Meraviglioso

I can so relate to what you write about images Frick. I hadn't ever thought about it in the way you explain it but reading your posts makes me aware that I should. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. Keep on keeping on.

entropy1964

Hi Mera
Yeah I think the only way to truly get to know me is to stop trying to be anything. That's very difficult because I've been doing it my whole life. I'm in here somewhere....

entropy1964

Day 55. Life is good. Weather is HOT. Ugh. So 2.5 months of this.....good bye sleep, nice knowing you That's ok, it doesn't last forever. And if I'm not hungover, well, no big deal.

I sort of laugh at my brain these days when it throws the concept of drinking over the fence. Ya, its there, but there's no way I'll do it. I look at the thought, then let it pass on by. That programming is so strong. One would think with all the horrible drinking experiences I have had that that would knock those thoughts out of the park. But no. Amazing. Usually when behaviors are negatively reinforced, over and over, we stop. Touch the fire, burn, ouch, won't do that again. Not booze...yeah I get that its a complex brain condition. I get it, but it still amazes me.

Well I'm smarter than my lizard brain. And even though zombie/primal me doesn't get it, evolved me does. So the frontal lobe wins again. For today.

U75

Frick, I absolutely love your zombie analogy. (I'm a big WD fan, too).

entropy1964

haha! Works huh? Feed it and it wakes up all angry and snapping its jaws.

Walking Dead box set season 6, August 23rd. Yay. I don't have cable.

entropy1964

Ok does anyone else feel like 2016 just needs to calm the **** down? The news is terrifying.

And a total contrast.....sitting on the couch, AC still working (praise the gods), munching on some yummy mystery melon (Crenshaw? Who knows....), kiddo actually sitting in her own room (she generally isn't more than 4 feet from me unless she's at her dads), dogs are snoring. Had a good yoga practice, did some yard work, ran errands. Life is so good. What more should there be?

A man I dated in January reconnected with me.....yeah, not gonna happen. That ship has sailed. Not going to let anything invade my happy bubble.

Trip to Cali is 1 week from tomorrow. Its all up to me. I can fall into old patterns of behavior and reactions, or I can just let it go. It'll all be fine. My daughter and I have lots planned during the day, I'll make dinner and take my Mom around (dad will sit calcified to his chair all day), I'll work out at the gym at their swanky country club, I'll go to the bikrams hot yoga studio. I know of several meetings so I'll go if I need to. I know I won't drink. It's what happens after I get home. The quiet after the storm. Guess I'd better start planning that too.

Nothing changes, just don't drink no matter what! Just felt like rambling. Gnite SR.

thomas11

It seems the California trip is weighing on you a bit Frick. I'm sure you'll handle it without incident. But by your own admission you need to be on high alert when you return. I remember your last relapse, it was pretty bad. Would hate to see you go through anything remotely like that again.

ps. Hope your AC hangs in there for the summer!

entropy1964

Thanks Jeff. Yeah I'll be making most post Cali plan. No desire to return to that misery.

thomas11

In other news, I start school/class on Tuesday of next week. Can't wait.

entropy1964

Cool. Did you mention what you're studying?

thomas11

I'm getting my real estate license, and normally I wouldn't even consider it. But I have an opportunity to join one of the best real estate teams in the state. And I live just south of Minneapolis in an area with a lake, on and around that lake are houses that range in value between 800K to 4 million. So, I think I'm going to give it a shot. We have no kids and live within our means, so I don't need to make a ton of money. My landscape company brought in what I consider a fair amount of money, but it is SO expensive to operate. My fuel bill alone was $40,000 a year.

entropy1964

Day 59. Beautiful Saturday morning. Cooling down a bit...only high 90's today. Going to be a nice, albeit quiet, weekend.

I'm definitely feeling a bit lonely these days. But not enough to do anything about it! We'll be surrounded with people in less than a week so I'll get my fill then. I'm just weird. Other than my daughter I'm alone all the time....lone wolf, that's me. I think I struggle with what I perceive society 'thinks' of us loners more than I actually struggle with being alone. Well its a choice right now.

Going to yoga in a bit. My fav hiking trail is closed due to a fire that some azzhats starting lighting off fireworks. Duh. So I'll walk along the river.

Life is good.

entropy1964

61 days. Happy fourth of July!

thomas11

Quite a paradoxical situation. If I remember correctly you also identify yourself as slightly co-dependent? As long as you are comfortable in your own skin, it doesn't particularly matter what other people think, eah?

advbike

Congrats on 61 days Frickaflip! Great job. The first couple of months are always the hardest after a relapse. I appreciate your insightful posts and wish you the best.

Dee74

way to go Frick

D

tate9685

Do you have any sober friends you can spend time with right now? Online is a lifesaver too but nothing beats a hug and eye contact. It helps me to get out of the house a/k/a the scene of the crime. Dinner or coffee with people who have been there. I know how you are feeling.

MissNewLife

Hey Frick.... where have you been?

entropy1964

Hey guys

Back from my trip to Cali. Longggggg, but good, I think And my eldest brother came back with us so morrrreeee family. I love him but he's really weird. I have no idea how long he's staying either...ugh.

Well I'm very behind here, that's for sure.

Hawkeye13

You're doing great Frick--keep it up.
My brother is a bit weird too, but hey, he's your brother