AcornToOak

Hi Bowski,
You're back. One foot in front of another. What happened, if you don't mind me asking. Feeling a bit unstable myself.

Bowski

Had a day off, golfed last night after work and didn't give in. But I was home while the wife was at work, so I thought I could have a beer. Yeah that turned into 12. I can't stop once I start. And I'm trying to hide it as well.

Bowski

Please don't give in. It's a terrible feeling.

AcornToOak

I am sorry you had a bad night. A new day is a new chance. But, thank you for sharing. You literally brought tears to my eyes and gave me the strength I will need. Or, you helped me play the tape to the end, as they say. I was starting to think maybe no one is in the Sept thread and that was a sign. I guess what I am saying is while I am sorry you had a hard time, you helped me. I am hoping I can pay it back or forward. Let's keep going on this road together. Man, so much thinking about how great it is and the little cracks and it can all come rushing back in. Thank you, thank you.

Still not totally feeling solid, but feeling better.

AcornToOak

I keep wondering why I think I could possibly control it when I haven't in the past (except on occasion but not for long terms). I don't want to open that door, but blah. Again, thanks.

Bowski

I'm glad that it helped. I don't anyone to feel like the heap of junk that I feel like be aside of my weakness. I was strong for two weeks and caved. It feels worse than being in the cycle. I feel like I e let everyone down

AcornToOak

I am almost at two weeks and don't know how you feel, but you didn't let anyone down. We are all struggling and growing. I used to beat myself up over my inability to follow through with moderation plans. Inevitably it led to an extended period of wallowing in drink. The fact that you came back here and this is on your mind is important. It was a mistake, a lesson learned...and lesson you passed on to me. You can dust yourself off, affirm everything you learned and focus on where you go from here. Hey, you made it through golf, so that is something. Now you know something more you need a plan for. What is done is done. It is where we go from here. You can have all those positive feelings again. And you can share with all of those who are here and all those newcomers yet to join our class. Thanks for sharing. Lets focus on what lies ahead.

strugglingJim

never thought I would be "that guy" who quit
drinking, but then went back again, and again. Seems that I can't convince myself that I CAN NOT DRINK EVER AGAIN (I still don't believe it as I type this).
But, was with family and friends, and 2-4 drinks per day for 7 days, and now I'm in day 3 of hell. It seems that any amount sends me into a world of Sh*%. How can 2 or 3 drinks result in full on withdrawal???

AcornToOak

Welcome back, Jim!

kk1k5x

Day 9 is done for me.
You guys, struggling with it (as am I, throughout the day) - when you get a little bit of time under your belt, as in a week or so, most of the physical stuff goes away, right. By that I mean the immediate disgust with myself after drinking 20 instead of 2, the stomach problems, sweating, nausea etc.
But then the craving monster shows up and you're feeling fine (physically), almost like there was never any issue with alcohol to begin with. One doesn't hurt right? The brain is just so messed up. I'm glad someone referred me to HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired - you can also list thirsty). Two days in a row now it has been the knowledge that helped me avert a disaster. Yesterday it was hunger, today it was thirst and tiredness. Had I not been aware that these things massively increase cravings, I would have walked straight into a bar and slammed more than a few of their most unforgiving drinks.
Went to a lecture today, then dinner with family, then movie night. It felt awesome to be the only PhD student among the fresh master's people hehe - so obviously the brain felt that 'well, you've had a productive day, it's friday none the less, go have a drink!'.
Nope, didn't happen. Got a coke instead, went on the bus and by the time I got home, all the stores were closed.

Sorry to hear about the mishap Bowski, keep on getting up and trying again. If you shoot and miss, then at least you took the shot - if you never shoot, you'll always miss.

AcornToOak

Good point, Kkik. I think maybe I have been exercising and eating so healthy that my focus on tonight is due to that. In fact, I have barely eaten today despite a lot of exercise. And drinking diet coke instead of water. I will eat and drink some water and maybe call a sister. Take care of HALT and keep busy. I know all this stuff when I am feeling fine, but it flies out my head. Thanks for the reminder.

Good job getting through the day! That reward kick is hard. You did great. Great inspiration. Well done. An hour and a half until I am tested. Time to get some food and water in me.

Bowski

Slot of people have recommended a plan? What is a good ideas for a plan or what I need to prep myself for it with?

kk1k5x

There's this one:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Dunsuppin

Hello (again) hope its ok for me to tag along. Have enjoyed reading the posts so far, so much support, much appreciated. I am hoping that this is it for me, a final day one. So far not feeling too bad, desperately want to wake up sober tomorrow. I have been feeling recently like drinking has become a chore, that I am almost forcing myself to do it. Best wishes everyone.

AcornToOak

Welcome Dunsuppin! The more the merrier. I know what you mean about it seeming like a chore. I have to say it is a relief to not have to deal with it anymore. The time doing it or preparing is nothing compared to the time thinking about it. Let's all let go and enjoy the freedom! Glad to have you.

Pinky1

Hi dunsuppin welcome
I'm day 1 again and hoping it's my last day 1 too. I'm looking forward to being sober in the morning
☺

Dee74

welcome Jim UK and strugglingJim Get Smart and dunsuppin
welcome back bowski and Pinky - revise those plans

D

MeSoSober

Well I had a day. The bad news was the meeting with the boss and HR. The good news is that they really couldn't have been nicer and expressed concern for my welfare. The other good news is that I'm here and recommitting to my sobriety. And to some other changes too. Enough is enough.

Wishing everyone a nice, SOBER day/evening! Don't stop believin'!

HelenofTroy

Funny how the craving sneaks up on you. I am not suffering from withdrawal, but it is the habit of drinking that is fighting me. I never take baths (yes I do regularly shower lol) so to reward myself for a successful day four I took a nice long hot bath. Pampered and preened, got into my jammies, grabbed my book and thought "I should grab a glass of wine" No I didn't but it sure took me by surprise. It just popped into my head. I thought I had nailed the day today.

So I've got my big water bottle and my book and I'm going to go relax. Phew! Good night all!

Behindthelens

@Bowski - Good on ya for getting back on the wagon so quick.

Day 17 today. I wish I could say it's been a breeze but I't hasn't. But it is getting a tad better. There is hope.

I now know that I don't really suffer nasty anxiety unless I drink. That's a massive positive to discover. The anxiety has been replaced with a moderate depression which in a way isn't so bad. I can manage with this far easier than anxiety and after researching PAWS I'm fairly sure that things will improve so long as I stick to the plan.

I badly wanted to escape the futility in my head last night but wasn't really craving alcohol. It would have taken away the morbidness until I got to 3 beers at which point I would have been really depressed at drinking again. Instead I just sat in my house with music and let the time go by. It's so much easier than the anxiety and I just hit the sack earlier instead of thinking about everything going wrong like I normally would.

Stay strong folks, we've got this.