Day 1 - again! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-29-2019, 11:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Madrid, Spain.
Posts: 156
Unhappy

Day 1 - again!


Hi,

I've never posted here before but have been reading comments for a while.
I've just finished another day 1. Last night I was robbed when drunk and today has been awful.

Last year I survived 3 months without drinking and the year before almost 4 months.

I don't find it too difficult to stop but struggle with accepting that it's forever and then always go back to it. I don't know how long it will take to break that barrier, 6 months, a year? Does a time arrive when you feel that you can give up forever?

Thanks for reading.
Santi27 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to Santi27 For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (04-29-2019), Anna (04-29-2019), Caprice6 (04-29-2019), Chance219 (04-29-2019), Dee74 (04-29-2019), Gabe1980 (04-29-2019), Ghostlight1 (04-29-2019), Hevyn (04-29-2019), Mariecheese (04-29-2019), mnjen (04-29-2019), Solarion (04-30-2019), Surlyredhead (04-29-2019)
Old 04-29-2019, 11:40 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Ghostlight1's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,767
Glad you decided to post.
I didn't survive going without drinking, I survived drinking.
I've never quit forever. I quit for today. So far that's worked for over ten years. One day at a time.
Sounds like alcohol may be causing problems in your life so I hope you can find sobriety. It's a wonderful way to live.
Best to you.
__________________
I've seen the gutter feed on the foolish...
Ghostlight1 is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Ghostlight1 For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (04-29-2019), Chance219 (04-29-2019), Doris47 (04-29-2019), Gabe1980 (04-29-2019), least (04-29-2019), Mariecheese (04-29-2019), Santi27 (04-29-2019), SoCalDude (04-29-2019), Surlyredhead (04-29-2019), thomas11 (04-29-2019)
Old 04-29-2019, 12:00 PM   #3 (permalink)
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,265
Blog Entries: 22
About ninety days into my recovery work, it became clear to me that I had never been a "normal" drinker, was never going to be one, and therefore could never drink again. Ever.

That acceptance of never, ever drinking again was a great weight off my shoulders. I didn't have to obsess about when I might drink again, or what would happen if I drank...I don't drink. Period.

It's just a paradigm. Accepting you can never drink is one. Ghostlight's one-day-at-a-time is another.

What's common between the two? Putting down the drink and not picking it up. Are you ready for that?
doggonecarl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to doggonecarl For This Useful Post:
5329guy (04-29-2019), Chance219 (04-29-2019), Finalround (04-29-2019), Ghostlight1 (04-29-2019), least (04-29-2019), Mariecheese (04-29-2019), mnjen (04-29-2019), PinnacleOR (04-29-2019), Santi27 (04-29-2019), Surlyredhead (04-29-2019), thomas11 (04-29-2019)
Old 04-29-2019, 12:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 80,257
Blog Entries: 32
Getting sober was the best thing I've ever done for myself.
__________________
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

least is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to least For This Useful Post:
5329guy (04-29-2019), Chance219 (04-29-2019), Mariecheese (04-29-2019), Santi27 (04-29-2019)
Old 04-29-2019, 01:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
thomas11's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 7,942
Welcome to the forum. The "never drink again" is a tough one to face but if you find "acceptance" that your drinking is not normal, and will never be, its a big weight off our shoulders. I wish you the best.
thomas11 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to thomas11 For This Useful Post:
5329guy (04-29-2019), Chance219 (04-29-2019), Finalround (04-29-2019), Ghostlight1 (04-29-2019), least (04-29-2019), Mariecheese (04-29-2019), Santi27 (04-30-2019), Surlyredhead (04-29-2019)
Old 04-29-2019, 01:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 339
Welcome Santi.

This is my third rodeo, I've attempted to quit drinking twice before. Each previous attempt lasted 2-3 months now I have two years sobriety.

I had also struggled with the concept of forever in my previous attempts but now I relish the thought that I am finished with alcohol forever. Pardon my French but I was so goddamn sick and tired of being so goddamn sick and tired all the time.

Because of kindling my drinking had progressed to 24/7 by the end, interrupted only when I was passed out. I quit cold turkey and the withdrawal I went through subsequently was medieval torture. Full on DTs, seizures, and hallucinations. Even now after two years of sobriety and working my program faithfully there are still days when I feel a little "off".

I am done. D-O-N-E. There are no cravings, no triggers, no white knuckling, those words do not exist in my lexicon.

Best of luck to you in your journey.
WeThinkNot is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to WeThinkNot For This Useful Post:
least (04-29-2019), mnjen (04-29-2019), Santi27 (04-30-2019), Surlyredhead (04-29-2019)
Old 04-29-2019, 02:11 PM   #7 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 51,937
Welcome, and I'm sorry you were robbed last night.

I think what made me be able to stay stopped was to deal with the underlying issues in my life that had led me to drinking. And, I needed to add things to my life to help support my recovery. You can have sustained sobriety but it usually means making some significant changes in your lifestyle.
__________________
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
Anna is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-29-2019), Ghostlight1 (04-29-2019), least (04-29-2019), Santi27 (04-30-2019), Surlyredhead (04-29-2019)
Old 04-29-2019, 02:12 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Finalround's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,205
Welcome to the community. I, like you and many others, was stuck in the cycle. Wanting to quit, trying to quit only to end up back at "go". It ended when I chose it to. When I finally decided I never wanted a hangover ever again. That required NOT drinking ever again.

Like Carl said, it's a paradigm shift. "I don't drink." That's the start.
Finalround is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Finalround For This Useful Post:
least (04-29-2019), Santi27 (04-30-2019), Surlyredhead (04-29-2019)
Old 04-29-2019, 03:13 PM   #9 (permalink)
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: New York - Catskill Mtns.
Posts: 38,568
Good to meet you, Santi.
Unfortunately, bad things had to happen for me to acknowledge I could never drink safely. Any time it was in my system, I put myself in danger. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. It was such a relief to have my life back & to know I was in control. I hope you'll feel better soon.
__________________
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

Hevyn is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Hevyn For This Useful Post:
least (04-29-2019), Santi27 (04-30-2019), Surlyredhead (04-29-2019)
Old 04-29-2019, 05:37 PM   #10 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 178,570
Blog Entries: 1
I'm really sorry you were robbed Santi.
Like others here my life just got worse and worse the more years I drank.

I stopped drinking and got my life back - and it's good one.
I believe you can too

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (04-29-2019), least (04-29-2019), Santi27 (04-30-2019), Surlyredhead (04-29-2019)
Old 04-29-2019, 05:59 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Caprice6's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 526
"I don't find it too difficult to stop but struggle with accepting that it's forever and then always go back to it"

Be as realistic as possible, don't think forever (how daunting), I mean you could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Ok, try to set weekly goals for yourself and set yourself up for success as you go along.

I am just thrilled every other night now there's a playoff game I can watch, and this basketball one with sober friends too.

Best wishes!
__________________
Caprice6 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Caprice6 For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (04-29-2019), Santi27 (04-30-2019), Surlyredhead (04-29-2019)
Old 04-29-2019, 06:15 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Caprice6's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 526
I could be hit by a bus or get nuked by my neighbors but at least I'd go in dignity. didn't wanna point you out singularly.
Caprice6 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Caprice6 For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (04-29-2019), Santi27 (04-30-2019), Surlyredhead (04-29-2019)
Old 04-29-2019, 06:19 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 946
Blog Entries: 1
Quote:
Originally Posted by Santi27 View Post
Last year I survived 3 months without drinking and the year before almost 4 months.
It might help to remember that drinking alcohol is not required for survival.

Air, water, food, and sleep are required for survival. Probably a few other things, too, but not alcohol.
Solarion is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Solarion For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (04-29-2019), least (04-29-2019), mnjen (04-29-2019), PinnacleOR (04-29-2019), Surlyredhead (04-29-2019)
Old 04-30-2019, 01:14 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
MarkstheSpot's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 186
I've been a bit of a yo-yo quitter in the past (trying not to be) and the way I see it is that you've got two lots of quit-times under your belt, three and four months, which is already pretty tremendous. Think of all the repairing your body will have done during those periods. And remember that having already done it twice, you *know* you can do it. That fear of stepping into the unknown should be absent, or at least reduced. You've already done half the work. Go you!

As for staying stopped: I'm still working on that myself. Ahem. What I do know is that there's no one-size-fits-all answer, and you (as in, one) need to work out what works for you. If the thought of never drinking again fills you with fear and that fear in turn makes you want to drink, then use the one-day-at-a-time method; if that way seems too ambiguous then commit to something more permanent.

Either way, and whatever method you self-prescribe, there will come a time when you have that amnesia about why you stopped in the first place. Let me know how you deal with that one...
MarkstheSpot is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MarkstheSpot For This Useful Post:
Daisybelle (04-30-2019), Santi27 (04-30-2019), Solarion (04-30-2019)
Old 04-30-2019, 02:27 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Madrid, Spain.
Posts: 156
Thank you everybody for your support, kind words and encouragement. So today is day 2 and let's see how I get on this time. I'm lucky that I don't have any physical withdrawal symptoms when I stop, nor do I have cravings for a drink.
It's more that after a few weeks the feeling of how bad it is being hungover or so out of control that I can be robbed or beaten up (I've had worse than what happened Sunday night), that feeling goes and I think I'm in control of alcohol and can drink safely. Sometimes I do drink safely, but there is always a big risk that things will get out of control. I don't seem to have any brake, it's the same with other things, I open a box of chocolates and then eat them all etc. Alcohol, of course, has a more dangerous risk.
When I gave up last year and in 2017 I was happy and I am happy in general, just not during those episodes like on Sunday. So other than some weight loss, my life of 3/4 months without drink was the same. I just felt some sort of a loss that I couldn't do what everybody else does. I think I need to almost chant each morning, some kind of mantra, or maybe carry a photo of my beaten up face to remind me of what can happen when I drink too much.

I'm going to log in to this page each day as I think it's a great help. The support is amazing.
Santi27 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Santi27 For This Useful Post:
Daisybelle (04-30-2019), Solarion (04-30-2019)
Old 04-30-2019, 03:21 AM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
Mummyto2's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 2,191
Iíve found that itís better for me not to think never again because that made me want to drink, now I do one day at a time, and hopefully in the future the more days that go by it will just become a way of life, good luck
Mummyto2 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Mummyto2 For This Useful Post:
Daisybelle (04-30-2019), Santi27 (04-30-2019)
Old 04-30-2019, 03:36 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
Daisybelle's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Cheshire. U.K
Posts: 4,372
Hi Santi and well done on posting and reaching out. I'm sorry about you being robbed, that's horrible.
I've been sober for almost 13 months now and I can say hand on heart that it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. Just waking up each morning with no hangover and not feeling anxious and guilty make it all worthwhile.
I'm not sure what support you have, A.A , etc but you would maybe benefit from joining ' the class of April 2019, you'd then be amongst people who are at the same stage as you and you'll find plenty of support and friendship there.
It's just for today. You can do this. Xx
Daisybelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:07 PM.