PalmerSage

Hi all, I have been on SR off and on for years now. I have attempted to stop drinking many times, and done so for up to about a year. Recently, I had an epiphany that I really need to focus on what I GAIN through sobriety rather than what I LOSE through the deprivation of not drinking. I know, it seems so obvious, but to those who are in true recovery...what was the turning point for you? I feel like my undoing is always the need to release the "wound up and restless" feeling that can only be relieved by alcohol.

Anna

That's the best way to look at it, for sure.

andyh

I definitely agree that I respond better to positive motivations - ie things that I will *gain* from not drinking.

how much of that feeling is *caused* by drinking though? I always found that alcohol would dampen down my restlessness & anxiety, but it would always come back, & come back worse each time.

also, is alcohol really the *only* way to (temporarily) relieve the feeling? it may well be the fastest & most reliable way, & require the least effort, but I wouldn't agree that it's the only way. there are thousands of other things you could do & I often find that if I can distract myself for 15 minutes then the feeling will pass.

PalmerSage

Very true, Andy! It's the quick-release valve.

Maudcat

Hi, PalmerSage.
Welcome.
I think we just come to the ‘enough’moment.
Enough with the sick morning feeling, red eyes, and the sense that everyone I work with can see exactly how it is.
Enough with the running around to different liquor stores.
Enough with the smaller and smaller box my life became because drink ruled it.
There was great relief in recognizing that me and alcohol needed to get a divorce.
Peace.

Awake61

what Maudcat said.

PalmerSage

Thanks Maudcat. I guess I've spent a lot of time on what I DON'T want (which is what you described) but not a lot of time thinking about all the doors that will open for me when I stop?

Dee74

I also agree its a great way to look at things - welcome PalmerSage

D

least

I focused on how much better I'd be able to care for my critters when sober. My reward is their happiness and good health.

I also love waking up sober and feeling good, as opposed to waking up feeling like hell and hating myself.

tomsteve

...what I LOSE through the deprivation of not drinking

deprivation-the damaging lack of material benefits considered to be basic necessities in a society.

depriving yourself of drinking causes a lack of material benefits???
causes a lack of basic necessities???
you lose things by not drinking????

August252015

Welcome! Glad you shared.

This is the kind of thinking AA encourages- look for those who have what you WANT, and follow suit. I had to be DONE drinking, full stop. Then, I could start working what has become a very dedicated AA recovery program (other people are successful with other programs- a plan of ACTION to stay sober and live a recovered life is the commonality).

My whole way of thinking is different now than it was when I was drinking. In EVERY possible way. I could quote you a lot of BB stuff, but the gist I'll mention here is that we can find a new peace and a new way of handling all manner of problems- or just LIFE, ha!- and what AA calls the "promises" can absolutely happen for us.

To me, absolutely EVERYTHING is better sober. Period. This means things like getting joy out of relationships instead of having drama and manipulation - it means exercise to get at those restless, discontent etc feelings I used to have and drink to - it means learning self-care and how to get out of a stressful situation graciously (at the beginning, just to get out!).....a whole lot of things.

I'd venture to say you can find this, too. You've had a good mental glimpse of what a different perspective could mean - hope you take yourself up on it.

Maudcat

Well, I can now go out on a summer night because I am not drunk by 7:30.
My spouse likes me again.
Stomach issues resolved within a month of quitting.
Emotionally present.
Bloated face, tummy, gone.
There really is no downside to quitting alcohol.
So...make your own list of good things to come.
Guarantee that the reality is so, so much better than you have imagined.
But you know that, right?
You have done this.

FreeOwl

That's totally been my experience.

I tried the "I HAVE to quit" method and it didn't work.

I shifted my focus to "I WANT sobriety" and it did.

thomas11

The wound up and restless feeling that can only be relieved with alcohol will go away in time. I know exactly what you are referring to. Our energy and emotions come to a head and we need to pop the cork. In time a calmness enters your soul and its very liberating and peaceful.

PalmerSage

Thanks, thomas! I guess that's what I was looking to hear...that the awful, tense, restlessness that goes without having a drink will be replaced with something else in time.

thomas11

Be patient and try not to get frustrated.

Forward12

Absolutely one of the tools in recovery is to not have the negative mindset that you are somehow "missing out" by not drinking, but to focus on all of the positives that have come without it.