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Through the withdrawal - Time to make a plan

Old 08-15-2018, 04:33 PM
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Hey Nick

maybe I missed it but I can;t see anything in there that specifically deals with not drinking. (I did read 8, 12 and 13, but those are pretty general)

People often leave that out cos it's easier to focus on the 'doing stuff' component, but I think any successful plan really need to address that not drinking and how you'll achieve and maintain that.

Just my .02

D
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Old 08-15-2018, 04:55 PM
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I don't want to obsess about not drinking, it's exhausting. I just want to remove it from my life and way of thinking. This is a different approach for me. I don't want to count days or judge other people for their addictive behaviors or if they're able to drink and not over indulge. I just want to remove it from my life and hold my sobriety close to me.

It's often said here: "You don't ever have to drink again." That's completely right, but I also don't have to harp on it anymore either and just let it go. I really want to start leading a new life and I really don't want anyone to know my buisness and have to feel awkward when people drink around me or even wonder if I'm sober. It's exhausting, and I'm over that approach. I think therapy is the best approach for me right now. A room where your anonymity is legally binded to.

But, Dee, like I said before - The rooms aren't completely off the table, and I really want to get information about SMART. I'm starting to see what didn't work for me before, so this is an entirely differnt approach. I do know that if things get to bad, the rooms and SR will always be there with open arms, but right now I want to use SR as my "new rooms" this time.

This list right now is a distraction to get through what I've been going through, but totally understanding that I just can't drink anymore.
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Old 08-15-2018, 05:43 PM
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Building a support network and using it, and making changes to your life style and problem solving that reflect your desire to be sober is far from being obsessional IMO.

Thats like saying you don't want to brush your teeth because you don't want to get obsessional about dental health....

At least read the links man

D
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Old 08-16-2018, 03:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Building a support network and using it, and making changes to your life style and problem solving that reflect your desire to be sober is far from being obsessional IMO.

Thats like saying you don't want to brush your teeth because you don't want to get obsessional about dental health....

At least read the links man

D

I think you're just misunderstanding my approach, but that's okay. I have read the links several times over the last three years and have gathered a lot of inspiration in my plan through them.

I think that I confused you. I believe you're getting at each step of the list plan. I have been writing it out the past two days, and it's very time consuming! I hope to finish it by tomorrow. I was just listing on how I am going to work this plan.

-Nick
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Old 08-16-2018, 03:23 PM
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Well today I was pretty much exhausted. Today I was on my third of five straight eleven hour shifts. That's a little intense for me, and I believe my manager wants to make it a regular thing, so I need to figure out a situation with her to where I can have a day off every three days because I'm finding it hard to make any sort of time for myself. I'm going to add that to my plan.

Still had a little trouble falling asleep again last night, but when I did, I slept very well. I definitely know I'll sleep well tonight because I'm falling asleep typing this! I'm going to force myself to stay up until 9:30 so I can finally get back to my normal sleeping pattern. After three days of that pattern my body should be reset and then I can start focusing on my diet plan. It's crazy how time consuming it is to get back to a healthy state. It normally takes me a good three weeks. Wow, I've never thought about that before.

But yea, I was just really out of it/depersonalized due to being tired throughout the day, but I'm hopeful tomorrow will be much better! Not an eventful day.

-Nick
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Old 08-16-2018, 04:26 PM
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All the things on your lists are good supplements to what my actual plan is- which began with deciding not to drink, ever again. First item in a plan, and if it is the only one, that's a complete plan to get sober. Recovery for me has meant a program for living not just sober, but healthy and free. Lots of items on that "plan list."

But my first plan and that first item....where it all starts. Do you want to be sober and get a life in recovery? Up to you, and there are plenty of folks around here like Dee who are making excellent contributions to your thread in attempts to help.

I used to assert that people misunderstood me all the time. I finally learned that the problem with "communication" was between my own ears.
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Old 08-16-2018, 04:45 PM
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That makes perfect sense, it's hard for me to express myself cause my brain is still a bit erratic and foggy (hence why I tend to ramble in my posts)

I feel as if I'm coming off as harsh - and that is completely not my intention. My brain is just in a weird state right now. It's a mixture of depression, foggyness, sleepyness, etc. So I do qant suggestions and I appreciate them! I especially want information about SMART from anyone who has gone through that program!

To answer your question, yes I want to be sober and have a life in recovery.
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Old 08-16-2018, 04:55 PM
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My brain was a mess when I quit drinking, to say the least! We can all relate to the foggy, disoriented, slow, whatever crappy head space we had when quitting.

Depending on where you are in the SE I might have another recovery group suggestion for you.
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Old 08-16-2018, 05:16 PM
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I'm open to any suggestions other than the NA/AA format. Im located 3 hours from, Atlanta.
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Old 08-16-2018, 05:53 PM
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I'm sorry we're not on the same wavelength Nick but just for the record I was not suggesting any particular 'method' at all

I needed a plan for dealing with cravings, a plan for FOMO (fear of missing out) a plan for peer pressure, a plan for the eff its and those momentsI felt unworthy of recovery, a plan for stress and anxiety, and plan for those ambush moments when you suddenly find yourself with an opportunity to drink.

I needed a good support network - that can be whatever you feel comfortable with - and I had to cultivate the willingness to use that support.

Some of my plans covered several of these areas at once and none of them were great long essays just a few bullet points on each.

best wishes with your plan

D
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Old 08-17-2018, 03:19 PM
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I hope everyone is doing well today! My brain fog is starting to clear, so that's a positive sign that things are looking up! I'm still the most anxious when I first wake up, but I've always been like that. I know it has to do with my eating habits, but that's the next thing that I will be tackling next week. I'm also finding that my depression is dramatically decreasing, but I've been keeping myself so busy that I don't even have time to really think about it. I tend to throw myself into work when I go through something really bad. Is that healthy?

I haven't finished my plan yet. It's a lot harder than I thought to address and write out your issues/triggers and ways to bipass them. It truly makes me anxious, and in a weird way, it makes me want to drink when I'm thinking about it so I have to constantly put it down and return to it when I have a little time to process all of it. I want it done by, Monday. So that's a good goal to work torwards.

I have a few events coming up next week that I would love some pointers on for not drinking. The first one is, Sunday. Sunday is the night before my day off so eight times out of ten I normally drink. I've been going through this pattern for about four months now where I never miss a Sunday drink binge. So it's like I never have a day off because I'm always recovering from the binge. I need to find a way to not drink on Sundays and I just can't figure out how to. It's like I already feel like I'm going to relapse this Sunday and I really don't want to. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I'm truly worried.

The second event is a concert I'm going to on Tuesday with friends from work. We all have to be to work at 5:30 the next morning so I'm hoping nobody decides to drink, but one of my coworkers is a heavy wine drinker and wine is my drug of choice . Actually, I think I can handle this situation because there is no way that I'm going to a concert till after midnight then turn around and be to work four hours later hung over and work an eleven hour shift. I absolutely hate being hungover at this job. I can easily work drunk, but a hangover is like a nightmare there. Again, I know this all sounds ridiculous.

The third is a painting class (again with my coworkers) next, Sunday (August 26th). It's one of those painting classes where you drink and learn how to paint. This is a gift from my boss for doing well on our audit earlier this week. This one is the one I'm most terrified of. I'm terrified because not only does it fall on a, Sunday, but drinking is part of the experience. Nobody I work with knows about my issues with alcohol- and I plan to keep it that way. I have also never drank with anyone that I work with there either. Nobody there knows really anything about me. I've made mistakes going into jobs where I let my buisness be completely on Front Street. I promised myself that I was going to go into this job with a brand new slate while keeping all of my problems at home. This was the best decision i've ever made. The only thing they know about was the guy I took home and I feel upset about them even knowing that - but I had no choice, he came home with me from work. They weren't to happy about me taking him home and the rumors went throughout the hotel. Everyone knows, and it's super embarrassing. Lesson learned.

I'm getting of subject, sorry. Back to paint night. I have to go to this because the reason we did so well was because of my audit and I don't want to seem ungreatful.

I'm looking through what I have planned out so far and I feel like I'm set up for a really tricky situation. Early sobriety is so hard. The only time I've successfully stayed sober was when separated myself from pretty much everyone for three months and just focused on not drinking. I don't think it's healthy for me separate myself from everyone right now because of my depression/loneliness. Through writing out this plan, I'm learning that both of those are the source and triggers to my alcoholism. I need to get out and be around positive people and I love the people I work with. They are truly like family. I hate being afraid of alcohol. I'm normally not, but I really want to stay clean.

So if anyone can give me any advice on things that have worked for you in these situations, please feel free to share!

Thanks everyone,

-Nick
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Old 08-17-2018, 03:36 PM
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For the Sunday evening, plan to do something different. Go for a hike or walk, call a sober friend, go to a movie, anything that doesn't involve drinking.

For the Concert, I wouldn't go, I just wouldn't.

For the Painting Class - I wouldn't go. Will your boss know if you don't go? If so, you could tell him you aren't available on Sunday evenings for awhile because of personal issues.

Early recovery is tough and a big part of that is because of the really hard decisions and choices you need to make.
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Old 08-17-2018, 03:58 PM
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Agree with Anna.

There is nothing in the world that is mandatory for me to attend. Nothing. And that was especially true in the beginning.

My sobriety and and now life in recovery is my absolute top priority. I hate to sound like a broken record, but what you are trying to create as a plan way complicates something that needs to start with the basic premise of how to get sober, and what to do to support that. All the rest is trimmings.

You mention being in your head- I have t hat strong inclination too and I found that was the worst place to stay if I wanted to get sober. Ias people say, my best thinking kept me drinking. I had to find help from the right people, who had the kind of life I could only imagine. Everyone else who would be grouped under drinking Friends or such had to be put aside (or more accurately for me, nit re-engaged since I had largely isolated) at least til you get straight enough t make good clear decisions about what is best for you.

Also, figuring out stressors and triggers and everything else about our disease and our drinking is what the steps lead you through. You can't possibly "figure it all out at once." Delaying real recovery til you do would keep most of us drinking. From what I hear from others, the different programs they use SMART, AVRT, all have some kind of orderly progression for creating a life in sobriety.

To my earlier question about where you are and ideas....The group I would mention to you is Ben's Friends, an F&B only recovery group with locations in Charleston, Atlanta (I am on the Board and I lead this group), Raleigh and Richmond. You can find us on FB and Insta under the city name after bensfriends. I would also suggest looking up Kat Kinsman's Chefs with Issues on FB and her site (its F&B, not just Chefs) and a community of all manner of support.
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Old 08-17-2018, 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
For the Concert, I wouldn't go, I just wouldn't.
I bought the tickets for us - and it's, Beyonce! I thought this one through, I'm pretty positive I won't drink.


Originally Posted by Anna View Post
For the Painting Class - I wouldn't go. Will your boss know if you don't go? If so, you could tell him you aren't available on Sunday evenings for awhile because of personal issues.
My boss is taking us, so she'll definitely be there, and if I'm unavailable, Sunday she'll probably change the day. Maybe I could persuade her into doing something different?

Thanks for the, Sunday advice. I think I may go to a movie - and walk (wether permitting)! It's been a very long time since I've been to a movie!
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Old 08-17-2018, 06:45 PM
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Paj, at the end of the day you have to make all these choices for yourself, and all boil down to one thing: to what lengths, what costs, will you go to be sober? You said it is what you want, so there's the bottom line question for you.

Respectfully, it doesn't sound like you want to hear those of us trying to share this important perspective. Between Beyoncé and probably not drinking or knowing I will stay home and be sober- my choice is door two. Put any of the scenarios you put out, or that any of us have faced in real life, and my choice is always going to be the door with certain sobriety behind it.

The last thing I will say is that in recovery, once I learned to live and do and participate in the world in a whole new way- there isn't anything or place I can't go. And Beyoncé is still having concerts.
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Old 08-17-2018, 07:02 PM
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^^^ What she said.
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Old 08-18-2018, 06:33 AM
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Paj,

I've used SMART and I've found many of the tools very useful.

If you visit http://www.smartrecovery.org, and click on the top left you can search for meetings in your area. Alternatively, you can crate an account online and try online meetings.

You can purchase the handbook from Amazon, or alternatively, purchase one at a meeting. The purpose of the meetings is to practice the tools, which I've done.

I'll still stop by a meeting on occasion, but the program is really in the handbook.

I surmise it would work in tandem with your therapy sessions.

I think you have a strong recovery plan.

Like you, I simply want to be done with alcohol (and I am), & move on (I have), sans any maintenance program.
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Old 08-18-2018, 10:57 AM
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Paj,

I'd frankly go to both events -- the concert and the painting class.

Here's a technique that has helped me immensely, as I used to find it very hard not to indulge on weekends.

Instead of viewing yourself as a drinker who is temporarily abstaining, view yourself as a non-drinker without contingency. That shift in mindset has helped me, and I suspect you may derive benefit. Insulated as a non-drinker, you can go wherever you want with all the rights and privileges of non-drinkers.

Enjoy the concert & the painting class and let us know it goes.
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Old 08-18-2018, 03:21 PM
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Originally Posted by August252015 View Post
Paj, at the end of the day you have to make all these choices for yourself, and all boils down to one thing: to what lengths, what costs, will you go to be sober? You said it is what you want, so there's the bottom line question for you.
I've decided that Im going to attend the two events. I have the courage and the will power to amazing things in my life. That being music is my #1 passion in my life, and are is a close #2. Both of these things I've neglected them both severely the past few years. Quitting alcohol is my #1 priority right now, but in Correlation with that, my mental wellbeing is as well and I know they can be beneficial when I attack them both at the same time because my mental health is what I generally need to focus on at the moment hand in hand with my alcohol issues.
Originally Posted by August252015 View Post
Respectfully, it doesn't sound like you want to hear those of us trying to share this important perspective.
No, I want to here all spectrums from everyone and chose what is best for me. I've taken the same approach methods you are now taking and was sober up to theee years, but they did not work for ME. A lot of people believe in THEIR approach and what works FOR THEM, but the whole point of this is that I'm trying something new because what I did before obviously wasn't what I wanted.

I respect everyone's opinion, but I'm looking for the same kind of people with my ideals to collaborate with and pick their brains in how it worked for them.

I mean this respectfully,

-Nick
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Old 08-18-2018, 03:28 PM
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Originally Posted by daredevil View Post
Paj,

I've used SMART and I've found many of the tools very useful.

If you visit http://www.smartrecovery.org, and click on the top left you can search for meetings in your area. Alternatively, you can crate an account online and try online meetings.

You can purchase the handbook from Amazon, or alternatively, purchase one at a meeting. The purpose of the meetings is to practice the tools, which I've done.

I'll still stop by a meeting on occasion, but the program is really in the handbook.

I surmise it would work in tandem with your therapy sessions.

I think you have a strong recovery plan.

Like you, I simply want to be done with alcohol (and I am), & move on (I have), sans any maintenance program.

Thank you for responding to me about SMART RECOVERY and a link to information. This is the question I've been asking about for days and you were the first to give me information! Thank you!!! My whole point was to qork with therapy and an alternative to The NA/AA program. Thanks again, I'm going to start looking into!

Nick
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