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Old 02-02-2020, 12:55 PM
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The anxiety & temptations will ease up at some point, Coz. You won't always feel this vulnerable. Congrats on staying with it & being determined.
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Old 02-02-2020, 01:31 PM
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Well done Coz.

You've inspired me. Out to do some gardening.

Day 49 for me Coz.
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Old 02-02-2020, 01:46 PM
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Thanks SR family!

Gotta say this is hard work, made easier with SR at my fingertips for guidance and support.

Day 4 here we go. A lovely day here today (albeit probably going to be a little on the hot side) so some more outdoor time today. Some more gardening and I might have a go at mowing the lawn. Hubby usually mows the lawn, but he has been away for a couple of weeks and it really needs doing. The lawn mower has some tricks to getting started and I have never done it, so have been putting it off as don't want to be frustrated with myself for not being able to start it. So thinking I will try, and if it doesn't work, I'll just leave it looking messy until hubby gets home. Not worth the stress over a bit of grass!

Feeling a little better this morning. Still have the shakes, but not as bad as the last few days. Still a bit tingly, nut mostly in hands and feet again. Headache hanging in there despite the huge amount of water I am drinking. A little sleep deprived and brain is still very fuzzy. Lovely to see the withdrawal effects gradually reducing though. I figure that by the end of tomorrow, if all still improves, I will feel more confident that I have escaped DT seizures (which was one of the main reasons that I was afraid of quitting).

Hope everyone has a lovely day and sending the biggest thanks for helping me get this far.
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Old 02-02-2020, 03:08 PM
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Great update and I like your lawnmower philosophy
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Old 02-03-2020, 03:53 PM
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Great to read your progressive posts Coz. I joined the Class of March '16 when I first joined SR and access SR- and the COM thread (and others I contribute too in the Newcomer's forum) daily. Have only missed a few days in these years- for travel, power probs..etc...- it is now what I do- after waking, is to sit at my very old computer with a coffee and do stuff here. It really helps.
Support to you.
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Old 02-03-2020, 05:37 PM
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Thanks Phoenix

Really appreciate your words. It is rather lonely at times, which I think seems exacerbated by the random emotions and high-level sensitivity about what others are seeing in you.

I think the loss of relationships with family and friends over the years puts some big dents in self-confidence about being a person that can be tolerated or liked. Probably adds to the agoraphobic fears of leaving the house too.

So day 5 for me now. I'm still finding it tough, but feeling better each day.
I'm starting to eat again and spending some bits of the day being active.
I managed to mow the lawns yesterday which was a great achievement given our temperamental mower.

Aim for today is to prepare a little herb garden in the backyard and do a bit of house cleaning in preparation for hubby getting home tomorrow.

I am sort of happy that he is coming home, but also a bit worried that my old routine of having a drink with him at the end of the day (in addition to all the other drinks during the day which I hid from him) might be a trigger for me. At the moment, he doesn't know that I have quit drinking and trying to tell him is causing a bit of stress. Frustrated to be worrying about him coming home, as I should be excited instead.

Apologies that this post sounds a bit negative. Just a bit anxious, sensitive and doughy all at once.

Hope everyone has a great sober day today!

Maybe when I am better, I might fit in somewhere in this society.
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Old 02-03-2020, 06:26 PM
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You don't sound negative, Coz. You'll go through many phases as you heal. It's normal to be emotional & the tendency to overthink is common. I know I did. Everything got better as I continued to get some sober time accrued. 5 days is wonderful. Things will fall into place - please be patient with yourself.
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Old 02-04-2020, 03:37 AM
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Not at all negative. Negative to me- is when a person reports on how they are- from the standpoint of being helpless and a victim. In some instances- that is altogether appropriate, but no- you are not being negative. You are telling it how it is.
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Old 02-04-2020, 03:43 AM
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Coz thanks for the updates...I am happy you are doing well.
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Old 02-04-2020, 03:45 AM
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Good going coz!
Dont worry too much about the emotions.
I all but had an emotional breakdown about 2 weeks in.
All over the past and things I have no control over.

I'm All good for now so I say ride it out, you will be fine
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Old 02-04-2020, 03:51 AM
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Coz, you are doing very well. Your only goal is to not drink today. Don't worry about tomorrow.
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Old 02-04-2020, 07:58 AM
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Will your husband be supportive if you say you are abstaining from alcohol? Has he ever expressed concern about your drinking in the past? Maybe he will decide to join you in a dry February so not to trigger you.
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Old 02-04-2020, 01:43 PM
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Hi from me on day 6 - and again a huge thank you for posting on my thread. It sure makes it less lonely!

Day 5 was OK. Very lazy and unmotivated, but I did manage a bit of gardening. Mostly weeding, but started on my herb garden which now has two herbs in it. I also set up a seed germinating set up to grow some more herbs, veges and flowers.

Best bit about getting through day 5 is that I now feel confident that seizures are off the table and it is just the remaining withdrawal symptoms and cravings to deal with. I am taking a low dose benzo at night time, which I think is why I am so non-motivated and lazy. I'll take them for two more nights then drop them too. Certainly don't need another addiction and would like to wake up less groggy and lazy. They aren't helping me get a good night sleep, which isa shame.

Hubby gets home this arvo, so need to do a trip to the airport (about 45 minutes from here). House is a bit of a shambles, so might need to put an effort into making it look a bit neater this morning around another doctors appointment.

Soupcon - I know he will be supportive. He doesn't ever complain about anything that I do and is very caring. It is me that doesn't want to admit to him that I have a problem and I'm fixing it. I also need to talk to him about all my other medical issues which I have kept to myself given that he was watching his mother die and I didn't need him to worry about me at the same time.
I'll leave it to him to decide if he wants to join me for the rest of February. We still have alcohol in the house, so he can have a drink if he wants. This is my battle and I will need to learn to be OK around people that drink at some point. Biggest issue is the late afternoon routine of sitting on the veranda with a drink and talking about the day (or in the case of today, the last two weeks). I hope that he will join me in a herbal tea or non-alcoholic ginger beer instead, but he has had an emotional couple of weeks and will be happy to be home and relax.

Thanks again to all the SR family that have supported me. I know it is still very early days, but I am doing great - just need to keep it up forever!
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Old 02-04-2020, 04:16 PM
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day 6 is great Coz
D
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Old 02-05-2020, 01:39 PM
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Day 7 today - just thinking that at the end of today, I will have made a whole week which is (for me) a great achievement.

Shakes, tingling and head ache are still manifesting themselves, but greatly improved from the previous days. Still don't look any better in the mirror - red eyes, blotchy skin, skinny arms but fat belly, and not smiling as much as usual. I'm sure that will all change in time, but it would be great to see some physical rewards soon!

Hubby came home and offered to pour me a stiff one. I mentioned that I was having a dry February so a nice glass of cold water would be perfect. His reaction was a bit of shock and just asked 'why?'. My response was that I have drinking a bit too much lately and feel like my body needs a break for a while. He was OK with that, but he still had a few drinks. Good bit about that is that I was quite OK watching him have a drink while I was on the water. Not as hard as I expected.

We had an excellent rain shower last night so the creek is flowing and the ground nice and wet. So a bit more gardening today - still have a few more plants to put in and weeding might be easier in the damp ground.

Hope everyone has a great sober day. I'll be sneaking in for a read and or/post when the opportunity arises.

Thanks to all again - and that is said in all sincerity.
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Old 02-05-2020, 02:39 PM
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Congrats on your week Coz

D
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Old 02-05-2020, 02:50 PM
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A whole week! That's great news, Coz.
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Old 02-05-2020, 02:54 PM
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A week is fantastic. Keep it rolling!!!
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Old 02-05-2020, 03:34 PM
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well done! Dry February-how did you come up with that
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Old 02-05-2020, 03:58 PM
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Wow, Cos! I am so proud of you! Huge congratulations on your week.
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