SueDenim

Thank you.

My son has just been on the phone and invited us to his place on Sunday. It's a good couple of hours away, so that will take up the whole day, and give me something to look forward to.

We are taking him out for lunch, so this will be the first real 'test'. My husband will be driving, so won't be drinking, though, so I can stick to a soft drink in solidarity (there's a first time for everything ).

Tetra

Night is the loneliest time when all my anxieties come out to play. I got paid today and I bought 2 books and 2 pairs of shoes. Now I have paid all my bills and I don't have debts but I'm not saving a lot either. Oh well. I'm being paid peanuts and I pay a fortune in tax but at least I like my job. I was told if I can hang on for a year then after that I'll get a lot more rights so I have about 3 months to go.

I do like it there and I would be happy to stay on. I'm still a bit intimidated by the doctor though. I get him the charts he asks for, he reads them and dictates more letters and when he hands the whole lot back to me I have a habit of saying "thank you". Today he laughed and said "don't thank me because I'll just get you more work to do". I don't mind the work. It's not hard to be fair plus it makes the day fly by.

I just opened the window and I can hear the sound of breaking glass and what sounds like some one throwing up outside. My revenge will come in 2 months time when the students are studying for exams.

mecanix

Be commited ??? hmm .

I bought an x-box as it was something suitably addictive and relatively low cost as compaired to drinking 50 £70 a week or whatever . Occupied me in a rather brainless , thoughtless manner.

I sometimes read of people , giving up drink , stopping smoking , eating healthy , starting jogging and going to the gym and working hard on there sobriety and on day three, I suspect they might be taking rather a lot on ...

In the first few months I was miserable , fat , sweaty , lethargic , slept 18 hours at the weekend and sometimes only 1 hr on the odd weeknight , ate junk food , had a pint tub of ice cream every other day . felt exhaused , had "phantom hangovers" .

Holding down my job, reading SR and playing x-box was about it for 4 months and slowly i came back to life . step by step one little bit at a time .

lets just get through till monday ,

Bestwishes, m

PurpleKnight

Save me a seat Weekenders!!

Simplicity4114

I'm in for the sober weekend!

BixBees505

Mecanix!! Reality:
"I sometimes read of people , giving up drink , stopping smoking , eating healthy , starting jogging and going to the gym and working hard on there sobriety and on day three, I suspect they might be taking rather a lot on"


I know in these early days..."my eyes are bigger than my stomach"
I am still barely making it to incredibly early bedtime every night. Sometimes I eat and sometimes I don't. After work, if I make something to eat...WOW. Otherwise it is canned soup and salad pulled from a bag and dressed with vinegar and oil--literally out of the bottles. Mec...you are right!

But I dream and plan of gardens and painting rooms and redecorating and educational opportunities...changes big and small. It does give me joy. And I know it is ALL coming, if I stay sober.

BixBees505

Tetra, nothing is, or needs to be, "forever". I love that you are able to appreciate where you are, without necessarily thinking it is "IT" forever.

BixBees505

I just heard today that my primary client is hiring in-house someone who would be in direct competition for my job. Really as In-house they have decided advantage. I frankly would not blame them. But I hope I can recover more position, even if only to release it graciously, if need be.

BixBees505

Ok, I'm not doing as well with the above as I tried to sound. Pretty worried and anxious.

BixBees505

I don't need anything...but I'm looking forward to the evening crowd arriving. This is purely emotional...and pride...I've been fighting for two years for a proper, respected place on this team, and it may be slipping away. It is not "their" fault, but mine. Hence doubt, shame, sorrow, grief...even ahead of the event.

Dee74

All you can do in this situation is your best Bix.
Ignore that voice that says maybe that's not good enough....its the same old AV

Have faith in yourself

D

Dee74

welcome SueDenim and RainbowBird

D

BixBees505

Thank you, Dee. Two years of trying while drinking does not equal trying sober. Scrambling.

Julia8

Hang in there, Bix. Just keep doing your best. <3

BixBees505

Thank you, Julia, truly appreciate it. And always, Dee, the voice of reason. I am doing all I can in my current condition. And if it isn't enough...well, it just isn't, and I'll deal with it.

BrendaChenowyth

Have you ever seen someone you used to have sex with and thought to yourself "I could have sex with him again.. but do I really want to?" and found that the answer was just no?

I did that tonight, but it was one of the liquor stores I used to frequent.

Pete6256

Ah I see Sao has fired the starting gun, the countdown to the weekend has truly started. This one is going to be a tough one for me.

It's a long weekend here in Canada and my main drinking partners have come back from out of town. So I'm going be coming out of the closet as a sobrarian, on a weekend fraught with alcoholic danger at every turn. I'm tempted to just cancel everything and hunker down in my apartment for a three day sobriety bender, but I guess I have to come out and face the world eventually.

BixBees505

No exa-a-a-ctly, BC, but that does not mean we can't recognize a new sense of self respect and progress! Good work!!

BixBees505

Pete, and the Purple Knight! Good to see you.

BixBees505

Pete...sobrarian...good one, my friend.

And Pete...give yourself the time you need. No rush to accept the drinking milieu. Treat yourself well FIRST.