Thank you all so much for you're replies.
I read them and you guys asked a lot of questions that made me think.
I do care. And I don't want to give up. Drinking will kill me.
It's like jumping off a cliff. I know it'll end it death but there I was standing on the edge. I drove around to different stores and ended up home. Thank God. I ate dinner, had a soda and pie for dessert. I celebrated my 6 months alcohol-free!
I woke up this morning like it was a bad dream. I was SO happy to wake up sober feeling like a million dollars.
I am grateful for my sobriety and I hope to never let my AV get a hold of me that strong again. It was scary and exhausting.
Here's to day 185! That was a close call...
Thank you again😊