Day 1 - again!
 

Hi,

I've never posted here before but have been reading comments for a while.
I've just finished another day 1. Last night I was robbed when drunk and today has been awful.

Last year I survived 3 months without drinking and the year before almost 4 months.

I don't find it too difficult to stop but struggle with accepting that it's forever and then always go back to it. I don't know how long it will take to break that barrier, 6 months, a year? Does a time arrive when you feel that you can give up forever?

Thanks for reading.

Glad you decided to post.
I didn't survive going without drinking, I survived drinking.
I've never quit forever. I quit for today. So far that's worked for over ten years. One day at a time.
Sounds like alcohol may be causing problems in your life so I hope you can find sobriety. It's a wonderful way to live.
Best to you.

About ninety days into my recovery work, it became clear to me that I had never been a "normal" drinker, was never going to be one, and therefore could never drink again. Ever.

That acceptance of never, ever drinking again was a great weight off my shoulders. I didn't have to obsess about when I might drink again, or what would happen if I drank...I don't drink. Period.

It's just a paradigm. Accepting you can never drink is one. Ghostlight's one-day-at-a-time is another.

What's common between the two? Putting down the drink and not picking it up. Are you ready for that?

Getting sober was the best thing I've ever done for myself. :)

Welcome to the forum. The "never drink again" is a tough one to face but if you find "acceptance" that your drinking is not normal, and will never be, its a big weight off our shoulders. I wish you the best.

Welcome Santi.

This is my third rodeo, I've attempted to quit drinking twice before. Each previous attempt lasted 2-3 months now I have two years sobriety.

I had also struggled with the concept of forever in my previous attempts but now I relish the thought that I am finished with alcohol forever. Pardon my French but I was so goddamn sick and tired of being so goddamn sick and tired all the time.

Because of kindling my drinking had progressed to 24/7 by the end, interrupted only when I was passed out. I quit cold turkey and the withdrawal I went through subsequently was medieval torture. Full on DTs, seizures, and hallucinations. Even now after two years of sobriety and working my program faithfully there are still days when I feel a little "off".

I am done. D-O-N-E. There are no cravings, no triggers, no white knuckling, those words do not exist in my lexicon.

Best of luck to you in your journey.

Welcome, and I'm sorry you were robbed last night.

I think what made me be able to stay stopped was to deal with the underlying issues in my life that had led me to drinking. And, I needed to add things to my life to help support my recovery. You can have sustained sobriety but it usually means making some significant changes in your lifestyle.

Welcome to the community. I, like you and many others, was stuck in the cycle. Wanting to quit, trying to quit only to end up back at "go". It ended when I chose it to. When I finally decided I never wanted a hangover ever again. That required NOT drinking ever again.

Like Carl said, it's a paradigm shift. "I don't drink." That's the start.

Good to meet you, Santi.
Unfortunately, bad things had to happen for me to acknowledge I could never drink safely. Any time it was in my system, I put myself in danger. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. It was such a relief to have my life back & to know I was in control. I hope you'll feel better soon.

I'm really sorry you were robbed Santi.
Like others here my life just got worse and worse the more years I drank.

I stopped drinking and got my life back - and it's good one.
I believe you can too :)

D

"I don't find it too difficult to stop but struggle with accepting that it's forever and then always go back to it"

Be as realistic as possible, don't think forever (how daunting), I mean you could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Ok, try to set weekly goals for yourself and set yourself up for success as you go along.

I am just thrilled every other night now there's a playoff game I can watch, and this basketball one with sober friends too.

Best wishes!

I could be hit by a bus or get nuked by my neighbors but at least I'd go in dignity. didn't wanna point you out singularly.

It might help to remember that drinking alcohol is not required for survival.

Air, water, food, and sleep are required for survival. Probably a few other things, too, but not alcohol.

I've been a bit of a yo-yo quitter in the past (trying not to be) and the way I see it is that you've got two lots of quit-times under your belt, three and four months, which is already pretty tremendous. Think of all the repairing your body will have done during those periods. And remember that having already done it twice, you *know* you can do it. That fear of stepping into the unknown should be absent, or at least reduced. You've already done half the work. Go you!

As for staying stopped: I'm still working on that myself. Ahem. What I do know is that there's no one-size-fits-all answer, and you (as in, one) need to work out what works for you. If the thought of never drinking again fills you with fear and that fear in turn makes you want to drink, then use the one-day-at-a-time method; if that way seems too ambiguous then commit to something more permanent.

Either way, and whatever method you self-prescribe, there will come a time when you have that amnesia about why you stopped in the first place. Let me know how you deal with that one...

Thank you everybody for your support, kind words and encouragement. So today is day 2 and let's see how I get on this time. I'm lucky that I don't have any physical withdrawal symptoms when I stop, nor do I have cravings for a drink.
It's more that after a few weeks the feeling of how bad it is being hungover or so out of control that I can be robbed or beaten up (I've had worse than what happened Sunday night), that feeling goes and I think I'm in control of alcohol and can drink safely. Sometimes I do drink safely, but there is always a big risk that things will get out of control. I don't seem to have any brake, it's the same with other things, I open a box of chocolates and then eat them all etc. Alcohol, of course, has a more dangerous risk.
When I gave up last year and in 2017 I was happy and I am happy in general, just not during those episodes like on Sunday. So other than some weight loss, my life of 3/4 months without drink was the same. I just felt some sort of a loss that I couldn't do what everybody else does. I think I need to almost chant each morning, some kind of mantra, or maybe carry a photo of my beaten up face to remind me of what can happen when I drink too much.

I'm going to log in to this page each day as I think it's a great help. The support is amazing.

Hi Santi and well done on posting and reaching out. I'm sorry about you being robbed, that's horrible.
I've been sober for almost 13 months now and I can say hand on heart that it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. Just waking up each morning with no hangover and not feeling anxious and guilty make it all worthwhile.
I'm not sure what support you have, A.A , etc but you would maybe benefit from joining ' the class of April 2019, you'd then be amongst people who are at the same stage as you and you'll find plenty of support and friendship there.
It's just for today. You can do this. Xx