thomas11

I'm glad you feel less stressed frick. Wise words on control. Those who obsess over control almost inevitably have "issues". Either with themselves or others.

This will sound weird, but whenever I read one of your posts I imagine myself where you are (idaho or utah?), walking in the foothills looking one direction at snow capped mountains and the other at a stream flowing on by. I need to plan a trip to drive to our place in California so I can go through the mountains again.

entropy1964

Well there will be snow capped mountains soon.....can't wait.

thomas11

Are there Elk and mule deer where you are (maybe I asked you that before)?

entropy1964

I'm in a suburban area but do see deer and elk in the early morning sometimes. Most of the good hunting is about an hour away....maybe a bit less. Not a hunter!

thomas11

How's it going today FaF?

BeanieBaby

I relate to everything you wrote Frick. I had a terrible week but have two new counsellors including a recovery specialist to help me put together a plan of recovery - that starts next week. I'm literally taking one hour at a time right now. Keep sharing - we are all worth the fight.

entropy1964

Hey Jeff

I didn't see this post. Had a good day! How are you doing?

entropy1964

That's great BB. Let me know how your apts go. I start with a therapist on the 26th. I'm looking forward to it.

entropy1964

60 days today! Yay. Things are good. Stable. Calm. No cravings or desires to drink.

My sponsor came over yesterday for 3 hours of work. STILL not working the steps but that's ok. Hopefully next week. We're basically reading the book together which is time consuming but its good. I know this is the way she did it so I have to be patient. I think she's coming over Wed night too so maybe we can get through the reading part and at least into the first 3 steps. I was so anxious after she left. Pretty weird. I think it was just the whole process of having someone over and being a bit out of my normal routine. God I'm such a dork. But I can't help it. Such bad anxiety. I know I need to start getting out in the evening, to an AA meeting or to the gym. Just to mix it up a bit. Practice at getting out of my routine. I'll get there.

Court case tomorrow. I'm calm now so I just want it to be over with. It'll be what it'll be. I'll handle it.

Yoga in a couple hours. Then pick up the kid for a Girl Scout meeting. We were going to take the Autumn train ride to a pumpkin patch but we'll have to do that next weekend.

Have a great day everyone!

thomas11

Well, since you asked, I'll tell...and its more of a vent. We switched out appliances yesterday (dishwasher, fridge, range hood( and it stressed the hell out of me). A few guys my wife knows from work came and did it. I don't like to dig into something like that unless I know I can complete the job including electrical and plumbing connections. I don't do electrical, plain and simple. The guys did end up getting everything in and working so that was a relief, but because they don't do this professionally there were other small things that got under my skin. Carpet was filthy because they don't know how to use a dolly properly, my tools were everywhere, spare parts that I don't know where they came from. Maybe I'm a control freak, I don't know. But I think the process took 2 years off my life.

Glad you are well.

thomas11

Tomorrow will be fine, I'm sure of it. Nothing you can't handle.

As far as the routine goes, I think its healthy to shatter our boundries sometimes. Not to make this about me, but I have felt the exact same thing recently, so I have actually made a list of things I need to get done this week. And I will get them done!

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this, but I have used much of time paying attention to this historic election cycle. I read every damn thing that comes out, including those thousands of leaked documents. So stupid. But you know what, it interests me, and it matters to me, so I can't pretend it doesn't.

My wife and I are the perfect example of what the politicians have done to the american way of life. 2 years ago my wife had to train in her foreign replacement under threat of not getting her severance pay. I had a bustling business and got pounded by the economic downturn, I downsized and worked my tail off to keep from going bankrupt, only to have the banks further try to destroy me. So yeah, I'm pissed.

thomas11

Tomorrow will be fine, I'm sure of it. Nothing you can't handle.

As far as the routine goes, I think its healthy to shatter our boundries sometimes. Not to make this about me, but I have felt the exact same thing recently, so I have actually made a list of things I need to get done this week. And I will get them done!

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this, but I have used much of time paying attention to this historic election cycle. I read every damn thing that comes out, including those thousands of leaked documents. So stupid. But you know what, it interests me, and it matters to me, so I can't pretend it doesn't.

My wife and I are the perfect example of what the politicians have done to the american way of life. 2 years ago my wife had to train in her foreign replacement under threat of not getting her severance pay. I had a bustling business and got pounded by the economic downturn, I downsized and worked my tail off to keep from going bankrupt, only to have the banks further try to destroy me. So yeah, I'm pissed.

wpainterw

Hey Frick! Welcome back! And congratulations on your continued sobriety. Checking into the rehab. Sounds like it's happening to you pretty much like it happened to me back in 1988. Had a relapse which was so severe that within a week I was close to death with possible irreversible liver damage. Went to a rehab, got started with AA, had aftercare and have been sober now for nearly 28 years. So the stuff that's happened to you sure happened to me.
Believe me, I'm your true friend and have been that all along, with all the other folk on SR. We're all here for you and ready to help in any way we can!

Bill.

entropy1964

Hey Jeff

I'd be irritated by some of the amateur stuff too....but ya get what ya pay for huh? I bought a new microwave and they charged me 150 just to install it. I checked around that was the going rate. Well, had to pay it cause I sure as heck can't do it.

I try not to watch anything regarding the election. I just mute the TV. I'm going to vote early next week and just be done with the whole mess.

I'm not ready to shatter any routines...but a little flexibility wouldn't hurt. I'm not ready yet. But I will be.

Yeah, court will be what it will be. Then it will be over! Can't wait.

Have a great Sunday.

entropy1964

[QUOTE=wpainterw;6175788]Hey Frick! Welcome back! And congratulations on your continued sobriety. Checking into the rehab. Sounds like it's happening to you pretty much like it happened to me back in 1988. Had a relapse which was so severe that within a week I was close to death with possible irreversible liver damage. Went to a rehab, got started with AA, had aftercare and have been sober now for nearly 28 years. So the stuff that's happened to you sure happened to me.
Believe me, I'm your true friend and have been that all along, with all the other folk on SR. We're all here for you and ready to help in any way we can!

Thanks for the kind words Bill. Well you're an inspiration with 28 years. I'd just like to get 28 months I hope if I keep doing the next right thing, work my program, develop my relationship with my HP that I will get through this.

entropy1964

Okay. Court case done and dusted. They reduced the charge and fined me. Phew. I still feel 'dirty' though. haha. Its just been such a dark year....so much weird behavior. But I'm confident that if I keep doing the right things I'll feel better in time.

Going to a meeting today to get my 60 day chip. Yay.

Dee74

I'm glad that's over Frick - congrats again on 60

D

Delizadee

Yay Frick!!!

entropy1964

67 days. Things are good. I was really low energy yesterday....hate that. But I still did 2 hours of yard work then walked 5 miles. The walking really helped. I still feel kind of 'sluggish' this morning but yoga should help. I definitely found I was thinking about booze a bit yesterday (which is why I went for the walk). Not seriously entertaining it, just noticing how my brain was trying to get me to 'go there'....even if it knew I wouldn't drink, it wanted me to entertain drinking. I didn't.

So many posts about insecurity and fear. Seems every post I read is about 1 or both of these things (guess they are linked). Acceptance and surrender seem the antidotes....but how does one 'get' those things? I believe my insecurities about myself, specifically about what others think of me, began to fade about 5 years ago. My biggest challenge now is what I think of me. Maybe that's most people's challenge. They think they are concerned about what others think, but truly if they accepted themselves, loved themselves, it wouldn't matter. So, as always, its an inside job. Fear. So useless yet soooo pervasive. It is a construct of a neurotic mind....so easy to say, not so easy to let go of. I think this is where my belief in a HP comes in. I had a bit of an ah ha moment the other day....I never have to be alone. Ever. I'm not looking for my HP, she's right there. There is nothing to fear because I'm right where I'm supposed to be. For anyone who has faith these ideas aren't new. To me they are amazing. Its hard for me however to completely let go. Control. So stupid really. What exactly am I trying to control? My fear? Ha!

It is becoming more and more obvious to me, on an emotional level, that this addiction is a spiritual malady. That I am even truly embracing this is a bit amazing. But I've tried everything else, everything. Seems I was more than willing to have faith that I could 'solve' my alcoholism, or that you guys could, or that willpower could. From the Big Book :

"Had we not variously worshiped people, sentiment, things, money and ourselves?....How much did these feelings, these loves, these worships, have to do with pure reason? Little or nothing, we saw at last......It was impossible to say we had no capacity for faith, or love, or worship. In one form or another we had been living by faith and little else." pg 54

Seems we alcoholics can certainly worship booze. I hear it non stop in posts. The power we give it over our lives is nothing short of amazing. And insane. It isn't human or divine. Yet it has the power to destroy (or we hope create...we hold out for that one, over and over) our lives and we willingly let it. What if we put that faith in something else?

KDKID69

I know exactly how you feel!! I'm 51 days sober today. Chronic relapser. I've been in outpatient rehab the past 3 weeks and it's been really helpful- and I never thought I'd say that. It's the hardest thing I've ever done but it's working! 3 months ago I thought about ending it all and now I'm feeling a peace I haven't felt in many, many years.

You can do this, I promise. I'm praying for you.

KS