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Old 02-28-2016, 11:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Tips to avoid self pity?


So I hurt my back at the gym yesterday...really wanted to drink last night, but I did not but now my head is spinning in this self-pitying mode, which I know is not good. Just reaching out for any help. I'm supposed to reach out, right? It's new for me, usually I prefer to lick my wounds in private.
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Old 02-28-2016, 11:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Good job reaching out Zen I'm sorry you hurt your back in training if urges & cravings happen try playing the tape & use these links

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

I try having zero time for self pity as its like psychological self harm the important thing to know is these feelings will pass & will fade as time goes along don't insult your injury with alcohol get a ice pack some muscle rub and have a nice hot soothing bath you have us to lean on

Tomorrow is a new day
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Old 02-28-2016, 12:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Zen..

No expert here...

My tech is take responsibility for the problem and solution.

If i blame someone or something else....

I have lost control of the problem...

E.g. i have anxiety issues because my Mom never huggged me. Can't change it. I force myself to be a hugger now.

It puts the ball in my court. Giving a hug feels as good as getting one.

The 1 arm hug is may fav.
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When I crave I think of the next day after effects:

high blood pressure, sleep issues, strength loss, immune system comprimise (sick).

BpSSS. My mantra.

Studied "alcohol kindling" and "alcohol PAWS."

Last intoxication: 8 May 15.
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Old 02-28-2016, 12:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi ZenLifter, good for you for reaching out.

My best tools to ease self-pity are ...

take a piece of paper or journal and write a list of all the things I am grateful for. It can be little things, like the breakfast I'm eating, the sunrise, hearing a bird call, or big things like having a job, having a family member I love and appreciate.

Second thing is, to try to think of someone else in need, that I can help, maybe just with a phone call to say hello. Or reach out and post to others on SR who are hurting.

I hope your back feels better soon!
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Old 02-28-2016, 12:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Ever hear of a technique called "thought stopping?" When a negative, self-defeating thought goes through your head, CRUSH IT. Scream "STOP!!" And immediately force your mind onto something else, even if it's reciting the alphabet backwards.

I don't find it very useful to try to argue with self-pitying thoughts. It works better just to squash them.
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Old 02-28-2016, 12:22 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi, ZenLifter.

Sorry about your back.

Though self-pity doesn't make any good, some self-compassion won't hurt.

You are in early sobriety which is tough in itself, and now you strained your back which brings pain and takes away one of the most powerful allies when dealing with urges - workouts.

There is time for everything - for manning up, and for taking good care of yourself.

I'd say - don't try to "choke it all back" - let negative emotions out. Set a deadline. Make a plan for back healing and recovery, and list your triggers and tools to deal with urges. Post at SR. Do some meditation. Chat with other folks who suffer from all kinds of gym injuries - what do they do and how to resume workouts after.

Totally understand about licking the wounds in private - but SR is a safe place.

Keep posting)
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Old 02-28-2016, 01:18 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I think recognising it for what it is means you're already doing well. I can get myself in a really negative place, and when I ask myself honestly "BB, do you really WANT to feel better" often the answer is actually, "NO. I bloody don't." As soon as I recognise what I'm doing, I can usually laugh at myself. Then I'm ready to say a resentment prayer (if that's what caused it) or do a gratitude list (if it's self-pity), or apologise if I need to do so, or distract myself from dwelling on me by finding some way to help someone else. The hard part is that first part - admitting to myself that's what is going on. A little mindful meditation to get back into the right now is often useful as well. My fave one at the moment is to breath in slowly mentally imagining, a single line, turning into two lines joined, then a triangle, then a square, then pentagon, then as I breath out, the pentagon going to a square, then a triangle, then 2 joined lines then a single line. I have to really concentrate on that mental image so I can't sustain it for long and have to keep gently pulling my mind back to it when it wanders back to whatever problem it wants to velcro itself to. It does help though (me anyway).

Hope you get out of that funk soon
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Old 02-28-2016, 01:24 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tursiops999 View Post
Hi ZenLifter, good for you for reaching out.

My best tools to ease self-pity are ...

take a piece of paper or journal and write a list of all the things I am grateful for. It can be little things, like the breakfast I'm eating, the sunrise, hearing a bird call, or big things like having a job, having a family member I love and appreciate.

Second thing is, to try to think of someone else in need, that I can help, maybe just with a phone call to say hello. Or reach out and post to others on SR who are hurting.

I hope your back feels better soon!

Exactly what I was going to suggest! Practicing gratitude really changed my world. I now focus on the positives instead of the negatives and my whole attitude is better.
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Old 02-28-2016, 01:52 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I don't think a little bit of self pity is too bad so long as it isn't distorting and lasts too long. It can lead to a bad response as a self treat though!Hope your back heals soon. By not taking others, our self and external events too seriously we can build up some immunity to many annoying issues.
A self hug and I'm off to the gym..... Hey, there you are: a positive from a negative---must watch my lifting form.
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Old 02-28-2016, 02:03 PM   #10 (permalink)
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In my opinion, the best way to avoid self-pity is to look around your community and find something you can do to help others. Get outside of your head, meet some sober people and give something back.
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Old 02-28-2016, 03:09 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Truly, thank you all for your suggestions. Some great stuff there. Alcoholics/addicts are the most insightful people
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Old 02-28-2016, 05:43 PM   #12 (permalink)
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There is an old proverb that goes something like "I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"
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Old 02-28-2016, 07:19 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Try to live in the solution, not the problem. You could go see your doctor or depending on the severity maybe you could just rest and put some ice on it. Goodluck
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Old 02-28-2016, 09:14 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Frustrating, huh...?
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Old 02-28-2016, 09:35 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I decided last night to get sober for good, and part of the reason I decided this was because I acted like a total idiot at a bar where there was a graduate student reading going on. My dad was with me and recounted the evening to me, and I have been wallowing in self pity all day. I am terrified to go back to campus Monday because I may run into some of the people I was being a jerk to. All I can do is apologize and tell them about this disease I have and promise never to do it again. But boy, have I been just a ball of self pity today. Apologizing and righting your wrongs is one of the hardest parts about this journey but I know it will make me feel better to apologize to these people for being terrible to them last night! I've already reached out to one person and they said no worries, so that makes me feel a bit better. But that person at the bar just wasn't me, I would never be that mean! And that's why I'll get sober.
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Old 02-28-2016, 09:43 PM   #16 (permalink)
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All I can do is apologize and tell them about this disease I have and promise never to do it again. But boy, have I been just a ball of self pity today.
Definitely apologise, and by all means say that you got carried away and drank too much, and that you're resolved to not let it happen again. I'd wait til you're firmer in your sobriety and aren't feeling so emotional before making decisions about telling people about your alcoholism though. Feeling like gossip about that is going round the campus isn't going to help you.

Good luck making your apologies.
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Old 02-29-2016, 03:53 PM   #17 (permalink)
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This is weird, I don't know what happened but I am having pretty bad back pain today and I don't recall hurting it or doing anything different or tweaking it. It started late last night when I got home from work and went to bed. I took three Ibuprofens and two Tylenols and went to bed; had a hard time going to sleep because of the pain. Managed to finally get some sleep, but woke up in worse pain. Have spent some time trying to just relax in the recliner with a heating pad. I haven't take anything pain meds for it today, but may take some more Ibu/Tyl. and then try laying on my side in bed with some pillows between my legs for good body alignment. Wish me luck, guys. Zen I'm feel ya, man! Owww.

BTW-I NEVER have back pain...so this has got my stumped. Hmmm.
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Old 02-29-2016, 09:07 PM   #18 (permalink)
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When you get up, if you're having trouble getting straight again, you could try holding (with both hands) the top of a door - one that's on quite well!! Then gradually stand on tip-toes to let yourself kind of half-hang from the door. It's great for realigning everything.

Hope you managed to get some sleep.

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Old 02-29-2016, 09:24 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Thx beccybean. I'll try that. You're a sweetie! Yeah, I need some good sleep. It hurts pretty bad, though.
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Old 03-01-2016, 07:01 PM   #20 (permalink)
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This is weird, I don't know what happened but I am having pretty bad back pain today and I don't recall hurting it or doing anything different or tweaking it. It started late last night when I got home from work and went to bed. I took three Ibuprofens and two Tylenols and went to bed; had a hard time going to sleep because of the pain. Managed to finally get some sleep, but woke up in worse pain. Have spent some time trying to just relax in the recliner with a heating pad. I haven't take anything pain meds for it today, but may take some more Ibu/Tyl. and then try laying on my side in bed with some pillows between my legs for good body alignment. Wish me luck, guys. Zen I'm feel ya, man! Owww.

BTW-I NEVER have back pain...so this has got my stumped. Hmmm.
Don't know exactly what's wrong with your back but you can try contrast showers, alternating hot and cold (or cool) on your back. It can be a bit uncomfortable but it helps stimulate blood flow to the area. Heating pad might not be the best idea if there's any inflammation, try an Epsom salt bath instead. Also, lying flat on your back with your knees bent, lower legs up on a couch or something can help decompress the area and relax the muscles. All these things have helped me in the past.

Maybe you're just having sympathy pains for me! 😜
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