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Old 06-03-2018, 03:02 AM
  # 221 (permalink)  
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Irish- I am unsure if meetings 'are for anyone'. I try to go to them with a perception that it is way better than drinking, and who knows? I might learn something.
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Old 06-03-2018, 04:14 AM
  # 222 (permalink)  
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Morning all. Didn't get as much garage cleaning done yesterday as I liked. After coming home from shopping the trunk (boot) wouldn't open (electric lock, no key). Turned out to be a badly frayed electrical harness. Took a couple of hours laying directly in the trunk to splice and repair it.

Dear daughter want's to go downtown and watch the Pride parade this morning. Not sure what to expect for parking. Lots of walking involved I'm sure. At least the sun is coming out today.
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Old 06-03-2018, 05:09 AM
  # 223 (permalink)  
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Good morning!
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Old 06-03-2018, 05:38 AM
  # 224 (permalink)  
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I shall say good morning as well and somehow go back and read

♥♥
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Old 06-03-2018, 05:47 AM
  # 225 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Snufkin View Post
Uhh I have to say I nearly caved in today... I went to work, it was fine, busy... some of my colleagues finished their shift earlier and asked me if I want to join them drinking in the garden when I'm done. And I said YES, sure, fantastic, just text me your address and I will come. It hit me a few seconds later; wtf am I doing, why did I say that?
After we closed, I messaged them saying I'm not feeling well so I'm just gonna head home. Bad excuse. I know they're gonna pester me next time we're working together. I have to make sure everyone knows I decided to take a break from drinking...

On my way home, self-pity kicked in, and I still toyed with the idea of going there. Boo hoo, why oh why can't I get wasted in the garden like a normal person... Can't I learn to drink in moderetion? Was I even that bad... etc

I hate how selective my memory becomes after just a few sober weeks.
Oh love, the amount of times this ran through my head.....but errr.....read it back....wasted in the garden like a normal person.....hmmm.....

One of the ways I finally got over that oh I want to play too feeling was to laugh at myself here....I mean....I don't/didn't want to have a drink or two in the garden like a normal person who can enjoy a drink....no way....I wanted to get WASTED in the garden.....how much could I drink without the others noticing? Should I buy a bottle and keep it in my bag...yes....or there won't be enough.....and am I driving to this place where I am going to get wasted? Sure. Did I think that through? No....I no longer care. My AV has gone off and I am running with it....play the tape forward.....it is very very bad. Potentially fatal for me or someone else.

OK, so it's not really funny. But it's true for me.

Hope you are OK today Snuf, and you too Midnight darling..... and everyone here.
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Old 06-03-2018, 05:55 AM
  # 226 (permalink)  
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Maybe this is not about having to eat a mouse Midnight.....I understand that it feels that way, but maybe it is an experience that enhances your writing in some way....maybe the story of this trip in some part will become a writing piece that leads you somewhere else.

OK....I need coffee.

I hope that lady is OK bim. ♥

And love and hello to everyone I haven't said love and hello too.....that little white chick (owl?) is so cute I want to cuddle it off the page.
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Old 06-03-2018, 06:40 AM
  # 227 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by lrish View Post
Yesterdayís AA meeting had me in tears all day yesterday- dunno if itís the right fit for me but I will try again

Thing is Iím so emotionally hungover today so taking the day off to play computer games lol - this is the first weekend, the day Iíve not worked since I quit drinking a month ago - and maybe thatís a good thing, I def need the rest - feel wrung out today, time for self care
I think admitting out loud to other people who are ready to listen is a really powerful experience. Plus in my first meetings I had no boundaries at all due to alcohol. Everything someone said I took personally and I was still in the mode of worrying what people thought about me.

The emotional hangover goes away with sober time. I was so raw emotionally in that first month. I kept saying I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. I did go to a meeting every day (sometimes two or three meetings) for the first four months. It was mostly really good for me to get dressed and out of the house and around people who were trying to better themselves. Sometimes it was too much and that was when I would leave meetings. Like on Mother's Day. I was not ready for the shares in that meeting!

I was told by one of the AA members (who also works at a rehab) that emotional regulation takes about three months. I found that to be pretty true for me.

Just don't pick up a drink before the big changes happen. It is so worth it to keep going. It just takes a lot longer than we want it to!
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Old 06-03-2018, 07:11 AM
  # 228 (permalink)  
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oh, and I cried at pretty much every AA meeting for a month. So annoying!
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Old 06-03-2018, 07:55 AM
  # 229 (permalink)  
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I dropped by my favorite cafe to splyrge on some delicious food for dinner.

Something to drink?

Coffee, please.

Duality of this situation is incredible: I both like and hate it.
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Old 06-03-2018, 10:35 AM
  # 230 (permalink)  
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I've been pretty teary since I quit 3 days ago. I guess all of those emotions I've been trying to escape from need to come out. It feels good, though. Thanks to everyone for sharing and posting. I feel so supported and inspired to stay sober here.
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Old 06-03-2018, 11:01 AM
  # 231 (permalink)  
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Hello love.

I was teary...weepy....for ages. Like bim, I pretty much cried for the first month...twice.....I relapsed and got sober again....tears are good, cathartic.

So glad you are here with us.
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Old 06-03-2018, 11:03 AM
  # 232 (permalink)  
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Welcome to weekenders, Halvso!

First three months of sobriety my emotions were all over the place. It's natural processing of reconnecting with emotions. Embrace it.

I am back to the "castle".

It's getting dark.

Just 4 days to go.

I am sure when back home I will miss the sea and will beat myself up why couldn't I enjoy it more.

Weird creatures we are, human beings.

I feel really lost at this stage of life.

I can't feel and touch my purpose. And it scares me. I feel disconnected from life.

I feel like I can't postpone living my real life any more - I am not 20 y.o.

And yet I am freaking scared.

But I did enjoy my veal medallion with new potatoes, champignons, and pomegranate sauce - it was fantastic!
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Old 06-03-2018, 11:14 AM
  # 233 (permalink)  
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(((Midnight))) ♥

Sometimes I feel disconnected from life too, and I also find it frightening....I mentioned to Nick a little while ago that I now see this happens when I am getting sick and do not realise it.

Perhaps we each have different emotional or physical triggers that cause this to happen....for me it is always temporary....and afterwards, when I connect again. it is like taking off glasses that I didn't realise were dirty....such a surprise to see how bright and fresh and PRECIOUS everything is to me.

PS. Perfect dinner....although maybe a few more pieces of spinach.
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Old 06-03-2018, 11:15 AM
  # 234 (permalink)  
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I hope you feel more connected tomorrow MB.
Well we got through another weekend sober. YAY.
Goodnight weekenders.
V.
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Old 06-03-2018, 11:16 AM
  # 235 (permalink)  
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Nite Vinny love. xxxx ♥
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Old 06-03-2018, 11:52 AM
  # 236 (permalink)  
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Thank you, Venus)

I think I will feel more connected when I am back to my messy apartment)

Goodnight, Vinny.
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Old 06-03-2018, 01:09 PM
  # 237 (permalink)  
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Hi, Halvso! Glad to have you!
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Old 06-03-2018, 01:53 PM
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Very good posts here.
I am going to share a little story. When I first arrived at the recovery program (housing/addiction counseling, mandatory- good) I felt nothing. After near fatal burns, homelessness, blah..... The program had social stuff and I did a high ropes adventure thing. I have been terrified of heights my whole life...nearly lost a job once for refusing to fly in planes. Anyway- I did the ropey thing...to socialise, test the strength of my fried right arm (which nearly came off) and challenge the fear of heights. One activity was being strapped in a harness- pulled up about 30 feet off the ground- then being 'twanged' by 2 rubber ropes- like a slingshot. I felt nothing. A life time of fear..nothing. I did it a second time to make sure.

No woo-hoo's or high 5's - nothing.
I was disconnected, numb. Emotions welled up- mostly tear- and they still do and will do. My emotional 'maturity' is lagging waaay behind the thinks part. Perhaps it is like physical shock after trauma. We feel nothing at first (perhaps) then pain and tiredness etc- creep in over time.
Perhaps the disconnective feelings we get- followed by a storm of tears is a coping mechanism...so we do not get overwhelmed in feeling too much, too soon in sobriety..

Support to y'all.
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Old 06-03-2018, 02:50 PM
  # 239 (permalink)  
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Welcome to Weekenders Halvso!
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Old 06-03-2018, 03:53 PM
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hello everyone

Iím at the pizza party and doing great!!!


Just an update.....

Thanks for the good vibes and support


Free
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