August252015

that's awesome! And if your daughter already wants to go biking with you - she is hopeful.

JoePenner

Thanks for this perspective! She is a wonderful daughter.

JoePenner

Week 2. One week down, the rest of my life to go. I feel really good this morning. Much more relaxed and thinking much more clearly. Trying not to dwell on the past but rather looking forward to being myself again. I am such a jerk when I drink. Not saying I'm a saint when I'm sober but definitely a little more charismatic. Hope to get a bike ride in later today, unless it rains. See my doc tomorrow. Hope I didn't hurt myself with my drinking. A little nervous but not too bad. I want to treat my wife to something special for everything I put her through. She's taking a trip next week so maybe I'll upgrade her to first class on her flights. I think she'd get a kick out of that.

Hevyn

It is astonishing how it can change our personality, Joe. I'm very reserved & calm - but once I start drinking I become obnoxious & confrontational. The exact opposite if the real me.

Congrats on the beginning of your Week 2.

mariposa

JoePenner

Had a little recovery tantrum last night, same behavior I had when I was drinking. Got mad at something, I can't even remember what it was. I get so mad at myself for the lack of self control. I'm freaking out about my wife leaving town Saturday for a week, she's visiting a friend in Ann Arbor. The last time she took a trip like that I went on a bender. I hate being alone, we've been married for almost 41 years and have been connected at the hip most of that time. We're like twins, we even say the same things at the same time. I guess I need to make some plans to combat my loneliness and preserve my precious sobriety. I work from home so being in this vacuum is perilous. Thinking I'll go to some spin classes and bug my daughter to visit me, maybe go to Blackhawk and play some slots or blackjack.

I have an annual checkup with my doc in 90 mins. Freaking out about that, too. I hate going to the doctor. Mine is a vegan and he's always pushing his plant based diet, drives me nuts. I'll tell him I ate two hot dogs with chili last night, maybe that will shut him up! I can hardly wait for it to be over, so stressed.

August252015

Glad you shared.

Seeing the Dr was terrifying- but when I got sober I knew I had to face it, learn what was what and then address it. I did nearly kill myself yet somehow didn't cross the line into cirrhosis. I knew, tho, that no matter what my situation was I would have a chance to live only thru staying sober.

Forgive me if I've missed what you are putting under you as a foundation of sobriety? I have found that the bursts of anger (around 4mo was a BAD place for me ) arise and we learn how to deal better....the changes in habits (ie what you do when your wife goes out of town) we learn how to deal with better and keep up, the apologies and amends and gestures we want.to.do.to.make.up.for. it are best done by our changed behavior....

As the ACOA - I can tell you that the gifts my mom showered the "day after" yet another drunken night (or some of her dry drunk fits) were pretty awful. It's twisted and well intentioned and yet falls so short of what we really want- our parent or spouse to get sober and well. As the recovering alcoholic, I can now do sweet and thoughtful and generous things- but I'm 3.5 yr sober and live in my recovery and living amends to my parents and brother every day.

JoePenner

August, I don't know what you mean about the "foundation"? I also dont know what the acronym stands for! Sorry! I was sober for 8 years so quitting I've done before. It's staying sober that's my problem.

Abraham

I to was wondering about the acronym. There tend to be alot of them here. I just glaze over them but its nice to know what they are. I was not going to ask because this is not my thread and did not want to sound rude but I would love to know.

Dee74

ACOA = adult children of Alcoholics/Addicts

D

August252015

Adult Children of Alcoholics as Dee said

And by foundation I mean recovery program. AA, SMART, Celebrate Recovery, counseling/treatment/psych, on and on. Specific to getting and staying sober - what's your foundation for this life?

Our recovery depends on learning how to stay sober.

JoePenner

I tried a lot of different programs and found that these support groups work great for me. I was on WQD (We Quit Drinking) for years and that was the only thing that really helped me. Saw a shrink for a year and it didn't help.

JoePenner

Hijack to your heart's delight! I love learning more.

Dee74

heres a list of the main acronyms folks use here:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-acronyms.html

D

mariposa

I can understand your feelings about your wife leaving. My husband and I are inseparable, although we drive each other crazy. Try to use the time wisely, invest in yourself, your sobriety, and maybe a project for the house. Plant a garden, paint a wall, tile. As our wise friend once said “you can do whatever you like, as long as you don’t drink”

JoePenner

Had a good visit with the doc yesterday. Still waiting on labs, hope they come back ok. BP was 140/70, I was expecting much higher numbers. Bumped my bupropion from 150 to 300mg. Told the doc I am an alcoholic. He asked how I am dealing with it. Told him about SR and he seemed pleased that I quit and am trying to get better. I guess I must not look too bad, I was half expecting him to throw me in the hospital.

I got my wife seats in first class, she seemed really excited about it, for her trip to Michigan on Saturday. I'm not sure she's ever been up there before. I have to drive her to the airport in Denver Saturday. I know I will feel awful when I say goodbye to her.

I'm trying to come up with a list of things to do while she's gone so I stay sober. I think I'll spend some time down in Denver, I'm thinking of opening an office there. I have a ton of work to get done. Hopefully put a lot of miles on bike. Spend some time with my daughter, I hope she doesn't abandon me, she's so busy with her social life.

I know if I don't drink while my wife is gone that will be a big boost to my confidence.

lessgravity

Alone time was the ultimate drinking time for me - so I can relate to that being something that you have to be aware of and that will give you confidence going forward.

For me I came to finally understand, more deeply and profoundly than anything, that no one was coming to save me. I spent too many years waiting on tomorrow to come. Too many years waiting to be saved. I had to save myself. No one was coming.

Finally truly knowing that was instrumental in getting sober. So time alone became time with the person I knew had the only opportunity to save me - myself.

Making a plan is very important, fill your days, don't assume your daughter will be available. It's up to you.

August252015

Change this to "I won't drink while my wife is gone. I will be so grateful when she gets home and I'm sober!"

JoePenner

Had dinner with my daughter and her husband last night, it was his birthday. Everything went surprisingly smoothly. I asked my daughter not to abandon me while I'm home alone and she said she wouldn't. I'm hoping we can go out to dinner a few times. She mentioned having me over to their house, too. Her social calendar is, lucky for me, open next week.

I feel pretty good this morning. The AV is still harassing me, I can hear it in the back of my mind. It's not loud enough to force me to change my behavior, thank God. I am deeply focused on staying sober. It just feels too good to be sober to want to drink again. My head hurts just thinking about my last bender.

JoePenner

Thanks! I like the positivity!