Sober Road of Recovery through another Weekend - Weekenders 30 August - 02 September 2019
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Welcome to Weekenders sodasoba, you too MITA - good to see you.
Great pics VMan
A few light clouds have appeared now but when I was by the canal earlier it was completely cloudless. I was glad of my sunglasses.
Great pics VMan
A few light clouds have appeared now but when I was by the canal earlier it was completely cloudless. I was glad of my sunglasses.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,060
Hi everyone, a busy thread this weekend. Welcome to any newcomers.
Hope your co worker is recovering STDragon.
I am feeling out of sorts. Very much so. I have been obsessing over things that have nothing to do with me. I don't have any control of it. Like I want to fix everything. Anything from other peoples dogs that I think aren't happy to things I read here on SR that I think aren't right. The thoughts go round and round in my head driving me mad.
I have also have been acting impulsively which is always a sign my mental health is off kilter. I am scared it will decline as it has done before. I know when I am vulnerable, withdrawing and acting out of character.
Anyway due to that I have a new second hand sofa arriving in a few hours time. It is coming 130 miles so needless to say I haven't even actually seen it in real life. I can't afford it nor do I have room for it. It sorta just happened, can't explain.
So that's me at the mo. Susceptible.
Hope your co worker is recovering STDragon.
I am feeling out of sorts. Very much so. I have been obsessing over things that have nothing to do with me. I don't have any control of it. Like I want to fix everything. Anything from other peoples dogs that I think aren't happy to things I read here on SR that I think aren't right. The thoughts go round and round in my head driving me mad.
I have also have been acting impulsively which is always a sign my mental health is off kilter. I am scared it will decline as it has done before. I know when I am vulnerable, withdrawing and acting out of character.
Anyway due to that I have a new second hand sofa arriving in a few hours time. It is coming 130 miles so needless to say I haven't even actually seen it in real life. I can't afford it nor do I have room for it. It sorta just happened, can't explain.
So that's me at the mo. Susceptible.
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,683
Kaily, it’s good you recognise the signs. It was my job to fix the world but I’ve stepped down now, it’s too much for one person to be master of the universe. It took me a while and I still want to help with things that out of my reach sometimes which I can’t, but I’m able to put it in perspective.
Stay close when you’re struggling. Hope you like your sofa.
xx
Stay close when you’re struggling. Hope you like your sofa.
xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 15
Got through Friday! Went the gym, home about 7.30pm, had something to eat and drank two large glasses of blackcurrant and soda with ice while watching a movie. Wasn’t too bad. I had strong cravings to get som booze in the early afternoon yesterday, but that passed and no booze was consumed which I’m very happy about this morning.
Noe to smash through Saturday - Feeling strong.
Have a lovely day everyone x
Noe to smash through Saturday - Feeling strong.
Have a lovely day everyone x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,327
Well it's especially nice waking up hangover-free today after that barrage from the old AV the past couple days. I guess it's good to be tested from time to time, to not let myself get too complacent and all.
Drinking now would be a dangerous backwards step. I'm trying to move forwards.
Happy Saturday all.
Drinking now would be a dangerous backwards step. I'm trying to move forwards.
Happy Saturday all.
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,761
Good morning and happy Saturday. It's miserable and rainy outside. Will be visiting Mrs Dragons new office in a high rise tower, they recently moved into. Three whole floors 20+ stories up. All new high tech stuff, rising desks, moving walls, auto frosting glass, noise canceling systems, ambient light detection the list goes on....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Tetrax, I had 100% faith in you. 
Kaily, I have to be very careful with my codependent tendencies. Codependency is what initially brought me into recovery in 1989, I learned it at my mother's knee and when I was in my early thirties I could no longer deal with people at all. I just could not handle any of my relationships and I was always trying to save everyone and everything and keep everyone happy. It's exhausting, and it's not my job, like Mags said.
I have very little actual control of things outside my own head, so it did make sense to me to focus my efforts on the things I could change; like my controlling nature, my need to fix, my inability to let things go that weren't mine. I had to dig way back into my family history to find out where all that came from. It was making me miserable and it became obsessive.
This time around when I quit drinking I had to address some of that again, but that was because alcohol really messed with my cognitive processes and then I went to recovery meetings and if ever there were a group of people with boundary issues...it would be a room full of alcohol/drug abusers. We are notoriously bad with boundaries.
Kaily, I have to be very careful with my codependent tendencies. Codependency is what initially brought me into recovery in 1989, I learned it at my mother's knee and when I was in my early thirties I could no longer deal with people at all. I just could not handle any of my relationships and I was always trying to save everyone and everything and keep everyone happy. It's exhausting, and it's not my job, like Mags said.
I have very little actual control of things outside my own head, so it did make sense to me to focus my efforts on the things I could change; like my controlling nature, my need to fix, my inability to let things go that weren't mine. I had to dig way back into my family history to find out where all that came from. It was making me miserable and it became obsessive.
This time around when I quit drinking I had to address some of that again, but that was because alcohol really messed with my cognitive processes and then I went to recovery meetings and if ever there were a group of people with boundary issues...it would be a room full of alcohol/drug abusers. We are notoriously bad with boundaries.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ
Posts: 3,458
Hey Weekenders. Hangover free mornings are still the best, Koala!!
Those are great observations Bimini. Very helpful to those of us who strive to be "in control - of everything - all the time". It's not possible, and it's exhausting!!
Enjoy the day everyone!
Those are great observations Bimini. Very helpful to those of us who strive to be "in control - of everything - all the time". It's not possible, and it's exhausting!!
Enjoy the day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 689
This is such a good topic and one I've been thinking about a lot since I re-entered the sober life (70 days ago today). I haven't got a lot to add to the debate other than to say that I whole-heartedly believe that, for me anyway, there is a huge difference between recovery and plain old abstinence! I managed to stay completely sober for 17 months in 2014-2015 and I remember thinking often during that time how easy it was. After one particularly heavy drinking day I 'simply' decided I'd had enough of the booze and the next day I stopped. My ability to do this didn't surprise me at the time because I've always liked to think I could be in control if I wanted to and therefore I'd just exercised that element of control over alcohol. I neatly overlooked the fact of course that my drinking had actually been out of control for many years before then.
So I didn't have a plan and I didn't look for support, I just relied on willpower and assumed - I now realise - that abstinence was recovery. And so it was until the day I agreed to have a glass of wine because otherwise my dinner companions couldn't get the special 'one bottle for the price of one glass offer'! I remember thinking, "why not"? I know the answer to that now but it's a shame it took nearly 4 years to find it, and 4 often despairing, remorse filled and daily drinking years at that.
Now I do have a plan and it includes, of course, signing up and posting here everyday as well other strategies picked up from different SR members. And via this thread I've now found a new strategy, courtesy of bim. Such a brilliant idea to bring to mind the names of some SR members when the AV strikes. I'm going to chose the ones from the gratitude list that I post to because they are such an inspiring lot.
I wish everyone a good weekend. I shall keep on reading these interesting contributions. I'm never again going to think I could have a drink if it wanted one. I recognise that statement in itself doesn't mean I won't have one, although if my plan works I won't, but it does mean I categorically know the difference between recovery and abstinence.
So I didn't have a plan and I didn't look for support, I just relied on willpower and assumed - I now realise - that abstinence was recovery. And so it was until the day I agreed to have a glass of wine because otherwise my dinner companions couldn't get the special 'one bottle for the price of one glass offer'! I remember thinking, "why not"? I know the answer to that now but it's a shame it took nearly 4 years to find it, and 4 often despairing, remorse filled and daily drinking years at that.
Now I do have a plan and it includes, of course, signing up and posting here everyday as well other strategies picked up from different SR members. And via this thread I've now found a new strategy, courtesy of bim. Such a brilliant idea to bring to mind the names of some SR members when the AV strikes. I'm going to chose the ones from the gratitude list that I post to because they are such an inspiring lot.
I wish everyone a good weekend. I shall keep on reading these interesting contributions. I'm never again going to think I could have a drink if it wanted one. I recognise that statement in itself doesn't mean I won't have one, although if my plan works I won't, but it does mean I categorically know the difference between recovery and abstinence.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Mags, that narrowboat is almost certainly for recreational or residential use. Until quite recently it was an affordable way to live in central London but as ever greedy councils cottoned on and priced many people out. Some of them are magnificent. Btw that sunshine did not last much longer. It clouded up later.
Welcome to Weekenders Rose and many congratulations on 70 days sober. I really like your idea of checking out some SR members - I had completely forgotten it but that is what I used to do when I first joined SR. Someone called MelindaFlowers who no longer posts was a particular favourite of mine.
Sending positive vibes your way Kaily, there are far worse impulse buys than second hand sofas and i'm sure you have good taste so it'll fit in just fine. On the VERY few occasions I have attempted to fix a relationship ori mprove someone's situation things invariably take a turn for the worse. If it's a cars or bit of machinery though...
Best wishes to all of you out there determined to stay sober.
Kaily's impulse buy reminded me of this track. I might have posted it before but Soulwax are from Belgium and not many Belgian music vids get posted on SR (or anywhere else outside of Belgium tbh) so...
https://youtu.be/EF3bu9fmheA
Welcome to Weekenders Rose and many congratulations on 70 days sober. I really like your idea of checking out some SR members - I had completely forgotten it but that is what I used to do when I first joined SR. Someone called MelindaFlowers who no longer posts was a particular favourite of mine.
Sending positive vibes your way Kaily, there are far worse impulse buys than second hand sofas and i'm sure you have good taste so it'll fit in just fine. On the VERY few occasions I have attempted to fix a relationship ori mprove someone's situation things invariably take a turn for the worse. If it's a cars or bit of machinery though...
Best wishes to all of you out there determined to stay sober.
Kaily's impulse buy reminded me of this track. I might have posted it before but Soulwax are from Belgium and not many Belgian music vids get posted on SR (or anywhere else outside of Belgium tbh) so...
https://youtu.be/EF3bu9fmheA
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Hey all, happy saturday! Almost done at the zoo and have some down time so I decided to check in. Life is moving right along. I went on a little date with a guy last night and we had dinner and watched a movie and held hands. It was nice. Going at a snail pace though, because I am not ready for anything serious and have a habit of giving way too much too fast.
Other than that, I'm good. Fall is coming, and I already got one of the starbucks pumpkin drinks, so I'm super ready for it, haha.
That's about it, I guess. An evening home relaxing with a little ice cream sounds great right now.
Other than that, I'm good. Fall is coming, and I already got one of the starbucks pumpkin drinks, so I'm super ready for it, haha.
That's about it, I guess. An evening home relaxing with a little ice cream sounds great right now.
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