21 days is better than no days I guess - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-17-2017, 07:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33

21 days is better than no days I guess


So I was doing well and made it to 21 days without a drink. I got through the withdrawal and had levelled out; I was feeling good.

Then I had some news that a friend of mine had been shot dead. I met up with a mutual friend for a bit of mutual support and I drank. We had 2 beers then I went home. I felt bad I'd broken my 21 days for the sake of a beer but meh, it was only a couple. I didn't get drunk.

Then I woke up at 11Am the following day still pissed and confused. I stumbled around my flat hunting for my phone to make an excuse as to why I wasn't at work or hadn't let anyone know in the first 2 hours I was meant to be there and discovered an empty bottle of whiskey in the kitchen. I genuinely have no recollection of buying or drinking the whiskey but I didn't end up in that state from just 2 beers.

This sort of total loss of control is why I decided to stop. I'm still at a bit of a loss as to why I even had that first beer; I guess it's just what I'm so used to doing in those situations not that I've known anyone else to get gunned down (being from the UK that's pretty rare). Still; it's been a lesson to learn from. I'm now on day 2 again and going past day 21 this time. 21 days sober is better than I've done in years; I think I just need to find some ways to cope with bad life events that don't involve drinking and I can chalk this one up to an important lesson. I think I need to start coming clean with people in real life and admitting I can't drink because I have a problem.

So it sucks I messed up but it's not stopping me from stopping just reaffirmed why I need to.
Bluemilk is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to Bluemilk For This Useful Post:
ChloeRose63 (10-18-2017), Culture (10-18-2017), DarklingSong (10-18-2017), Delilah1 (10-17-2017), HTown (10-18-2017), joy57 (10-17-2017), Mac4711 (10-18-2017), MythOfSisyphus (10-19-2017), Outonthetiles (10-17-2017), pooky (10-18-2017), SnazzyDresser (10-18-2017), Stayingsassy (10-18-2017), tomsteve (10-18-2017)
Old 10-17-2017, 07:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
joy57's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Cary, North Carolina
Posts: 1,420
I'm so sorry about your friend. That loss must feel pretty terrible. Join class of September for more support.
__________________
"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."
Sir James Barrie
joy57 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to joy57 For This Useful Post:
Bluemilk (10-18-2017), ChloeRose63 (10-18-2017), Delilah1 (10-17-2017)
Old 10-17-2017, 08:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
 
Gottalife's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Thailand
Posts: 6,431
I can relate to the blank spot. Often I didn’t remember taking the first drink it didn’t need any traumatic event to set me of though. It was more like autopilot.
21 days is good going. It was the best I could manage before I started into aa.

The thing is that life is full of traumatic events. It is a certainty that more stuff is coming your way, drunk or sober.

Some folks find it relatively easy to stay sober, as long as everything is going well. The best time I had was locked up in the nut farm, so easy to stay sober in there. But out there in life sooner or later something bad is going to happen. The question is how will I react?

I went to aa, worked the program, to ensure I would react sanely and normally, and not drink when something bad happens.

Did it work? Well, life certainly sent the bad stuff my way at times. I lost my father, my sponsor, my wife and my best friend to cancer the bottle never came up as an option. Instead I was able to handle things appropriately like a normal human being.

Maybe aa is something you ought to consider, unless there is something in your experience that tells you that next time you will be able to handle those blank spots.
__________________
Mike.

What you most need will be found where you least want to look
All BB quotes from 1st Edition.
Gottalife is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Gottalife For This Useful Post:
Bluemilk (10-18-2017), ChloeRose63 (10-18-2017), DarklingSong (10-18-2017), Delilah1 (10-17-2017), tomsteve (10-18-2017)
Old 10-17-2017, 08:54 PM   #4 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 178,442
Blog Entries: 1
I'm really sorry about your friend bluemilk.

And yeah - each time we try I think we learn a little more.

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Bluemilk (10-18-2017), ChloeRose63 (10-18-2017), DarklingSong (10-18-2017), Delilah1 (10-17-2017)
Old 10-17-2017, 10:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Delilah1's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 11,245
Hi Bluemilk.

I am so sorry about your friend. I am glad you are here and posting Day 2. Someone else suggested joining the monthly threa, join the October of 2017 class, or check in with your September group. Also, pop in and join us on the 24 hour thread.

❤️ Delilah
__________________
Delilah

ďIt is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.Ē
― Ernest Hemingway

Sobriety Date: January 1, 2016
Delilah1 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Delilah1 For This Useful Post:
Bluemilk (10-18-2017), ChloeRose63 (10-18-2017)
Old 10-17-2017, 11:28 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
SereneEdition's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,096
Bluemilk -

Sorry that you lost your friend.

Your insight that you drank b/c you didn't know what else to do resonated with my recovery. I was finally successful when I focused on learning what I really needed/what to do instead of drinking, instead of just focusing on avoiding drinking.

I was a bit slower than you in realizing that. It took me years until I learned that lesson...

Do you have a grief support group/friends to talk to about your loss?

Good luck!
SereneEdition is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to SereneEdition For This Useful Post:
Bluemilk (10-18-2017), ChloeRose63 (10-18-2017), DarklingSong (10-18-2017)
Old 10-18-2017, 09:16 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gottalife View Post
I can relate to the blank spot. Often I didnít remember taking the first drink it didnít need any traumatic event to set me of though. It was more like autopilot.
21 days is good going. It was the best I could manage before I started into aa.

The thing is that life is full of traumatic events. It is a certainty that more stuff is coming your way, drunk or sober.

Some folks find it relatively easy to stay sober, as long as everything is going well. The best time I had was locked up in the nut farm, so easy to stay sober in there. But out there in life sooner or later something bad is going to happen. The question is how will I react?

I went to aa, worked the program, to ensure I would react sanely and normally, and not drink when something bad happens.

Did it work? Well, life certainly sent the bad stuff my way at times. I lost my father, my sponsor, my wife and my best friend to cancer the bottle never came up as an option. Instead I was able to handle things appropriately like a normal human being.

Maybe aa is something you ought to consider, unless there is something in your experience that tells you that next time you will be able to handle those blank spots.
Yeah, this is the thing I'm thinking on now. I've never really wanted to go to AA because I'm not religious at all and I get a bit put off by the Christian undertones. Not that I have anything against religion and/or Christianity specifically; it just feels a bit... not sure what the word is... not for me? I am, however, thinking finding a support group and developing some strategies aside from "just don't drink" would be useful. Life won't stop being life regardless of what I'm drinking.
Bluemilk is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Bluemilk For This Useful Post:
ChloeRose63 (10-18-2017), DarklingSong (10-18-2017), Gottalife (10-18-2017)
Old 10-18-2017, 04:51 PM   #8 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 178,442
Blog Entries: 1
I'm not from the UK but there are other Brits here who may be able to share their experience...

here are some UK links & numbers that may be useful:

The National Alcohol Helpline-UK - Tel: 0800 917 8282
Offers help to callers worried about their own drinking; support to the family and friends of people who are drinking; advice to callers on where to go for help.

UK National AA Helpline
08457 697 555

Drinkline

Drinkline runs a free, confidential helpline for people who are concerned about their drinking, or someone else's.

Helpline: 0300 123 1110

FRANK

http://www.smartrecovery.org.uk/

Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd - Home

LifeRing UK - LifeRing

http://www.addaction.org.uk/


and some NHS links
http://www.nhs.uk/servicedirectories...ceType=Alcohol

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Bluemilk (10-19-2017), Gottalife (10-18-2017)
Old 10-18-2017, 06:32 PM   #9 (permalink)
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
 
Gottalife's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Thailand
Posts: 6,431
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluemilk View Post
Yeah, this is the thing I'm thinking on now. I've never really wanted to go to AA because I'm not religious at all and I get a bit put off by the Christian undertones. Not that I have anything against religion and/or Christianity specifically; it just feels a bit... not sure what the word is... not for me? I am, however, thinking finding a support group and developing some strategies aside from "just don't drink" would be useful. Life won't stop being life regardless of what I'm drinking.
I had a few issues about the god bit too. I used it a s a reason to stay away until I was almost dead. It really was my alcholism rationalising why I shouldn't go.

Then I think my ego got in on the act in the first few weeks sober. It wanted to be in charge, and it risked being exposed if I did some of those steps. The real issue was a reluctance to get honest, not really about God at all.

I know of people who have good reason to despise organised religion due to actual events in their lives. That wasn't me. Prejudice and ignorance was my basis for challenging the God thing. And maybe a fear that I would lose my identity if God took over my life.

I settled on the group as a higher power for a month or two, and as I worked the steps, I came to my own understanding about God.

It is strange but on the very rare occasions, I can think of two, where someone went of on a bit of a religious rant, the words Jesus Christ can still antagonise me, though I can think of no good reason why. I don't know what that is about.

I use the word God today because I can't think of anything better to describe what I mean. Bill once referred to him as the father of light, which is kinda nice but a bit long winded.

Apart from those to instances, which averages out at one every 18 years, I have not found religion to be an issue in AA. I wouldn't know most people's personal beliefs. We don't talk about them. The one I have sponsored have had different believes to me, some religious, some at the other end of the scale. The program allows for that. As long as their belief makes sense to them, that is really all that matters.
__________________
Mike.

What you most need will be found where you least want to look
All BB quotes from 1st Edition.
Gottalife is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Gottalife For This Useful Post:
Bluemilk (10-19-2017)
Old 10-18-2017, 08:22 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 2,724
There's a lot of honesty and owning up to what happened and also, to your problem. That's how you do it, you look at what happened, reaffirm the problem, and move forward. You'll make it past 21 days this time.

Good on you for not sinking into a bender or making the choice to moderate. You owned up.
Stayingsassy is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Stayingsassy For This Useful Post:
Bluemilk (10-19-2017)
Old 10-18-2017, 09:33 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Obladi's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: East Coast
Posts: 3,672
Blog Entries: 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluemilk View Post
I've never really wanted to go to AA because I'm not religious at all and I get a bit put off by the Christian undertones. Not that I have anything against religion and/or Christianity specifically; it just feels a bit... not sure what the word is... not for me?
I hear ya on that. But think about it; aren't most people in your area Christian? That's the case here (eastern USA), but more than a few people in my area refer to "my Higher Power, who I chose to call God." That's pretty inclusive in my book. I don't think I've ever heard anyone refer to JC as their HP, but if they did it wouldn't really bother me because that's their prerogative. My Higher Power is the Aum, the everything. But I often use "God" as It's name because that's universally understood. And I am most definitely not religious.

Just sayin.
__________________
Speaker said, "The reality is that only one of you in this room is going to make it." I'm going to be The One.
- Sentiment courtesy of Middlest
Obladi is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Obladi For This Useful Post:
Bluemilk (10-19-2017)
Old 10-19-2017, 08:42 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gottalife View Post
I had a few issues about the god bit too. I used it a s a reason to stay away until I was almost dead. It really was my alcholism rationalising why I shouldn't go.

Then I think my ego got in on the act in the first few weeks sober. It wanted to be in charge, and it risked being exposed if I did some of those steps. The real issue was a reluctance to get honest, not really about God at all.

I know of people who have good reason to despise organised religion due to actual events in their lives. That wasn't me. Prejudice and ignorance was my basis for challenging the God thing. And maybe a fear that I would lose my identity if God took over my life.

I settled on the group as a higher power for a month or two, and as I worked the steps, I came to my own understanding about God.

It is strange but on the very rare occasions, I can think of two, where someone went of on a bit of a religious rant, the words Jesus Christ can still antagonise me, though I can think of no good reason why. I don't know what that is about.

I use the word God today because I can't think of anything better to describe what I mean. Bill once referred to him as the father of light, which is kinda nice but a bit long winded.

Apart from those to instances, which averages out at one every 18 years, I have not found religion to be an issue in AA. I wouldn't know most people's personal beliefs. We don't talk about them. The one I have sponsored have had different believes to me, some religious, some at the other end of the scale. The program allows for that. As long as their belief makes sense to them, that is really all that matters.
You've touched on a few lines of thinking that go round in my head here and i think you're right about a few things. I think my ego may well be in the way a bit for me; I like to be an independent person and feel in control (one of the reasons drinking has been problematic for me is the loss of control I experience) the idea of accepting something is beyond my control is, quite frankly, a little scary. There may also be a part of me rationalizing that I don't want to go due to the religion aspect which may just be an excuse for not walking that road. It's been an insightful conversation so far and I'm seriously considering going to a local AA meeting, I checked it out and there regular(ish) meetings not far from where I live. Thank you.
Bluemilk is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Bluemilk For This Useful Post:
Gottalife (10-20-2017), Obladi (10-19-2017)
Old 10-19-2017, 08:50 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by SereneEdition View Post
Bluemilk -

Sorry that you lost your friend.

Your insight that you drank b/c you didn't know what else to do resonated with my recovery. I was finally successful when I focused on learning what I really needed/what to do instead of drinking, instead of just focusing on avoiding drinking.

I was a bit slower than you in realizing that. It took me years until I learned that lesson...

Do you have a grief support group/friends to talk to about your loss?

Good luck!
Thank you. I have a few really close friends who are always around when I need them, I'm seriously considering finding a support group for working through the booze issues now though. It may sound a bit callous but I've had friends leave us before, 3 suicides, 1 beaten to death, 1 car crash and now 1 gunned down so it's not the grief so much that made me drink again. It was more just... it's what we always used to do to blow off steam. Having written that; it sounds cold and I don't mean it to. Just not sure how else to word it...
Bluemilk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2017, 08:53 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by Obladi View Post
I hear ya on that. But think about it; aren't most people in your area Christian? That's the case here (eastern USA), but more than a few people in my area refer to "my Higher Power, who I chose to call God." That's pretty inclusive in my book. I don't think I've ever heard anyone refer to JC as their HP, but if they did it wouldn't really bother me because that's their prerogative. My Higher Power is the Aum, the everything. But I often use "God" as It's name because that's universally understood. And I am most definitely not religious.

Just sayin.
To be fair; nearly everyone I know has been Christened but I don't know anyone who practices Christianity and goes to church etc. I'm seriously considering going to a local AA meeting now and just swallowing my pride. Never know till you try it, eh?
Bluemilk is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Bluemilk For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (10-19-2017), Gottalife (10-20-2017)
Old 10-19-2017, 08:55 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
There's a lot of honesty and owning up to what happened and also, to your problem. That's how you do it, you look at what happened, reaffirm the problem, and move forward. You'll make it past 21 days this time.

Good on you for not sinking into a bender or making the choice to moderate. You owned up.
Thanks! I do try to be honest with myself; not going to get anywhere by denying reality and I'm tired of running from it.
Bluemilk is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Bluemilk For This Useful Post:
BrightenMeUp (10-19-2017), Dee74 (10-19-2017), Soberwolf (10-19-2017)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:32 AM.