Post ante vos pick sursum Weekender 24-26 Feb
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,764
G'mornin' fellow sober surfers!
(＾v＾)
-14 Celsius this morning with a forecast high of -9.
One of the things I do not miss in sobriety is the occasional mid-day panic attack "OMG, did I let the dog back in this morning?" Resulting in texts to the kids and call to the wife. I have never ever left him outside but by mid-day the morning was a blur. You don't register these important little details during your morning hang over.
(＾v＾)
-14 Celsius this morning with a forecast high of -9.
One of the things I do not miss in sobriety is the occasional mid-day panic attack "OMG, did I let the dog back in this morning?" Resulting in texts to the kids and call to the wife. I have never ever left him outside but by mid-day the morning was a blur. You don't register these important little details during your morning hang over.
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,209
Wow! Some weather extremes in this thread. Hopefully for SoberT and PhoenixJ those figures will be a bit closer by next weekend.
A rainy 7C in London. Thor had his hammer out this morning.
My boss has either lost an existing order or not got one he expected to get, either way he is in a foul mood so I am keeping my head down today.
A rainy 7C in London. Thor had his hammer out this morning.
My boss has either lost an existing order or not got one he expected to get, either way he is in a foul mood so I am keeping my head down today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
We're talking weather? Saturday I was at the beach and walking in the water in my bare feet. This morning I wake up and there are snowflakes the size of my hand coming down. It's beautiful, we don't get nearly enough snow.
If you made it through the weekend without picking up, good job! If not, don't continue to drink, just pour it out and start fresh.
I didn't drink, and I won't.
If you made it through the weekend without picking up, good job! If not, don't continue to drink, just pour it out and start fresh.
I didn't drink, and I won't.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
I'm so scared of going to my therapy session tomorrow. It's ridiculous. My AV tells me it'd help to have a bottle in the pocket, just for emergency.
I'm so confused, it's a very tricky situation for me. I don't know who or what to believe or do. My therapist doesn't take my addiction seriously and tells me to pressure myself more. I think I'm not there yet and feel the base of my sobriety cracking unde my feet. My base was to avoid stress and pressure and allow myself to be myself again. Everyone always has such high expectations of me cause they see some kind of potential and I feel like I can never meet them and disappoint everyone. I don't care too much about my potential, I just want to be happy. But I don't want everyone to constantly tell me how I could reach this or that if I tried harder. I don't want this or that. Why do people care so much about what I do and so little about how I feel?
I'm so confused, it's a very tricky situation for me. I don't know who or what to believe or do. My therapist doesn't take my addiction seriously and tells me to pressure myself more. I think I'm not there yet and feel the base of my sobriety cracking unde my feet. My base was to avoid stress and pressure and allow myself to be myself again. Everyone always has such high expectations of me cause they see some kind of potential and I feel like I can never meet them and disappoint everyone. I don't care too much about my potential, I just want to be happy. But I don't want everyone to constantly tell me how I could reach this or that if I tried harder. I don't want this or that. Why do people care so much about what I do and so little about how I feel?
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,209
Welcome to Weekenders MsCooterBrown, good to see you. Everyone starts on day one so don't be too hard on yourself.
Kevlarsjal, don't worry about other people's expectations of you, they are not important. Only your own matter. It's the same with drinking, we can't quit drinking for others no matter how close.
Miserable rainy day today.
Kevlarsjal, don't worry about other people's expectations of you, they are not important. Only your own matter. It's the same with drinking, we can't quit drinking for others no matter how close.
Miserable rainy day today.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
I ALWAYS leave clinical on Monday with a HORRIBLE headache! I don't know what it is.
We went up to the dementia unit to help feed residents lunch.. I got a tough one. If I could get her to do anything, it was little nips I wouldn't count as actual bites of food. She would sing and tell me I was pretty. The staff told me the only way she eats anything is if I dump half a sugar packet on each bite of food! I feel like she was mostly licking the sugar off the top lol
It was hard. I thought I didn't mind feeding, but I've never had people this uncooperative. Last week I had one that would barely open her eyes the entire time. I'm like, How do I know she's even staying awake??
I need to be a more outgoing assertive person for this. Even getting my two assigned residents up and moving at 7 was hard. I HATE waking people. And there is a way to do it that is nice and still effective, but the way I go about it, I think I make it easy for them to ignore me and do whatever they want. And I feel bad but in a nursing home you have to get the residents up and washed and dressed and then pass breakfast trays because the nurse is passing meds and then they have appointments like pt and before you know it it's lunch time.. It's surprising how fast paced it seems to be.
And the first thing I thought walking out to my car was I wanted to go grab some wine. I mean it was fleeting, but it happens at the end of these days now.
Happy to be in my sweatpants and have my coffee, took some ibuprofen and the headache is letting up. I hope I can be productive tonight in some way, at the very least relax and read.
We went up to the dementia unit to help feed residents lunch.. I got a tough one. If I could get her to do anything, it was little nips I wouldn't count as actual bites of food. She would sing and tell me I was pretty. The staff told me the only way she eats anything is if I dump half a sugar packet on each bite of food! I feel like she was mostly licking the sugar off the top lol
It was hard. I thought I didn't mind feeding, but I've never had people this uncooperative. Last week I had one that would barely open her eyes the entire time. I'm like, How do I know she's even staying awake??
I need to be a more outgoing assertive person for this. Even getting my two assigned residents up and moving at 7 was hard. I HATE waking people. And there is a way to do it that is nice and still effective, but the way I go about it, I think I make it easy for them to ignore me and do whatever they want. And I feel bad but in a nursing home you have to get the residents up and washed and dressed and then pass breakfast trays because the nurse is passing meds and then they have appointments like pt and before you know it it's lunch time.. It's surprising how fast paced it seems to be.
And the first thing I thought walking out to my car was I wanted to go grab some wine. I mean it was fleeting, but it happens at the end of these days now.
Happy to be in my sweatpants and have my coffee, took some ibuprofen and the headache is letting up. I hope I can be productive tonight in some way, at the very least relax and read.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Originally Posted by BixBees505 
I was talking to my partner a little bit about my addiction on Saturday, and she said, "it is so weird...is is like you have two different brains making different decisions".
Yup.
Yup.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Originally Posted by kevlarsjal
I'm so scared of going to my therapy session tomorrow. It's ridiculous. My AV tells me it'd help to have a bottle in the pocket, just for emergency.
I'm so confused, it's a very tricky situation for me. I don't know who or what to believe or do. My therapist doesn't take my addiction seriously and tells me to pressure myself more. I think I'm not there yet and feel the base of my sobriety cracking unde my feet. My base was to avoid stress and pressure and allow myself to be myself again. Everyone always has such high expectations of me cause they see some kind of potential and I feel like I can never meet them and disappoint everyone. I don't care too much about my potential, I just want to be happy. But I don't want everyone to constantly tell me how I could reach this or that if I tried harder. I don't want this or that. Why do people care so much about what I do and so little about how I feel?
I'm so confused, it's a very tricky situation for me. I don't know who or what to believe or do. My therapist doesn't take my addiction seriously and tells me to pressure myself more. I think I'm not there yet and feel the base of my sobriety cracking unde my feet. My base was to avoid stress and pressure and allow myself to be myself again. Everyone always has such high expectations of me cause they see some kind of potential and I feel like I can never meet them and disappoint everyone. I don't care too much about my potential, I just want to be happy. But I don't want everyone to constantly tell me how I could reach this or that if I tried harder. I don't want this or that. Why do people care so much about what I do and so little about how I feel?
What does she even mean by pressure yourself more? Have you asked her to elaborate on what she wants you to do and why?
It sounds like she has no idea what recovery from addiction entails?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Good you made it back MsCB!
Thanks for saying Sao! I really struggle with that, always been a people pleaser and it just hurts me when I feel like I disappoint people. But you're so right, it's me I'm doing this for, my sobriety, my rules. I have to learn to value my opinions and decisions more.
Bix, I can relate to the two brains. One of them is the AV-brain and unfortunately it's connected to my hands too. But as long as I recognise it as the AV brain I can decide to ignore what it suggests. I didn't get a bottle. Cause I don't want to drink. So there's no point in carrying it around for "safety".
Brenda, your work day sounds tough. Glad I don't have to deal much with other people while studying at least. I hope you can enjoy a relaxed evening, I think you really deserve it.
Brenda, Gilmer: Yes I'm considering to change therapists. According to her website she's specialised in alcoholism (among other things) but I have my doubts about it. She suggested I should go to bars more with my friends and have a beer. That seems like one of the worst pieces of advise a therapist could give to one of us. I feel like she doesn't prepare well before our sessions either. She said that about the pressuring when I told her about how I felt like I made progress in my recovery by removing the pressure and now slowly getting back into studying, one step at a time. Not worrying too much about how much I get done, as long as I spend a couple of hours per day (excluding weekends) reading my study books. And then reward myself with some me-time in the evening. She found that not a good idea and said I should rather study every day, even the weekends and pressure myself a bit more in order to get done asap cause I'm 27 already and have no time to lose. I found that to be a big trigger. And I do too got the impression she doesn't know how much work recovery is and how much energy it takes. I'll confront her about that tomorrow and then see what I'll do.
Thanks for saying Sao! I really struggle with that, always been a people pleaser and it just hurts me when I feel like I disappoint people. But you're so right, it's me I'm doing this for, my sobriety, my rules. I have to learn to value my opinions and decisions more.
Bix, I can relate to the two brains. One of them is the AV-brain and unfortunately it's connected to my hands too. But as long as I recognise it as the AV brain I can decide to ignore what it suggests. I didn't get a bottle. Cause I don't want to drink. So there's no point in carrying it around for "safety".
Brenda, your work day sounds tough. Glad I don't have to deal much with other people while studying at least. I hope you can enjoy a relaxed evening, I think you really deserve it.
Brenda, Gilmer: Yes I'm considering to change therapists. According to her website she's specialised in alcoholism (among other things) but I have my doubts about it. She suggested I should go to bars more with my friends and have a beer. That seems like one of the worst pieces of advise a therapist could give to one of us. I feel like she doesn't prepare well before our sessions either. She said that about the pressuring when I told her about how I felt like I made progress in my recovery by removing the pressure and now slowly getting back into studying, one step at a time. Not worrying too much about how much I get done, as long as I spend a couple of hours per day (excluding weekends) reading my study books. And then reward myself with some me-time in the evening. She found that not a good idea and said I should rather study every day, even the weekends and pressure myself a bit more in order to get done asap cause I'm 27 already and have no time to lose. I found that to be a big trigger. And I do too got the impression she doesn't know how much work recovery is and how much energy it takes. I'll confront her about that tomorrow and then see what I'll do.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Good work, kevlarsjal. I'm pretty sure your therapist is in worse shape than you are! Exchange her for a good one!
I had my truncated meeting today, and because it was so short, I was able to keep my cool. This gives me another week in which to keep working on my own head while I rejigger how this client relationship is transacted.
Got bad news around noon about a close family health crisis. I will travel this week to help there. Trying to digest what it means or could mean. Very worried.
So this evening I'll get things organized at home and at work so I can travel asap.
I had my truncated meeting today, and because it was so short, I was able to keep my cool. This gives me another week in which to keep working on my own head while I rejigger how this client relationship is transacted.
Got bad news around noon about a close family health crisis. I will travel this week to help there. Trying to digest what it means or could mean. Very worried.
So this evening I'll get things organized at home and at work so I can travel asap.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Okay, I think now I am seeing a clearer picture, kev.
I can't wrap my mind around why someone claiming that alcoholism is one of their areas of expertise would actually suggest you hang out in a bleeping bar..
Not withstanding though.. I think she wants you to push yourself a little more so you don't fall short of your intended goals? You may not need to study every single day, but you could, and I don't know what you're studying, but that may or may not be necessary. Point is, would spending a little more time each day studying produce a better result and is that motivating you?
I personally have not been studying at all lately - I do need to put a bit more pressure on myself and commit to studying every day! Or I am going to fail this course! And for me, anything below a 74% C is failing.
I got a 95 A on my first test, an 84 B on my second. My next one is in two weeks, I will have to spend my entire spring break studying now because I have not studied one drop yet for this new material. Because I am lazy and I need to apply myself more.
Because if I fall short of my goals, and do poorly on this test I'll be so mad at myself.. Granted, if I did astronomically bad on this one, I'd still have a passing grade overall, though I'd have to work hard to do well on the final. So as you can see I am giving myself so much permission to put forth minimal effort and accept a mediocre result that is nowhere near what I know I am capable of. Am I going to respect myself the same for just barely skating by as I would for really working hard and excelling to the best of my ability as I should be??
Because that was the whole point of getting sober!!!!!!
I was sick of just barely getting by on a good day, and failing miserably on an average day, all because I drank so much! I knew I would never accomplish anything. And here I am at six months sober, putting little to no effort in and wanting success inasmuch as I want to graduate in December.. but I haven't been pushing - or to use her word, pressuring - myself to do it right, in the way that I can be proud of.. I quit drinking so I could accomplish things I can say I'm proud of.. I didn't quit drinking just so I could continue living exactly the same way as I did before!
Sorry about the big ass rant, but I finally got off my big ass and took it to the gym after 3 months of making excuses and I feel fantastic now. I did something I didn't really want to do, because I knew I would feel better once I had done it, and I know I will be better in the future if I push myself in to the gym on a regular basis.. and it's the same thing with our studying.
I can't wrap my mind around why someone claiming that alcoholism is one of their areas of expertise would actually suggest you hang out in a bleeping bar..
Not withstanding though.. I think she wants you to push yourself a little more so you don't fall short of your intended goals? You may not need to study every single day, but you could, and I don't know what you're studying, but that may or may not be necessary. Point is, would spending a little more time each day studying produce a better result and is that motivating you?
I personally have not been studying at all lately - I do need to put a bit more pressure on myself and commit to studying every day! Or I am going to fail this course! And for me, anything below a 74% C is failing.
I got a 95 A on my first test, an 84 B on my second. My next one is in two weeks, I will have to spend my entire spring break studying now because I have not studied one drop yet for this new material. Because I am lazy and I need to apply myself more.
Because if I fall short of my goals, and do poorly on this test I'll be so mad at myself.. Granted, if I did astronomically bad on this one, I'd still have a passing grade overall, though I'd have to work hard to do well on the final. So as you can see I am giving myself so much permission to put forth minimal effort and accept a mediocre result that is nowhere near what I know I am capable of. Am I going to respect myself the same for just barely skating by as I would for really working hard and excelling to the best of my ability as I should be??
Because that was the whole point of getting sober!!!!!!
I was sick of just barely getting by on a good day, and failing miserably on an average day, all because I drank so much! I knew I would never accomplish anything. And here I am at six months sober, putting little to no effort in and wanting success inasmuch as I want to graduate in December.. but I haven't been pushing - or to use her word, pressuring - myself to do it right, in the way that I can be proud of.. I quit drinking so I could accomplish things I can say I'm proud of.. I didn't quit drinking just so I could continue living exactly the same way as I did before!
Sorry about the big ass rant, but I finally got off my big ass and took it to the gym after 3 months of making excuses and I feel fantastic now. I did something I didn't really want to do, because I knew I would feel better once I had done it, and I know I will be better in the future if I push myself in to the gym on a regular basis.. and it's the same thing with our studying.
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