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So back again.

Old 04-05-2016, 01:33 PM
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Dim
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So back again.

On the tail end of a 5 day bender coupled with an average of 20mg of valium everyday to help me get even more intoxicated. Just woke up and feeling **** absolute crap. Constant runs, havent been able to stomach anything any except for when i'm drunk. I'm so paranoid that i've done some permanent damage to myself this time. Whether its wet brain or nerve damage to my legs not to mention finally lost my girlfriend who is at the end of her tether with me. I'm dizzy, and finally ready to admit after several busts that there will be no quick fix to this problem. I surrender to alcoholism. I have lost control over it. My life has become unmanageable. I cant even begin to explain how many times i've come on here after a bender or gone to an AA meeting thinking that i cant relate to anyone and that i truly dont have a problem. My question is this. Has anyone else had a bender of a similar nature? Where ridiculous quantities of alcohol have been consumed and they have made a full recovery? No permanent damage? Not looking for medical advice but rather personal experiences? Am i addicted to valium? Or has it been too short a timeframe? My last drink was at around 2-3 pm yesterday afternoon. Am i out of the danger zone? Thanks again in advance. And the next welcome that i get for being here will be my final as i'm certainly not going anywhere.
Lots of love x
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Old 04-05-2016, 01:41 PM
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Welcome bk Dim

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
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Old 04-05-2016, 03:21 PM
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Have you had enough?

To answer one of your questions, in my experience, it's not relevant if you are physically addicted to a drug (in this case Valium), it's the fact that you're using it addictively.

In NA I learned that it didn't matter what drugs I used. Being clean meant I had to abstain from all of them. 32 years earlier, when my sponsor got clean and sober in AA, an old timer then told him that AA stood for "absolute abstinence". What you use or how much doesn't matter. - Getting loaded is getting loaded.

In the end, all of your questions are irrelevant. The stark truth is, if you don't change what you're doing, you're going to die, and it's going to be a miserable ride getting there.

So, have you had enough?

If so, don't worry. Help is available. You don't ever have to feel this way again.
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Old 04-05-2016, 03:41 PM
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It's absolutely amazing how hard an alcoholic will fight to deny they are an alcoholic. They will fight and fight and fight to be able to keep drinking. all the while losing one thing after another. Just shows how strong addiction is. I heard someone say at a meeting that it is much harder to get sober than it is to stay sober, and that's the truth.
Have you accepted the fact that you're an alcoholic? I mean, really accepted it with no reservations. If you have; are you willing to work your tail off to get sober, including the pain and misery that always comes in early sobriety, and make all the changes you need to make to stay sober?
I really hope you are, cause things will only get worse the longer you put it off. John
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Old 04-05-2016, 03:42 PM
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I hope this is your last day one.
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Old 04-05-2016, 04:01 PM
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Oh, the madness, the insanity of it all...by our own hands we do this to ourselves.

Making "My life is unmanageable and "I surrender to alcoholism" stick...really stick, will limit your health concerns and improve your overall health.

I hope you will be okay, stop drinking and drugging now...talk to the doctor about your health. Have you got a plan to support you?.
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Old 04-05-2016, 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Dim View Post
I'm so paranoid that i've done some permanent damage to myself this time. Whether its wet brain or nerve damage to my legs ...
You were concerned about brain damage when you posted in November. Fear about your health didn't stop you from drinking though. And it probably won't stop the next relapse.

I'll echo what others have said, the best thing you can do for your health is permanent sobriety. Accept it, then find a recovery method that will support that decision.
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Old 04-05-2016, 04:43 PM
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Hi Dim

I drank all day everyday for 5 years and although I would not say I came through unscathed, I'm doing more than OK

I'm not sure what good this information does you, tho cos I'm not you
If you're worried about your health you know the drill - go see the Doctor

The bottom line is the less you drink from now on the more chance you have for a complete recovery.

I agree with Carl that fear of the health consequences is not enough to make you stop. You've proved that.

I'd start looking for more support and using it - make a really sturdy recovery plan - soberwolf gave you some awesome links

D
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Old 04-05-2016, 05:02 PM
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Hi Dim,
having a little sober time under my belt, I read that and it sounds horrible. I believe if you can get some significant time under your belt, go back and read that post and see how you view it. Nothing sounds enjoyable. My point is, it sounds like you are ready to put these episodes behind you. You're worth it and you can do it.
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