myself daily), that drinking is not going to solve the impact of a virus on anyone.
My new job is keeping me busy, but I also feel like I have been thrown in the deep end. COVID has meant a work from home environment with zero support and high expectations. Normally I would love the challenge, but we are on notice for stand downs if there are any further work restrictions. I am really thinking that I will be the first to go and the financial hot will not be great. Escapism through wine is so tempting!
Can't help hoping that bottle shops will be added to the non-essential list of retailers. I'm not sure that I am enjoying life without the booze as much as I was a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully this will pass really soon or I think I am at risk of going backwards.
Hope all in the SR world are OK and coping through these unusual times. Just remember (as I remind myself daily), that drinking is not going to solve the impact of a virus on anyone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
Thanks for the update coz!
I too have been slacking on my SR time and my attitude reflects it as yours does.
I too am not in as happy of a place as a few weeks ago.
It is definitely stress induced for me as it seems for you also.
We just gotta keep pushing through and come out on the other end stronger, sober and grateful we made it.
If it gets too much start another post saying so. It always helps to get it out.
Good luck with work and hang in there
I too have been slacking on my SR time and my attitude reflects it as yours does.
I too am not in as happy of a place as a few weeks ago.
It is definitely stress induced for me as it seems for you also.
We just gotta keep pushing through and come out on the other end stronger, sober and grateful we made it.
If it gets too much start another post saying so. It always helps to get it out.
Good luck with work and hang in there
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