I am utterly defeated
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Everyone....or whoever reads this!
I'm 72 days.
Just sort of reflecting on a couple of things that I really love. One is my heart beat. Ok, let me explain. The last few nights, as I go to sleep, I am aware of my steady, slow, strong heartbeat. Well anyone that has detoxed knows that the heartbeat can be a scary thing. Pounding, skipping beats....panic. Now? Slow and steady. Its a thing of comfort, not fear. The other thing is well everything. Bills are paid, email is cleaned out, house is clean, dogs are happy, kid is good (I think....she's a teenager, what can I say?), shampooed the carpet yesterday. Life is just good.
I am starting to lose my 'new car' smell however. I know I have to start adding things in the late afternoon. A meeting, the gym, something. Its been so nice just to finish the day around 4 and start making dinner and relaxing. But that's getting old. So I have to change it up!
Anyway, 'things' are good.
I'm 72 days.
Just sort of reflecting on a couple of things that I really love. One is my heart beat. Ok, let me explain. The last few nights, as I go to sleep, I am aware of my steady, slow, strong heartbeat. Well anyone that has detoxed knows that the heartbeat can be a scary thing. Pounding, skipping beats....panic. Now? Slow and steady. Its a thing of comfort, not fear. The other thing is well everything. Bills are paid, email is cleaned out, house is clean, dogs are happy, kid is good (I think....she's a teenager, what can I say?), shampooed the carpet yesterday. Life is just good.
I am starting to lose my 'new car' smell however. I know I have to start adding things in the late afternoon. A meeting, the gym, something. Its been so nice just to finish the day around 4 and start making dinner and relaxing. But that's getting old. So I have to change it up!
Anyway, 'things' are good.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Irishish 
Glad you are well. I read your whole thread my first day sober. (This time) I got a lot of inspiration from you. Thanks.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
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Day 75. Its the 5 year anniversary of my hubs death. I'm so grateful to be sober for it. Gonna go to yoga and really meditate during practice. So often I'm just 'working out'...I'm mindful but not really focused. I'm going to think of him, the good stuff. And I'm going to give out candy tonight and carve pumpkins! No hiding in the house with the lights off.
Have a great day SR. Thank you all for being here.
Have a great day SR. Thank you all for being here.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Hey Frick 
Proud of you darling
I'm sorry about your loss, that must be an incredibly painful anniversary for you.
But I believe he is tremendously proud of the work you are doing. Because you really sound like youve mined through the some of the hard stuff and soon if you haven't already you'll start finding the gold. I can read such a difference in you from the beginning of your thread. You have a great Halloween my friend. I'll save the spook and send you some love and peace for today ��
Proud of you darling
I'm sorry about your loss, that must be an incredibly painful anniversary for you.
But I believe he is tremendously proud of the work you are doing. Because you really sound like youve mined through the some of the hard stuff and soon if you haven't already you'll start finding the gold. I can read such a difference in you from the beginning of your thread. You have a great Halloween my friend. I'll save the spook and send you some love and peace for today
��
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
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Hey Deliz
Thanks so much for your kind words. This is the first Halloween since his death that I'm not mourning. Guess I finally realized he wouldn't want that. Lots of issues surrounding my hubs death. Too much to go into here. But today things are good. I'm very grateful.....
Thanks so much for your kind words. This is the first Halloween since his death that I'm not mourning. Guess I finally realized he wouldn't want that. Lots of issues surrounding my hubs death. Too much to go into here. But today things are good. I'm very grateful.....
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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Well 80 days today. Feels good. Of course, right? Doesn't abstinence always feel better? I mean truly? Yeah there are tough days, blah days, lonely days, boring days, stressful days. But there are also so many more truly good days. And good or bad, when I'm sober, I always wake up fresh. I enjoy my coffee. I feel good. I'm not regretting something I did, or fearing something I don't remember. I haven't broken the law, hurt myself, hurt someone else. I don't have to turn my attention from normal life problems (you know, the stuff we all have? The stuff we drink over? Like money, relationships, work, kids, anxiety, anger, depression, fear....ALL of us have issues with at least one of these things on a regular basis...I mean, more than likely) to the chaos du jour that my drinking will inevitably create. I can just be like everyone else and worry about the normal stuff 
I'm not unique. My problems aren't special or worse than. And I don't have to drink 'over' them.
I dunno. I know nothing. Well I know that I don't know how to get sober. Sure have spent the last 13 years trying everything in MY power to get sober. Hasn't worked out so well. So maybe just maybe this last 80 days of recovery is because I have a higher power. Still trying to understand all that...probably never will.
The BIG C has returned for me. I didn't even want to type it. Don't want to talk about it. More tests Monday. But there aint a thing I can do about it. It's no one's fault, including mine. It just is. I just keep telling myself, thy will be done. I have gotten through this before, I will get through it again. And alcohol will not help. Ha! Not one bit.
So I'm gonna walk my dogs, clean house and be grateful that its a beautiful day and I'm sober. Yay!
Have a great day SR.
I'm not unique. My problems aren't special or worse than. And I don't have to drink 'over' them.I dunno. I know nothing. Well I know that I don't know how to get sober. Sure have spent the last 13 years trying everything in MY power to get sober. Hasn't worked out so well. So maybe just maybe this last 80 days of recovery is because I have a higher power. Still trying to understand all that...probably never will.
The BIG C has returned for me. I didn't even want to type it. Don't want to talk about it. More tests Monday. But there aint a thing I can do about it. It's no one's fault, including mine. It just is. I just keep telling myself, thy will be done. I have gotten through this before, I will get through it again. And alcohol will not help. Ha! Not one bit.
So I'm gonna walk my dogs, clean house and be grateful that its a beautiful day and I'm sober. Yay!
Have a great day SR.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Oh Frick
I am so sorry. I am not one hundred percent sure what the big C is, pretty sure I know but no matter what, you sound somewhat beaten down... but I hope you find you can surrender it over to God and have faith that you WILL get through it. It's good to hear you're pulling some positivity out of it regardless. (unless that's sarcasm )
I am thinking of you, and sending you love and strength
I am so sorry. I am not one hundred percent sure what the big C is, pretty sure I know but no matter what, you sound somewhat beaten down... but I hope you find you can surrender it over to God and have faith that you WILL get through it. It's good to hear you're pulling some positivity out of it regardless. (unless that's sarcasm
) I am thinking of you, and sending you love and strength
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