Thank you everybody for your support, kind words and encouragement. So today is day 2 and let's see how I get on this time. I'm lucky that I don't have any physical withdrawal symptoms when I stop, nor do I have cravings for a drink.
It's more that after a few weeks the feeling of how bad it is being hungover or so out of control that I can be robbed or beaten up (I've had worse than what happened Sunday night), that feeling goes and I think I'm in control of alcohol and can drink safely. Sometimes I do drink safely, but there is always a big risk that things will get out of control. I don't seem to have any brake, it's the same with other things, I open a box of chocolates and then eat them all etc. Alcohol, of course, has a more dangerous risk.
When I gave up last year and in 2017 I was happy and I am happy in general, just not during those episodes like on Sunday. So other than some weight loss, my life of 3/4 months without drink was the same. I just felt some sort of a loss that I couldn't do what everybody else does. I think I need to almost chant each morning, some kind of mantra, or maybe carry a photo of my beaten up face to remind me of what can happen when I drink too much.
I'm going to log in to this page each day as I think it's a great help. The support is amazing.