LoveForMe

Hey guys. I've changed my name for privacy reasons.

Anyway... I have 184 days without alcohol.

I planned on drinking tonight when I get off work cause I'm off tomorrow. They asked me to come in and I'm still planning on drinking.

I know it's a bad idea but I don't care. I see that I obviously should be working more on my recovery but I don't care.

This is the only place I have for support right now... So here I am reaching out. I don't know why or if it'll help.

Thanks for reading. Back to work I go..

Ariesagain

Why?

Who or what are you drinking at?

And say you drink tomorrow...what happens Thursday?

tomsteve

explain why you dont care,please.
there aint NOTHIN happenin a drink will make better.
theres a crapton a drink will make worse.

you say ya dont care, but thats a lie or ya wouldnt have typed
So here I am reaching out. I don't know why or if it'll HELP

ScottFromWI

Glad you came here first LoveForMe. From the outside looking it, it's pretty obvious to me that you would not have come here if you had "given up" - you would have just started drinking. So even if you don't realize it there is definitely part of you that cares.

What is it you think you might gain by drinking? All it ever got me was more pain, more hangovers, more shame and pretty much more of everything i thought It would "fix:".

If there is something else in your life that is troubling you right now, drinking won't fix it either. Why not talk about it and see if there is a better solution?

tomsteve

thought of sumthin:
take a look at your new username.
show some of that tonight,eh?

Hevyn

LoveForMe - I hope talking things over here will help. 184 days is a great achievement - nothing will be made better by drinking. You'll be very disappointed in yourself, and whatever's wrong won't be resolved. I hope you won't sabotage yourself - please reconsider.

JustTony

Wow.

I can only dream of achieving 184 days.

Just commit to not drinking tonight. See what tomorrow brings when you awake with a sober head.

Tony

bartman65

May I ask why you stopped drinking in the first place? Do you remember the hangover? The half day spent recovering and unproductive? Did you get as much done when you were drinking? Do you feel better waking up now that you're sober? Do you treat your family and partner better now that you're sober? Have you saved money not drinking? Are you healthier now? Just curious

Stronger2017

After reading your post I thought maybe I don’t care too. But I would tomorrow if I drank today. Don’t go back.

Anna

I hope you change your mind. We're here for you.

canguy

Hang in there......it's only one night....just put it off for tonight.

least

I hope you don't drink.

doggonecarl

Six month milestone? Sounds like PAWS.

RogerD

184 days. Well, just stay sober one more night. See what tomorrow brings. You already have 184, just make it 185 then see.

Dee74

I hope you spend some time reading your old posts and reading other peoples stories.

The best we can hope for by going back the way we came is to get to a point where we want to try SR again - thats the BEST we can hope for.

Your inner addict is telling you you don't care but thats a demonstrable lie - you wouldn't post if you didn't care.

ask yourself - what is it you hope drinking will give you? what are you looking for ?
surely there are less self destructive ways to find it, whatever it is?

I went out for a nights drinking one night - didn't get sober again for 2 and a half years. 2 and a half years of daily all day drinking.

This is a momentous decision before you. Please... choose wisely.

D

FreeOwl

Sometimes that desire arises.

You don't have to act on it.

It's your CHOICE.

You've got a great foundation on a sober life, it seems like it would be a pretty big sacrifice to throw that away and return to the toxic despair of alcohol.

These desires can be a turning point.... we can use them as milestone signs that it's time to take some new actions to deepen our sobriety.

Get to a meeting, read the Big Book, call a sober role model, speak with a counselor, enroll in a martial art.... take a new SOBER ACTION.

I'm glad you shared and I'm glad you turned here... that is an ACTION which supports your continued, deepening sobriety and a rich, abundant, joyful. life.

What's the NEXT SOBER ACTION you'll take?

Berrybean

Maybe it's just time to get some more support and a more structured plan of recovery in place so you can start reaping some of the possible rewards of sobriety.

Besides. Only a few days ago you were peeved that your husband would think you'd drink again if left unsupervised. You really want to drink at him and prove him RIGHT????

Please, tell that nuts AV of yours to go take a hike You didn't get six month in just to be a puppet to that lying fool all over again did ya???

BB xx

LoveForMe

Thank you all so much for you're replies.

I read them and you guys asked a lot of questions that made me think.

I do care. And I don't want to give up. Drinking will kill me.

It's like jumping off a cliff. I know it'll end it death but there I was standing on the edge. I drove around to different stores and ended up home. Thank God. I ate dinner, had a soda and pie for dessert. I celebrated my 6 months alcohol-free!

I woke up this morning like it was a bad dream. I was SO happy to wake up sober feeling like a million dollars.

I am grateful for my sobriety and I hope to never let my AV get a hold of me that strong again. It was scary and exhausting.

Here's to day 185! That was a close call...

Thank you again😊

Hevyn

That's a relief, LFM. I'm so glad you made it over the hurdle.

Horn95

Great to hear!! Congrats on 6 mos.!!!