Trojanhorse

Howdy folks, enjoy reading this thread it is quite inspiring how far many of you have come. I'm on day 17 and just starting my journey. I have been on this road before and made 5 years before falling back into the beast clutches. I must get out and stay out once again.

Tetrax stay on a clean road, we all know where the other one leads.

Look forward to more posts tkr.

Mags1

Hi Trojanhorse, welcome to Weekenders (we’re here all week too!) wow 5 years sober, that was some achievement.
There’s so much help and years of wisdom on SR to help you stay sober.
Congratulations on day 17.

saoutchik

Welcome to Weekenders FitDrinker!

Congratulations on 17 days Trojanhorse!

Kaily

Morning all,

Dpac and Tetrax probably time to up your posting while having idealistic thoughts of drinking. You are vulnerable and it needs nipping in the bud before it escalates.

I was struggling the other day so created my own thread about exactly how I was feeling. Even just writing it was therapeutic. Then the understanding and support was amazing. I was letting stuff overwhelm me.

Bim each to their own but I would pay not to go to a rodeo. Animal brutality used as entertainment in my book is wrong. It sounds like it wasn't really your cup of tea either.

FitDrinker or maybe it should be FitNonDrinker well done surviving the weekend ~ Now lets talk more about this nutella pie you mention....❤

Trojanhorse here's to another 5 years and beyond.

Me, still have sofa wars going on. Got a cold. Grateful after a very close call to be sober.

PhoenixJ

Some my art going up for a month long exhib'n at the hospital with the Burns Unit.

Kaily

Exciting times Phoenix.

STDragon

PJ, Are they going to get little white description cards with prices tags or a secret auction box? Would you ever consider selling one or two?

FitNonDrinker

Yes, can someone tell me how to change my name PLEASE!!!!!

FitNonDrinker

Thank you for the name change Dee!

Tetrax

Thanks for the shout outs peeps. Today I woke up going on Facebook and remembering all the c**p I used to post on there when drinking. It wasn't pretty. And the anxiety was even worse. Nowadays it just makes for another part of my playing the tape through, 'cause it would for sure happen again. The tape has so many bad things. SO MANY BAD THINGS!

Feeling determined again.

biminiblue

Tetrax ya know what they say - "Something bad doesn't always happen when I drink, but when something bad does happen I've been drinking." That about covers it.

Facebook. I got off there in 2010. I don't miss it one little bit. I still have an account because so many things are linked in there, but I don't go to my own page or post anything or read the stuff on my page or other peoples' personal pages, just the things I have to know about. My privacy settings are set to the max possible and I don't even open private messages on there.

I love the new handle, FitNonDrinker!

PhoenixJ

STD- each art piece has a narrative (transparent background, I think). I had not envisaged any being for sale- they are expressive rather than quality art works.

dpac414

I'm not sure if I'm having idealistic thoughts of drinking per se, maybe more anger at the fact that I know I can't have it. Is that the same? Either way it's troubling.

I know how I'll feel if I drink, I know what will happen and the kinds of **** I'll pull. This past year has been incredible, and I can't throw it away for some garbage liquid that's never done me any favors.

I am going to up my posting though. I have to. I think maybe I also need to cut back on some things, as I'm so busy and have no time for myself, and stress is starting to really creep up on me. I don't know. Maybe I'm not ready for grad school. But I have to do *something* in order to move forward in my life.

I guess just feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. I think I'm going to start a personal thread in the alcoholism forum to post every day just to get some of these feelings out. I also skipped AA last week because I wasn't feeling well and haven't had therapy in more than two weeks due to the holiday. Tomorrow is both of those things, so I'm hoping it'll help ground me a little more.

I don't know. I think my moods are really affected by my hormones and cycle, cuz I've noticed I have highs and lows during certain points in that whole thing. Maybe I'm bipolar. Who knows anymore.

I really do appreciate all of you, though. It's amazing to be able to come here and talk about all this stuff with people who truly understand. I don't think I feel on the edge of drinking or close to a relapse, but I think I am becoming complacent and the frequency of drinking thoughts as of late is worrying.

I'm not going to drink today, that I know for certain. That's all that matters right now.

biminiblue

dpac, modern life is stressful, truly. I think all of us can get the overwhelms, and not just those of us who may or may not have psyche diagnoses.

I've thought or been told I have all kinds of diagnoses. Depends on who I ask or which website I read. You sound pretty normal to me. Let's go with that!

I don't know, I can get all spun out over one sentence on a website describing some thing or another and decide I've got every mental defect known to woman. Just yesterday I had to say to myself, "Whelp, that's enough internet for today, missy," after reading some thing that was linked in Friends and Family.

No, I'm fine. I just need to mind my thinking.

Tetrax

This is pretty much how I feel. The post-quitting plateau, I guess. Past = bad. Future = unknown. Action = ???

biminiblue

For me in early sobriety my #1 most important Action was figuring out how to stay in This Moment and to focus on positive ways to maintain an even keel emotionally.

It took time to physically recover - and then there are all those excuses for why I drank - I had to find other ways to cope with that stuff.

A lot of it for me is purposefully changing what I think about. Not inviting those negative things in for tea. The thoughts come up, I say, "Hm. Hi. Out you go."

saoutchik

Good name change FitNonDrinker!

Well done there PhoenixJ! That's quite an impressive looking gallery too.

Hang in there dpac. I would try identify if there are any any recurring patterns in those times you idealise drinking and I am not particularly talking about hormones although that might be a factor, I was talking about times of the day or interactions with others that might act as triggers. I suppose the Weekenders thread itself is set up to help with one recurring pattern, that of Friday evening followed by two days off not going in to work.

dpac414

Yeah, it seems to be in situations where either I used to drink, or feel like I should be able to. My home really isn't a trigger anymore, but going places is still tough. I've been doing a lot lately so I think my mental exhaustion maybe has something to do with it.

But I was at my mom's yesterday and that always triggers me a little bit, because we would always drink together (I would get so ****** up in "secret"). I told her the extent of my problems and they don't drink around me anymore - yesterday we made fun seltzer infused drinks with aromatics and that was nice. My mom's SO even substituted out the orange liquer in the dessert for something else.

Also, it's fall, which means mulled wine, pumpkin beer, and hard apple cider, all of which I actually like the taste. But I can get those things without alcohol. Hot apple cider, pumpkin juice, mulled cider, etc. I know I have to be careful. I know. I guess I'm just angry that I can't taste any of it. But that taste would ignite that flame and it's itching for any ammo right now.

I think I need to work to establish new traditions and habits during this time of year and I'll be okay. And not put myself anywhere near where I might be able to drink. I'll be okay. I will not relapse.

SoberLeigh

Greetings and love, all.

So happy to say that Dorian has spared.

Many prayers for those in the Bahamas.

saoutchik

Good to see you SoberLeigh!