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Old 06-03-2018, 05:47 AM
  # 225 (permalink)  
venuscat
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,022
Originally Posted by Snufkin View Post
Uhh I have to say I nearly caved in today... I went to work, it was fine, busy... some of my colleagues finished their shift earlier and asked me if I want to join them drinking in the garden when I'm done. And I said YES, sure, fantastic, just text me your address and I will come. It hit me a few seconds later; wtf am I doing, why did I say that?
After we closed, I messaged them saying I'm not feeling well so I'm just gonna head home. Bad excuse. I know they're gonna pester me next time we're working together. I have to make sure everyone knows I decided to take a break from drinking...

On my way home, self-pity kicked in, and I still toyed with the idea of going there. Boo hoo, why oh why can't I get wasted in the garden like a normal person... Can't I learn to drink in moderetion? Was I even that bad... etc

I hate how selective my memory becomes after just a few sober weeks.
Oh love, the amount of times this ran through my head.....but errr.....read it back....wasted in the garden like a normal person.....hmmm.....

One of the ways I finally got over that oh I want to play too feeling was to laugh at myself here....I mean....I don't/didn't want to have a drink or two in the garden like a normal person who can enjoy a drink....no way....I wanted to get WASTED in the garden.....how much could I drink without the others noticing? Should I buy a bottle and keep it in my bag...yes....or there won't be enough.....and am I driving to this place where I am going to get wasted? Sure. Did I think that through? No....I no longer care. My AV has gone off and I am running with it....play the tape forward.....it is very very bad. Potentially fatal for me or someone else.

OK, so it's not really funny. But it's true for me.

Hope you are OK today Snuf, and you too Midnight darling..... and everyone here.
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