Mags1

Morning Weekenders

It certainly is autumnal outdoors.

Trojanhorse, I can relate about the humour. I had plenty of it when drinking...and getting sober was a shell shock to my body, it took a while to get to a happy state...and the humour and laughter did return.

Kaily

I have been thinking about this subject since the thread opened yesterday. Worryingly I couldn't come up with anything as my life has yet to change.

I didn't get sober until last year at the age of 55. By then all my friendships, relationships and health were ruined. I am a work in progress but feel a need to keep myself safe. That means avoiding people getting close to me in any shape or form. This in turn leads to feeling lonely/alone.

I have yet to learn to trust myself, never mind others.

I do have a great sense of pride in getting sober. It was excruciatingly hard. A fight with myself like no other. I did it on my own. I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

Little glimmers of good times come. A nice example is my day trip to the seaside a few weeks ago. Such a big deal for me. To drive myself as my alcoholic brain thinks I'm not capable. To go on my own when the easy option is to stay home alone. A sense of freedom and achievement.

Its not perfect but it is progress.

andyh

morning weekenders. Happy Friday. I'm a bit late to the party this week.

thanks for the thread Mags. definitely feeling autumnal here - my favourite season. I have to watch myself at this time of year for "seasonal" triggers & associations I have with the cooler days & night drawing in. I seem to get them worst Summer going into Autumn.

PhoenixJ

Kaily- I was 52, and not through choice (in some ways). when I sobered.


I find myself feeling pleasure and gratitude for things now (like going to the beach) which before would have been passé, or just in the way of drinking.

STDragon

I'm 55 now and will be coming up on three years sober in just over a months time. I'm happy to say that I still find gratitude in small things. Like the other evening at ukestra practice: Paying for my pizza snack with cash out of my pocket.

That may sound silly to some, but I rarely had cash in my pocket as it all went to booze. I needed to count all my pennies, constantly calculate the return value of my cans and regulate debit transactions (so wife and family would not 'find out'). All the while ensuring I had enough beer stocked up to 'survive' tomorrow where the counting and scheming would start all over.

dpac414

Kaily, I think you should be proud of yourself. And while it may feel lonely at times, I think it's also important to give yourself a safe place to grow and heal. It's like a crab who has shed it's shell and must regrow a whole new one from the soft flesh underneath. You can't go out too soon or risk getting hurt.

But it is important to know when you're ready. It feels comfy in the safe zone, but in order to continue growing you have to dip your toe in. I dunno.....just my thoughts on the topic, and everyone is different. I could be way off for your situation.

I don't really believe in god or anything, but I always think that whatever synapse in my dumb brain fired just right to have the thought to stop drinking, find this website, find the courage to go to AA....maybe that's god. I'm 25, I have so much time, and something somewhere allowed me to save my own life.

Amazing, really.

Have a wonderful Friday, everyone.

Trojanhorse

Gosh I can relate, I bought all my booze with cash, counting it every minute to see when I could get the next bottle. I used debit to pull it out and every now and then my wife would look at the statement and have questions. That led to a fight. This cycle went on for years, the damage I did, terrible. But now its done, and I agree its nice to have cash in you pocket to spend on positive things.

Trojanhorse

Kaily you are doing so well, what a great accomplishment o be clean for a year. I had a five year span when I didn't drink and I remember it took a long time to get back to a life without booze. You are in recovery and life will fill out, I promise.

MesaMan

.
Funky Friday, 'Ficianados ~

Seeing as how I garnered most all my Sober Wisdom from SR Denizens, it is likely that a Pundit here conveyed what I believe: When you get Sober, you circle back to what/who you were as a KId/Young Adult. Simple Truth, IMO. Our Core Values shine again. Varied Interests reemerge with Sobriety allowing us to pursue again what we love. We treat others, and ourselves, well. As goes a fav Bumper Sticker:

It's Never Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood

One nice aspect of this Stasis is that the re-emergent Self happily pursuing a reinvigorated Life becomes The New Normal. A new Standard. I find this condition alluring enough to stomp down any transient, rare urges to revert back to my old, sotted ways. Just no interest in any of that. Sobriety thus perpetuates itself over time.

Today, we head down to Town for Lunch out, and to the Bank to cash out a crapton of Savings Bonds given us Decades ago by my FIL. The Money will go toward a new, small Tractor with all req'd Implements, and toward House Projects. The biggest need being self-maintenance of our really long Rural Driveway. Mebbe a load of Laundry later, since I have 4 legged help come time to empty the Clothes Dryer.

Speaking of dressing well, check out the Sartorial Splendor in this Vid...

~ 'Fire' ~ Ohio Players ~

Mags1

I like that saying MesaMan

It's Never Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood

MesaDog is so clever!

WeThinkNot

Yes that is a good saying, I had never thought of it like that before.

Tetrax

Even though I am going through a rough spot and relatively early on in my recovery I am definitely feeling this. In just a few months there's been nothing major gone on externally, but still a whole new series of memories made, where booze was nowhere to be seen. New people met (e.g. at meetings) who I now know and have only ever known sober. The alcohol-soaked memories now really feel further back in my mind, making it easier to appreciate what is now fast becoming my new normal, sober, state.

saoutchik

Hometime, here comes the weekend and i'm glad of it. My customers have been changing their specsifications on various orders this week which meant I had to get our people to change what they were doing. That sort of thing does not win you any popularity contests.

Me too. I just did a rough calculation and I reckon that in the circa 4 years 8 months I've been sober I have saved roughly £12,000 purely on booze.

Kaily, i'm really proud of getting sober too. Same reason - it was v.hard to do but nowhere near so hard as the earlier times I had tried and failed.

Like with MesaMan I have noticed some of the pre drunk me reasserting itself. I am more enthusiastic about things than I was when I was drinking. Partly that's down to having more energy I expect.

ManInTheArena

Hello again weekenders. This was such a great thread over the long weekend. Happy to sign up the coming one - looking forward to it

Mags1

Hi MITA good to see you.

Awake61

So sad right now. I let the worm in yesterday after letting my husband convince me a glass of wine is nothing and I should be able to do it. HA. Day one today. Grateful to come here. Embarrassed on being such a repeat offender. Changing up my plan again.

Mags1

Awake, Glad you was able to come back. I don’t know how I would’ve fared if my husband had drank in front of me when I was newly sober.

Forwards

Hi Weekenders. Checking in once again and very grateful to be here...

Thanks for the thread Mags. What have I become after booze? Well it has only been 8 months and I'm taking things slowly. I'm finding that all my old interests are gradually starting to return - photography, music, science etc. etc. I've allocated myself a hobby budget to cover these. It still works out much less than I was spending on booze (I've saved £3600 so far...) and is making my life richer by the day. As Mesa says, I'm circling back to where I was as a young adult.

Thankfully some of these interests coincide with my work (software engineering) so I've also been able to start to rebuilding my career and that has been hard work but hugely satisfying. To others here early on, do try to find an interest and pursue it - it really helps to quell the AV...

Socially though I'm still very cautious. I'm still learning who I am and this is, dare I say it, a little bit scary. I'm not yet really ready to present 'new me' to the world. I'm hoping I'll like what I find going forwards. In the meantime, as Tetrax suggests I'm building happy alcohol free memories as I test my sober strength. So far, so good...

Warm wishes to all as always. Forwards.

Rose335

I don't know if I'm really qualified to comment here since I am just starting week 12 but here goes. I'd say my biggest emotional change is that I've come to quite like myself. Not that I go around thinking that(!) but having given this thread topic some thought I realise how much I disliked myself in my drinking days. That isn't too extreme: I was really sick of waking up again and again and realising - again and again - that I truly despised myself for apparently terminally failing to stop buying, and drinking, a bottle of wine every day. As it happens I don't think self- hatred is very useful as a motivator for stopping drinking. I think a calm appraisal of why that bottle of wine was so irresistible and how that could be changed is more constructive.

But it terms of answering the question I think that's the big one for me. I'm also more patient, less touchy and less ready to jump to offence, and calmer. And I'm definitely very grateful, not least because I'm not young and I don't need to shorten my life! Typing this reminds me how essential it is not to forget all this. Important note to self....

Thanks for a great thread as always Mags. Best to all weekenders.

saoutchik

Glad you're back in sober reality Awake, it must be difficult when you have a drinking partner, especially if they don't want you to get sober. I was not in that situation so i'm not speaking from experience but I think you will just have to be firm with your husband.

Well done on your sober times Forwards and Rose and they are definitely long enough to comment.

I hope you are well biminiblue

I had a rare triumph at Crazy Golf tonight. The place we go was holding a tournament in a doubles format and I was carried by my partner into qualifying for next week's final. Watch out Tiger/Rory etal!

Time to raise the drawbridge at Saoutchik Towers. Enjoy Friday evening!