Post ante vos pick sursum Weekender 24-26 Feb
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Join Date: May 2014
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Originally Posted by Tetra 
Actually I think 'jaded' is the word.
I fear my work is getting sloppy but sometimes things happen and I'm not sure if it was down to me or someone else.
A lot of people there seem to know exactly how much work they have to do according to their contract and God forbid they go beyond that.
I was also surprised this week to see a colleague booking in one of her family members for some kind of tests. She knows people there so she got the doctor to sign off and this person got to jump the queue. Bear in mind that the waiting lists for everything are extremely long. Is this how things work?
I would like a holiday. I haven't left this country for almost 3 years.
I fear my work is getting sloppy but sometimes things happen and I'm not sure if it was down to me or someone else.
A lot of people there seem to know exactly how much work they have to do according to their contract and God forbid they go beyond that.
I was also surprised this week to see a colleague booking in one of her family members for some kind of tests. She knows people there so she got the doctor to sign off and this person got to jump the queue. Bear in mind that the waiting lists for everything are extremely long. Is this how things work?
I would like a holiday. I haven't left this country for almost 3 years.
The last time I traveled anywhere it was a trip to Alaska in 2011. And before that I went to Hawaii in 2008.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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Yeah, you can get cheap flights to the rest of Europe from here. There is nothing like the excitement of packing a suitcase - whether it's to London or to Leitrim, Ireland.
The evenings are very long. I go to work, come home, eat, go for a walk and come back again.
There was a time in my life when I was so lonely that I used to send myself a text message just to see the screen light up. I'm not quite at that stage now...but close
The evenings are very long. I go to work, come home, eat, go for a walk and come back again.
There was a time in my life when I was so lonely that I used to send myself a text message just to see the screen light up. I'm not quite at that stage now...but close
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Join Date: May 2014
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Tetra, in middle school we had Christmas Candy-grams... a little card with a sucker, you could buy and send to your friends.. you were a loser if you didn't get any Candy-grams.. So I sent myself two, because I knew I wasn't going to get any otherwise.
20 years later, Facebook and SR are my only source of socializing, and I complain because I know I look like a loser to others, but I'm truly not interested most of the time.. The rest of my clinical group were hanging out by one girl's car after clinical..chatting I guess? I don't know what they do, they were just standing there instead of getting in their cars and going home. I just wanted to go home and get away from people, I had been with people for six hours straight.
I know social isolation is a cause of depression and a risk factor for relapse, but I just don't "get" people. Everyone was talking about something I wasn't interested in and laughing at something I'm not sure was funny.. and I was kind of zoning out and the one girl's like "Look at [Brenda]'s face".. I wasn't reacting or making any kind of face. I was only half listening. I didn't care about what they were saying, but they had to imagine what I was thinking of what they were saying.
I'm rambling really bad...
20 years later, Facebook and SR are my only source of socializing, and I complain because I know I look like a loser to others, but I'm truly not interested most of the time.. The rest of my clinical group were hanging out by one girl's car after clinical..chatting I guess? I don't know what they do, they were just standing there instead of getting in their cars and going home. I just wanted to go home and get away from people, I had been with people for six hours straight.
I know social isolation is a cause of depression and a risk factor for relapse, but I just don't "get" people. Everyone was talking about something I wasn't interested in and laughing at something I'm not sure was funny.. and I was kind of zoning out and the one girl's like "Look at [Brenda]'s face".. I wasn't reacting or making any kind of face. I was only half listening. I didn't care about what they were saying, but they had to imagine what I was thinking of what they were saying.
I'm rambling really bad...
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Join Date: Oct 2016
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I really liked your rant there Brenda! And well done for going to the gym! Can I ask what you study? My goal is to graduate in December too. But I think adding more pressure would not help me but make it worse. When I feel pressured I get so scared it's either paralysing me, I collapse or I escape. Which I used to do by drinking. I don't know why I can't handle any kind of pressure, I was never good at it but since something really horrible happened to me when I was 19 I just can't handle it at all. As an example: it might seem a bit contra intuitive but when my boyfriend told me that he wouldn't be angry if I relapsed and would still be there and support me as long as I don't give up, it took so much pressure from me and I think it's really helped me to stay sober. I find love much more motivating than fear, so my approach was self-love. To get back into studying I told myself it's my decision how much I do and when I do it and that it's okay to only do a couple of pages if I don't feel like doing more that day. Otherwise it'd end with me sitting there and studying for 10 hours without allowing myself to even eat. A bit crazy there. So it's not the lazyness that kept me from it but the fear that came from feeling pressured (mostly by my dad's expectations).
I had another therapy session today and last night I made a very clear plan with my BF on what I want to tell her but when I was there I didn't feel like I could handle confronting her. So I just told her that last time left me feeling miserable all week and brought me very close to drinking again and I told her I felt misunderstood and like she didn't approve my approach to recovery. I also asked her how much she knows about addictions and she just said "enough to help people to recover from them". Not that sure. About last weeks session she said she tried to trigger some emotions but she thinks it might've been the wrong approach. Didn't clarify why she did that or what kind of emotions she wanted to trigger. I don't know how I feel about it. I mean maybe that's necessary but I think she could've been a bit more careful. I'm not that stable in sobriety yet.
I don't know if I want to make a decision yet. Maybe I'll give it a few more weeks and then see if I want to change therapists or not.
I had another therapy session today and last night I made a very clear plan with my BF on what I want to tell her but when I was there I didn't feel like I could handle confronting her. So I just told her that last time left me feeling miserable all week and brought me very close to drinking again and I told her I felt misunderstood and like she didn't approve my approach to recovery. I also asked her how much she knows about addictions and she just said "enough to help people to recover from them". Not that sure. About last weeks session she said she tried to trigger some emotions but she thinks it might've been the wrong approach. Didn't clarify why she did that or what kind of emotions she wanted to trigger. I don't know how I feel about it. I mean maybe that's necessary but I think she could've been a bit more careful. I'm not that stable in sobriety yet.
I don't know if I want to make a decision yet. Maybe I'll give it a few more weeks and then see if I want to change therapists or not.
saoutchik
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
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I think that there are a lot of shy people on this thread and on SR generally. Alcohol and maybe other drugs help shy people overcome their shyness but in an artificial and shallow way that rarely leads to meaningful relationships. I am not a shy person but when I was drinking I made lots of drinking buddies but that's all I was to them and they to me. I rarely saw them outside of a drinking scenario and no longer see them at all. Some people also mistake being reserved for shyness. I guess it takes all sorts, we can't all be an Oprah Winfrey or Jay Leno.
I had fish and chips tonight, man it is getting expensive.
I had fish and chips tonight, man it is getting expensive.
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Join Date: Oct 2016
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Strangely after catching up on this thread I have a craving for pancakes!
Sao, good luck with finishing the chair!
I'm sorry for your loss ruby, that's horrible news! But so true what you say about reaching out to the ones we love more.
Same here tetra, I'm mega tired most of the time and my energy levels, although getting better, are still very low at 4 months sober. I will make a doctors appointment to get tested for allergies. Or maybe it's just my sleep that's a bit "brittle" sometimes. (Sorry couldn't resist)
Brenda: Yes I see what you mean. Still I think I have to disagree. I think theres different types of people. Some need to push themselves to be the most productive, others have to be in their comfort zone. I used to work with traumatised animals at a shelter and some of them needed a strong hand that gave clear commands and with others you had to make them feel safe and be very patient and then they developed.
If I get "pushed" out of my comfort zone I won't develop. I've been like that since being a child. I have to get "convinced" or "motivated" to leave my comfort zone voluntarily. Anyway, when I'm feeling happy and relaxed and SAFE (which I only do in my comfort zone) I am the most productive. Comfort zone to me doesn't mean doing the same thing every day or never leaving the couch, it means to discover and learn new things every day but in my own pace and without feeling forced.
Sao, good luck with finishing the chair!
I'm sorry for your loss ruby, that's horrible news! But so true what you say about reaching out to the ones we love more.
Same here tetra, I'm mega tired most of the time and my energy levels, although getting better, are still very low at 4 months sober. I will make a doctors appointment to get tested for allergies. Or maybe it's just my sleep that's a bit "brittle" sometimes. (Sorry couldn't resist)
Brenda: Yes I see what you mean. Still I think I have to disagree. I think theres different types of people. Some need to push themselves to be the most productive, others have to be in their comfort zone. I used to work with traumatised animals at a shelter and some of them needed a strong hand that gave clear commands and with others you had to make them feel safe and be very patient and then they developed.
If I get "pushed" out of my comfort zone I won't develop. I've been like that since being a child. I have to get "convinced" or "motivated" to leave my comfort zone voluntarily. Anyway, when I'm feeling happy and relaxed and SAFE (which I only do in my comfort zone) I am the most productive. Comfort zone to me doesn't mean doing the same thing every day or never leaving the couch, it means to discover and learn new things every day but in my own pace and without feeling forced.
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Join Date: May 2014
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Whatever. But it's the exact same way of thinking that made us turn back to the bottle repeatedly even though we knew it was bad for us, because it was all about avoiding discomfort. Withdrawal would be too hard, we couldn't, and wouldn't, cope. The best ****ing days of my life happened because I pushed myself to do something that made me immensely uncomfortable.
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Yeah I get it Brenda. Honestly I spend my evenings on Facebook or SR. I have to get out of this rut because it's doing me no good at all.
For example at work out of the 5 of us, I am the only one who is not married. There are 2 of us who don't have children. I have nothing in common with some of them and when they chat about their kids - as parents do - I feel my eyes glaze over.
They had 2 Christmas parties in December. I pushed myself to attend both. I know that they had some kind of gathering 2 weeks ago with a couple of other women who used to work there but are out on maternity leave. I was not invited to that.
Still I have coffee with them every day. A couple of years ago I wouldn't have even done that.
Sorry about your friend Ruby.
For example at work out of the 5 of us, I am the only one who is not married. There are 2 of us who don't have children. I have nothing in common with some of them and when they chat about their kids - as parents do - I feel my eyes glaze over.
They had 2 Christmas parties in December. I pushed myself to attend both. I know that they had some kind of gathering 2 weeks ago with a couple of other women who used to work there but are out on maternity leave. I was not invited to that.
Still I have coffee with them every day. A couple of years ago I wouldn't have even done that.
Sorry about your friend Ruby.
saoutchik
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,210
Sorry about your former schoolmate Ruby.
BixBees I wish the family member all the best.
In the last half an hour someone has emailed a sizable order in. That should cheer the boss up tomorrow enough for me to paint the chair during work time (hopefully)
BixBees I wish the family member all the best.
In the last half an hour someone has emailed a sizable order in. That should cheer the boss up tomorrow enough for me to paint the chair during work time (hopefully)
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Originally Posted by Tetra
Yeah I get it Brenda. Honestly I spend my evenings on Facebook or SR. I have to get out of this rut because it's doing me no good at all.
For example at work out of the 5 of us, I am the only one who is not married. There are 2 of us who don't have children. I have nothing in common with some of them and when they chat about their kids - as parents do - I feel my eyes glaze over.
They had 2 Christmas parties in December. I pushed myself to attend both. I know that they had some kind of gathering 2 weeks ago with a couple of other women who used to work there but are out on maternity leave. I was not invited to that.
Still I have coffee with them every day. A couple of years ago I wouldn't have even done that.
Sorry about your friend Ruby.
For example at work out of the 5 of us, I am the only one who is not married. There are 2 of us who don't have children. I have nothing in common with some of them and when they chat about their kids - as parents do - I feel my eyes glaze over.
They had 2 Christmas parties in December. I pushed myself to attend both. I know that they had some kind of gathering 2 weeks ago with a couple of other women who used to work there but are out on maternity leave. I was not invited to that.
Still I have coffee with them every day. A couple of years ago I wouldn't have even done that.
Sorry about your friend Ruby.
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
I'm glad you've found a way that works for you Brenda 
but even though we all have the same problem (addiction) we're all different.
I came to the conclusion that it was the pressure that made me pick up. So I try and avoid it as much as possible. I still study, I still develop, I challenge myself and I do uncomfortable things when they need to be done. What I don't do any longer is to push myself when I don't really have to. I learn to listen to myself, I learn to say "no", I learn to forgive me, I learn to accept I can't be perfect all the time and I can't please everyone.
Btw it's not the kind of pushing yourself to do something when you just feel a bit lazy and unmotivated. Like when you don't wanna leave the house on a rainy day but then you give yourself a little push and go somewhere with your friends and end up having the best time. Or staying up that extra hours late night before you have to hand in a paper.
I'm talking about pressuring yourself about every aspect of your life all day everyday. Which I did. I tried to do everything perfect in no time, cook healthy meals, always keep the house tidy and clean, getting perfect grades, always being helpful, taking care of others' problems, while always looking pretty and being nice and polite to everyone and never disappointing anyone. And if I felt like I failed I beat myself up by adding more pressure.
Drinking was the only "flaw" I allowed myself to have. But I realised I was just about to collapse. It didn't feel like my life anymore.
but even though we all have the same problem (addiction) we're all different. I came to the conclusion that it was the pressure that made me pick up. So I try and avoid it as much as possible. I still study, I still develop, I challenge myself and I do uncomfortable things when they need to be done. What I don't do any longer is to push myself when I don't really have to. I learn to listen to myself, I learn to say "no", I learn to forgive me, I learn to accept I can't be perfect all the time and I can't please everyone.
Btw it's not the kind of pushing yourself to do something when you just feel a bit lazy and unmotivated. Like when you don't wanna leave the house on a rainy day but then you give yourself a little push and go somewhere with your friends and end up having the best time. Or staying up that extra hours late night before you have to hand in a paper.
I'm talking about pressuring yourself about every aspect of your life all day everyday. Which I did. I tried to do everything perfect in no time, cook healthy meals, always keep the house tidy and clean, getting perfect grades, always being helpful, taking care of others' problems, while always looking pretty and being nice and polite to everyone and never disappointing anyone. And if I felt like I failed I beat myself up by adding more pressure.
Drinking was the only "flaw" I allowed myself to have. But I realised I was just about to collapse. It didn't feel like my life anymore.
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This => "I have to get "convinced" or "motivated" to leave my comfort zone voluntarily." Kev, I'm the same way. If I'm pushed or pressured to leave my comfort zone, I tend to panic or shut down and become adamant about not leaving. If I do it on my own, I feel better about leaving. Sometimes it takes a while, sometimes not. It depends on the circumstances. I have a harder time with work related stuff than social stuff. But I get what you're saying.
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
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Merde! il fait froid!
Guess what we had for dinner? Pancakes! (And Bacon!) Told my wife about Shrove Tuesday. She texted the kids and told them Dad said we could have breakfast for supper. They were happy about that.
Guess what we had for dinner? Pancakes! (And Bacon!) Told my wife about Shrove Tuesday. She texted the kids and told them Dad said we could have breakfast for supper. They were happy about that.
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Join Date: May 2014
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Might go get ashes after class tomorrow but *blush* I don't even know what it means!
My AV is acting up tonight, I keep thinking about that guy I had the almost affair with and the wife and what I might have said had she confronted me.. So silly.
I think it was just a stressful day and I was hormonal too.. And there's this guy in maintenance at the nursing home who looks SO MUCH like the guy at the center of all the drama I'm still struggling to let go of.. Same height (lack of it) and facial features, but he has a ponytail which is oddly charming.
I am finding I am attracted to really simple men who do really simple jobs like fix stuff when it breaks and drive big trucks. Why is that? Maybe I instinctively know I don't want a man with a mind as complicated as mine?
Maybe it is wrong to pigeon-hole the guys in those jobs as less intelligent.. but I dated nuclear engineers and doctoral candidates in the past. Not that I prefer those, but I compare because I can.
My AV is acting up tonight, I keep thinking about that guy I had the almost affair with and the wife and what I might have said had she confronted me.. So silly.
I think it was just a stressful day and I was hormonal too.. And there's this guy in maintenance at the nursing home who looks SO MUCH like the guy at the center of all the drama I'm still struggling to let go of.. Same height (lack of it) and facial features, but he has a ponytail which is oddly charming.
I am finding I am attracted to really simple men who do really simple jobs like fix stuff when it breaks and drive big trucks. Why is that? Maybe I instinctively know I don't want a man with a mind as complicated as mine?
Maybe it is wrong to pigeon-hole the guys in those jobs as less intelligent.. but I dated nuclear engineers and doctoral candidates in the past. Not that I prefer those, but I compare because I can.
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Sorry to hear about your friend Ruby. It's so sad that she got sober but couldn't go on to live a happier life. I'm glad she had the sober year.
tetra...maybe a trip would do you good. Go on an adventure. ..someplace wonderful. By yourself.
I agree that we have to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. When we screw the fear and do it, we grow in amazing ways. Things like that can happen in sobriety. If we don't occasionally push ourselves, we remain stuck.
Ok...I'm watching Arrival. ...good movie.
tetra...maybe a trip would do you good. Go on an adventure. ..someplace wonderful. By yourself.
I agree that we have to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. When we screw the fear and do it, we grow in amazing ways. Things like that can happen in sobriety. If we don't occasionally push ourselves, we remain stuck.
Ok...I'm watching Arrival. ...good movie.
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