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Through the withdrawal - Time to make a plan

Old 08-18-2018, 03:35 PM
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Originally Posted by daredevil View Post
I'd frankly go to both events -- the concert and the painting class.

Instead of viewing yourself as a drinker who is temporarily abstaining, view yourself as a non-drinker without contingency. That shift in mindset has helped me, and I suspect you may derive benefit. Insulated as a non-drinker, you can go wherever you want with all the rights and privileges of non-drinkers.

Enjoy the concert & the painting class and let us know it goes.

You really get my approach, and your quote resonated very deepy in me. Especially this: "you can go wherever you want with all the rights and privileges of non-drinkers.". I don't feel I have to stop my life just because alcohol is around. If I have the willpower and determination, I'm golden. Thank you so much for this and I will definitely let ya'll know how it goes! We need to keep in touch dare devil!

-Nick
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Old 08-18-2018, 04:30 PM
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I’m glad what I offered helped.

It’s important to point out a distinction though.

As a non-drinker (an unshakable stance that you simply do not drink, under any circumstance), you neither need willpower nor determination.

Being a non-drinker is a state of permanent being, and you need not be armed with anything more.

I’ve put myself in wet situations several times in the last month, and each time I came out unscathed, and it required neither willpower nor determination.
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Old 08-18-2018, 04:44 PM
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I really like your way of thinking. Like 4real4real.
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Old 08-19-2018, 04:33 PM
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Well, it's, Sunday and I did not drink! So hurdle one down and my first act of breaking the chains of this cycle! Though I did not do anything proactive, it still counts.

Today has been one of the happiest days I've had in a really long time - and I don't know why! I have some news about that concert. The wine drinker that I talked about bailed out so there will be no temptation! The other two that are going with me are a pregnant woman and one of my best friends who knows I'm trying to quit. She is actually the person who took me to the ER last time I was in withdrawal. So there will be no booze!! That's not to say there won't be people around me drinking, but that doesn't bother me! I work around people drinking everyday in my work life - hell, I bartend 25 hours a week! It's strange how that doesn't bother me, I guess it's just a way of normalcy. I'm really excited now!

Treated myself to comfort foods: Coca Cola, salt and vinegar chips, ice cream cookie sandwiches and an assortment of candy to snack on during the next day and a half off! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll eat some normal meals, but I'm proud of myself for making it through this long week!

Today (well at this hour) has been pretty amazing. I was however extremely tired at work and cut a lot of corners today. That's not normally like me. I'm usually a by the book and over/over achieving/highly self critical kind of employee. A boss once told me that "even on my worst days I'm really great". Those kind of compliments make me feel kind of awkward. I think too much.

Sundays are such a weird day for me and as I'm just now realizing, they've always been. It's like nobody wants to do anything, everything runs behind, people are just, I can't even put a word on it...fake happy/hungover/slow..I don't know, it just might be a southern United States thing. It's a very frustrating day to me and I always loath it. I don't even know why. Maybe therapy will help me figure this out.

Speaking of therapy, my life time friend is going to help me find a therapist whose specialty is in gay individuals with a heavy focus on addictions. She's a psychologist (as well as bisexual) and knows a lot of people in the medical field. I consider her my sister. I qas so anxious to get into therapy and she told me to "slow down, you need to shop around, Nick. You don't just choose just anyone." She told me about a very great therapist and siad she qould give him a call to see if he's taking any patients.
I should hear by tomorrow. I'm actually pretty excited to start doing something like this! It's a very big step in my life.

I have no idea what I'm doing tomorrow (I'm sure a ton of sleeping), but I know I'm not going to drink. Actually, I'm finishing my "final plan" hopefully, and I will be posting it here for all to read and for accountability.

I know I ramble incessantly, but I want to thank all of you for actually taking the time to some how muster throw all of my lengthy/self loathing/desperate/man finding himself again posts. This forum is becoming something special to me. I'm treating it like a journal (or a book of sorts) that I'm allowing everyone from every inch of the globe to read. I'm truly becoming to love it and wished I would have used this tool years ago instead of only posting because I was panicking through a withdrawal.

All of you are amazing. If I don't agree with a lot of things that you are telling me, I am fully taking it to heart and externalizing it. It does run through my head. Thank you for that. I'm always open for any sort of advice and criticism!

This 35 year old, grown ass man is about to watch The Lion King and feel nostalgic!

Keep it movin,

-Nick
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Old 08-19-2018, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by daredevil View Post
Iím glad what I offered helped.

Itís important to point out a distinction though.

As a non-drinker (an unshakable stance that you simply do not drink, under any circumstance), you neither need willpower nor determination.

Being a non-drinker is a state of permanent being, and you need not be armed with anything more.

Iíve put myself in wet situations several times in the last month, and each time I came out unscathed, and it required neither willpower nor determination.
Are there certain books you would recommend I read that is giving you this kind of outlook on life?
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Old 08-20-2018, 01:50 PM
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Lazy day today, but have made it a week sober. I slept 16 hours straight which is crazy! I must have really been tired and I still feel tired. I'm starting to feel a lot more level headed and a lot less manic. I'm no longer terrified to be alone in my home - which is by far the most amazing thing.

I've still been doing a lot of reading here and have been reading a lot about AVRT. Sounds exactly what I've been looking for. I have an out side of the box way of thinking about things, so this program seems like it would fit in to a common sense mold for me and help ground me immensely.

Still feeling a bit lonely. I love being by myself because I'm around so many people constantly in my work life. It makes it hard for me to socialize and get out when I'm overwhelmed with people. Makes me wonder if I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life.

Still waiting to hear back about the therapist. Really crossing my fingers for this professional.

All together I just feel a calm energy again. I need to keep this energy around me going.

-Nick
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Old 08-20-2018, 01:58 PM
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Good to hear Nick.

It was very easy to get wasted when I was bored, but when I did, I was just wasted and bored (I used to think it was a cure for boredom, but it wasn't as I was still bored!) There are some very good AVRT discussion threads in the sub-forum just below Secular Connections that can keep you occupied.

Enjoy your concert tomorrow.
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Old 08-20-2018, 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by daredevil View Post
Good to hear Nick.

It was very easy to get wasted when I was bored, but when I did, I was just wasted and bored (I used to think it was a cure for boredom, but it wasn't as I was still bored!) There are some very good AVRT discussion threads in the sub-forum just below Secular Connections that can keep you occupied.

Enjoy your concert tomorrow.
Thanks, DD. I'm reading what you asked me to read and it's long! On page 10 now where you tell me it starts getting good. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been somewhat introduced to AVRT. So, thank you for that.

I just got from dinner with who I now consider my best friend. We went to my go to chicken wing spot. Was amazing. It's not in the best place in town, but it's on point! While we were there she ran into one of her friends. She explained that she was about to get married and the girl turned around and looked at me in a weird way and said: "To him?" It was sort of off putting. In that girls defense, we are two completely opposite looking individuals. Nonetheless it was rude, but I let it go.

I've been finding it impossible to watch any sort of Television. I keep searching to watch some sort of inspirational documentary but I can't seem to find one. It's like I'm constantly sitting around reading, SR and Reddit for inspiration. I just want to watch something visual that can keep my attention. If anyone could suggest something to watch, by all means do.

Again, a very unproductive day, but I did get out of my apartment and I did stay sober so I guess that's the only thing that really matters.

-Nick
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Old 08-25-2018, 03:18 PM
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Haven't posted in a while, but I'll do a quick recap with what's been going on the past few days:

My sobriety and job situation at this moment:

Well, what can I say? I'm 11 days sober today! The 11th day for me has often been the day that I usually (almost always) relapse. Today, not so much. I feel a different shift in the way I've been thinking about how I'm handeling my everyday life. I have had absolutely no desire to drink these past 11 days - only a very quick AV whisper that I am quick to shut down, because honestly I can tell (with my short abstinence) that my brain has been becoming very sharp - I'd say at an 80%. I still have my most intense anxiety first thing when I wake up, but it's always been that way for me - especially in the past.

I've been much more happy, but irritable in certain situations. Mostly (well always) in work situations. I feel like my coworkers are instigators and full of drama. My manager turned a situation around on me that she was completely irrational and disrespectful about and had no place injecting herself into. I verbatim told her: "You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about and you're obviously instigating something and turning into something that you don't know about. You're also putting words in my mouth and going behind my back talking **** and spreading untrue rumors. You need to stay in your lane and handle your own shift before I freak the **** out." She paused for a moment and said: "Well, were hiring two more servers to have 4 servers on the floor (we ALWAYS have 2)". I replied: "GOD grant me the serenity to walk away from your crazy ass - and while you're at it, hire three, because I will not work here with four people on the floor making half the money I make now - and just a word of advice, hire stronger servers and this wouldn't be an issue because the only reason you're hiring two more servers is because I'm carrying this restaurant as your best server." We haven't spoken in two days.

I hate to say it, but it felt good and I dont feel bad about it. I'm so tired of people who turn nothing into something and I'm no longer going to be quiet about it. I know they won't fire me though because (and I'm truthful honest and humble) I am truly their best server in that establishment.

GOD it felt good to get that out.

My plan:

So I've decided to stick to my original plan and include AVRT/therapy (Thank you daredevil). This seems to really be working for me at the moment and I genuinely am excited about it! I know it's somewhat untraditional, but it's been nothing sort of amazing so far. I've never had and intense AV, just quick impulses, but no hourly/daily obsessions. I haven't been on social media in almost three weeks and this is the biggest help I've had so far being abstinent. It's amazing, ya'll should try it. It's so toxic! I also don't remember the last time I've watched TV. One thing that has also helped me was to subscribe to Reddit. It's such a helpful sub forum with tons of advice that you can find really any thing too. I've replaced it with Facebook and it's been a night and day change as well. I suggest Reddit as well. Such such amazing advice.

The homless guy:

Still haven't heard from him/seen in about three weeks. I'm pretty much completely over him, which is amazing! Don't really think about him anymore. Still about 10% missing him, but ultimately, he's officially my past - but you know how people tend to show up right when you're feeling amazing - kinda like alcohol.

The concert:

It was nothing short of amazing. I'm so glad I went and there was absolutely no drinking involved. It actually really opened my eyes again to music- which is my ultimate passion that I have let ago. A lot of songs trigger me to drink so I'm branching out to newer music and really take a chance on deciphering the lyrics and really studying the music in general. It's an amazing gift I'm receiving again.

I have no major events coming up, so I'm feeling a little bit relieved that I don't have any expected triggers ahead, so I'm feeling very confident. I'm just really focused in a positive way right now that I'm feeling is going to stick.

Thanks for reading, would love to hear feedback of any type!

-Nick
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Old 08-31-2018, 04:09 PM
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Congrats Nick - you must be at 2 weeks plus by now

D
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Old 09-01-2018, 04:40 AM
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Hey Nick! Hope all is going okay. Glad Dee bumped this post up. I’ve been wondering how you’ve been getting along but have been working so much I’ve not kept up on the forum much. Hope you are still hanging in there and settling into the life of a non-drinker.
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