biminiblue

dpac, you make quite a few observations that are like this one:

There is definitely a little FOMO involved in quitting drinking, but I never looked at it as, "I can't." I looked at it as, "I choose not to any more." Because, of course I Can. I just know it's a really bad idea. So why would doing something (or in this case NOT doing something) that I know is a bad idea cause me to be angry? It is of my own Free Will that I choose not to drink. Yours too. I didn't go through that grief, but I know others do. I was super glad to be done with it. I used my last Free Pass with alcohol and I'm not getting any further tickets for that ride.

When you get a spare few minutes, I think you'd like reading through this thread in the Secular Exploration of Different Recovery Methods subforum:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-scheeren.html ("The Freedom Model for Addictions" by Slate and Scheeren)

...and there's a Part 2:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tions-2-a.html (The Freedom Model for Addictions - 2)

The author of the Freedom Method makes an appearance and writes a few posts in there, too. It's interesting and I think if you could flip your perspective it might help.

In therapy they call it "reframing."

theVman31

Salutations

andyh

^^ what Bim said. I can choose to drink if I want - I have a pretty good idea of what will happen if I do - but I choose not to.

PhoenixJ

DP- overthinking in isolation was a big trigger for me. Seeing your therapist and meetings, if nothing else will help recharge your recovery batteries. I need to do this daily, and like you plan- by using SR every day.

Trojanhorse

Hump day tomorrow, hang in there everyone. If you feel those cravings put on some tennis, the match between Federer and Dmitriov is outstanding entertainment.

Stay clean. Keep looking inward, that's where we will find the answers we need.

tkr

saoutchik

Morning Weekenders, Happy Dromedary Day.

Good to see you AndyH.

Autumn has arrived here in the UK. dpac there are some good recipes for non-alcoholic fruit punch using cloves to give it a bit of bite. I made some last year ot was pretty good.

PhoenixJ

Tail end of hump day here- just another day, which is a good thing, sober.

Mags1

Morning Weekenders

It’s wet and cold in this part of U.K. too! I don’t like the dark nights and mornings. I do like stew and dumplings though and treacle sponge and custard.

When I first stopped drinking for the last time, I had to avoid so many places, tv programmes, shops because of triggers. Slowly in time, like a clenched fists can’t stay clenched forever, it became easier, it became so it wasn’t a problem to me anymore.

Kaily

Morning all,

Dpac I am sure you will be fine. These moments come and go. Just got to be extra vigilant when you feel vulnerable. By the way, your Mum sounds lovely and very supportive.

Lots of rain here. I still have the dripping water on next doors tin BBQ driving me mad. All night. I must find a way to broach the subject tactfully...

My therapy group stopped for August, restarts today. I am reserved and don't like sharing in that setting. Yet I feel I need to talk to someone. It is frustrating.

Oh yeah what Bim and Andy said. We can all drink as much as we like but we have chosen not to. That's why we are here in the sobriety club.

Happy Wednesday all.

saoutchik

You're not wrong about the rain Kaily. I just has to walk to work in it as the Northern Line is down. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

STDragon

Rump day?

STDragon

I couldn't even walk the dog without thinking about it. I nearly did everything with a few in me. But the more I walked the dog (sober), the more it became normal.

dpac414

Thank you everyone for all the support and advice. I definitely plan on putting things to action. Therapy and AA will help today, as PJ said, to recharge my recovery batteries. It's been too long.

I've been pretty successful in reframing for the most part in tons of activities - I don't drink because I know what will happen if I do and I intend to actually have a good time instead of a drunk time. I'll just have to find some good fall flavors to try that aren't alcoholic.

What honestly set me off on this whole thing was a friend of mine posted all of the new Pumpking flavors in our group chat and they were talking about going to Southern Tier to taste all of them. So I felt a little sad that I couldn't go. That would be possibly the worst situation to put myself in, lol. But there's tons of other stuff I get to do with them this fall.

But again, thank you for all the advice. I feel a little bad hardly participating and then barging in with my problems, but I guess what is this forum for, if not that exact thing. It's wednesday, I have a pumpkin spice starbucks drink, and life is good today.

biminiblue

Good to hear, dpac. I didn't see it as barging, you're a valued participant in this thread.

Once I made it past one full year of, "Aww, I would love to have [enter festive cocktail here ]" it became a lot easier. I can now go anywhere and not worry about it. It just isn't an option to consider.

biminiblue

I just looked up Southern Tier, yeah, there's no need for me to be at a brewery unless it's to have some amazing burger.

I get it about missing the camaraderie while drinking, but how many of those friends are going to go on to drink all night and wake up sick? I just have no desire to be in that atmosphere, the conversations get repetitive and argumentative, the danger of drinking and driving - so many negatives, no positives. Except that burger.

I go to pubs for the food now, and leave after people start getting annoying.

dpac414

Me too, honestly, and Southern Tier does have some amazing pulled pork nachos, but I can get those elsewhere too. Too dangerous to pretend like I'm going just for the nachos.

Thanks Bim.

biminiblue

mmmm pulled pork nachos.

I used to work in a TGIF, and there are many people who don't drink. More people don't drink than there are people who drink too much, even in a brewery/bar situation. The people who drink too fast really are the exception to the rule. Not drinking at all is more common than you might think (even in a bar/brewery,) but then I'm guessing you have created a circle of friends who drink quite a bit. That's kind of what we do, eh?

Keepa go.

dpac414

These friends *can* drink quite a bit, but tend to only do so on special occasions. They're more of a "one beer while watching TV together" type drinkers, if at all.

The group of friends I cut off.....they were problem drinkers. I don't miss any of them. They were all kinda terrible people, to be honest.

PhoenixJ

There is no barging in. These groups are for sharing our emotions, our fears as well as our triumphs. That is the beauty of this sort of support. I have learned a lot about myself through the words of others (always positive- always learning).

trachemys

I've lived in many houses with tin roofs. The sound of rain on tin is like a lullaby.